Mumbai often worries me. Not everyone is as strong as me to
protect themselves from bad people like terrorists. People are also not as rich
as me to be able to afford security and bomb squad equipment and sniffer dogs
and stuff like that.
After the recent blasts on the 13th, people ask
me more than ever to protect this city.
Being the Superhero
that I am I can, but what is the need when the SINGLE BADDEST ASS KICKING
POLITICIAN IN THE HISTORY OF GEOGRAPHY RR PATIL is
around?!!!(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Too many people have been disrespecting Patil but no one
knows what it means to be RR PATIL: THE
DARK KNIGHT OF MUMBAI.
When I see the PATIL
BAT SIGNAL hovering in the skies I know that Mumbai is safe!
If you still don’t believe me then take a look at this supremely edited video
that so beautifully highlights the emotional, moving, charismatic story of
Mumbai’s Brave Dark Knight – RR Patil. Anyone who is familiar with The Dark Knight films would understand the trials of this brave man. I salute you Mr.RR Patil!!! (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
RR PATIL : HE’S NOT THE HOME MINISTER WE NEED BUT HE IS THE
HOME MINISTER WE DESERVE
Back in 1983 I was a young Chartered Accountant. Out of Sydenham College Bombay, It was a different time. I’d hang around the Bombay Stock Exchange which was then a temple without a God. Like a barren colossus it stood on Dalal Street waiting everyday for its ruler. I was not as rich as I am today. I wasn’t a billionaire a billion times over. I wasn’t the World’s 993rd Richest Man but then as now I remain the world’s sexiest, most humble, charismatic, sexiest (again), strongest, bravest human being to have ever walked this planet.
But back then I already knew what I continue to know today – I Always Knew I Was Going To Be Rich, I Never Doubted It For A Minute.
Point is that in 1983 when I was still a virtual unknown, no one gave me a shot at becoming the God of the markets. They laughed at me; they ridiculed me, called me names and said that a guy like me could never make it big on Dalal Street.
These days those very same people bow down and salute me. They stand in line one by one and chant my name out of everything from respect to adoration to honor to even contempt and envy and they wonder. Amazement drips from their brains trying to comprehend how this simple boy from Bandra went on to become the biggest ass kicker in the history of the stock markets .My greatness even had a mustache during that period.
A lot of things happened in the 80’s but there’s one event which stands out in my memory like a crystal clear fountain in a sandy desert. This one:
I saw Kapil Dev lift India’s first World Cup In 1983 on a small black and white television. Mumbai partied wild that night. We were out on the streets gobbling golgappas, vada pavs and samosas outside the Bombay Stock Exchange. There was liquor too, not the fancy kind we see today, just the regular good old desi daru.
28 years later, just like millions across the country I watched a similar moment. A different captain, a different team at a different time but what I felt was similar – Absolute bloody Nirvana!!!!!
We’ve been partying in INDIA ever since. The night of the victory I was at the Taj along with the rest of the Indian Team. We partied like crazy!!!!! I mean – CRAZY!!!!!
Have you ever seen God with a World Cup? No? Well, here’s what it looks like:
Wait, let me show you again:
Sachin and the entire team thanked ME for being such a great inspiration to them. Dhoni told me that it was my faith in them that led them to believe that they could indeed become World Champions.
I Am Very Very Very Very Very Very Very Very Very Very Very Happy That WE ARE THE WORLD CHAMPIONS…….RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Since April 2nd India has been partying. That legendary night of April 2nd,we partied so hard that we changed the very spin of the earth. The planet konked off its axis unable to bear the burden of a Ginormous multitude of party people.
I also decided to honor this Epic once in a lifetime Epoch moment by mounting the World Cup on my Rolls-Royce Phantom Conquistador. So I got the most spectacular,pimptacular,foshizzle,ching ching,bling bling mechanic in all of the world. Flew him down from LA in my obscenely expensive Private Jet which is bigger than the entire country of Sri Lanka whom we defeated in the finals and had the World Cup mounted on the hood of my Royce.My Rolls Royce bears the World's Coolest Hood Ornament.
