Sunday, June 8, 2008

Rakesh J's Telebrands Sucker Test

In order to make money from the markets one must find a steady supply of suckers. The sucker is a uniquely designed individual. One solely created so that guys like me can use them to make billions. They are motivated by their own greed to work hard and grow. The fact remains that no matter how much they make I will always make more.

They do all the work and I take all the credit. Sometimes they feel sad that I don’t appreciate them enough. That’s when I send a fruit basket to them so that they always think I care. In reality I don’t give a shit.

Some would say that’s evil but then again here’s my excuse……$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.........$$$$$$$$$....$$...

I’ve often been asked how I find these suckers especially by annoying and horny television journalists. I always avoid the question conveniently choosing to talk about something else.

My actual process for finding the sucker is a method I developed on my own. It’s called the Sucker Finding Process. The idea is to find an individual who has been reasonably successful in setting up his own company. I then evaluate him to see if he will be easily manipulated by me. If so then I invest in his company, if not I try to destroy his company.

Over the years my strategy has always been to use the advertising campaign of Telebrands to my advantage. Telebrands is an amazing company. They have scouts who stand outside peoples homes to pick stuff from their garbage. Every damn thing that can be re-used is carefully picked by the Telebrands scavengers. These things are then reshaped into crap that won’t cost more than a safety pin and sold to people for amazingly high prices.

Those people who buy these things are suckers.

Recently, I was approached by the CEO of a company called Clearstone.I hadn’t even heard of them before. They wanted me to invest in their company. I said I’d get back to them.

Secretly I contacted Gordy Brown to use his satellite. I carefully aimed the signal at the TV of Clearstone’s CEO and started running ads from Telebrands.I focused heavily on this device. It’s a thing with two grooves for your ankles. It’s sold as a ‘Home Jogger’ aimed at making you lose weight. In reality it’s just a useless battery operated flat grooved plank that moves from left to right.

Lo and behold! The jackass fell for it hook, line and sinker. He bought many ‘Home Joggers’ and even gave one to his fat, ugly wife.

My Sucker Finding Process had found another sucker. Without hesitation I invested 6.25 million dollars in Clearstone.They want to use this money to give their customers fancy ringtones and cheap games. I really don’t care as long as it’s profitable.

Imagine a guy who believes he can use a device that makes him thinner. There is no such thing. I know because I’ve * cough* used them all. But the important thing is even though I was a sucker once. I’m not one anymore. I find suckers and make them super suckers.

Are people really that damn horrendously stupid and gullible?

Yes, look at Clearstone’s CEO.

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