Now if you see the World Cup on a Rolls Royce driving on Marine Drive, hell all of Mumbai and India even then you know it belongs to My Greatness.
Remember these faces people. They are the ones who made it happen:
Special Correspondent Trilochan Deshpande|Jhunjhunwala News Network
19th May, 2010
[Mumbai]Canadian person and Teen Music Idol Justin Bieber could face a lot of trouble if he is to enter India.
Sources say that the sixteen year old international pop music sensation is likely to be arrested by the Special Task Force of the Mumbai Crime Branch for allegedly violating the Indian Constitution and several provisions of the Indian Penal Code or the IPC.
The J Times has also learnt from reliable sources that Justice P.N Gaitonde of the Mumbai Sessions Court has in fact issued an arrest warrant under the request of the Mumbai Police for Bieber’s arrest.
Mumbai Police CommissionerD.Sivanandan also held talks last night with senior officials of the Ministry of External Affairs so that the issue of extraditing Bieber is taken up with the Canadian government. The MEA is also likely to press the Interpol to issue a Red Corner notice against Bieber and ask for his immediate arrest by international law enforcement agencies.
Bieber, recently in the news for being a daily number one trending topic on social networking site twitter has millions of fans worldwide, many of whom are pre teen, teen and post teen girls.
The subject of controversy for Bieber has been his new music single from his latest album ‘My World 2.0’.Thesingle titled ‘BABY’ sung by Bieber in collaboration with international hip-hop artist Christopher Bridges better known by his stage name ‘Ludacris’ has been deemed to be too racy, derogatory and containing inflammatory remarks capable of causing communal tension across India.
Commenting on the issue SeniorInspector Tukaram Bhatavdekar of the Lokhandvala Police Station who is also part of the Special Task Force investigating Bieber said “This Justin BARBER ,He Is Doing Too Much Baby . Saalaa Na Cha Haraam Khor,Shaan Patti Karath ,Does He Not Know Population Of India? Eh! He Is Encouraging People To Have More And More Babies By Singing Baby! Kutricha Salaa Mai Ke.”
“I Have Personally Counted In His Music Video Where The Justin Barber Has Said Baby 219 Times In three Minutes. How Much Baby He Wants? How Can India With More Than One Billion Population Afford To Have More Babies? Kya Justin Barber Ka Baap Salaa Sab Baby Ka Kharcha Paani Karega?”
Noted Economist and Renowned Ad Film Maker Prahlad Kakkar said “India Does Not Have The Economic Resources To Feed New Born Babies Especially At The Rate At Which Justin Bieber Is Asking Couples To Have Babies. Therefore He Must Be Arrested Because He Has Hurt Indian Sentiments.”
Further commenting on the issue Inspector Bhatavdekar said “I Have Also Listened In The Video Where The Justin Barber Has Said ‘O Baby’. Full Department Has Heard Him Say ‘O Baby’.At First We Thought What This 'O Baby’ Is.Then We Realized He Is Doing Pronounciation Error. Justin Barber Should Actually Say ‘A Baby’ But He Is Saying ‘O Baby’. This Shows He Is Not Educated Boy. It Means His Parents Have Not Given Him Proper Education That Is Why He Is Saying ‘O Baby’ Instead Of ‘A Baby’.”
The issue has also raised a storm abroad. Popular Google Wave extension Unawave which was planning to sign Bieber to endorse Unawave when it debuts at the Google Developers Conference on May 19thhas canceled the decision to sign Bieber. A statement from the company said “Due To The Tension Mr.Bieber’s Video Has Caused In India Which Unawave Views As An Important Marketplace, The Decision To Drop Justin As A Brand Ambassador Has Been Taken With Immediate Effect.”
Political reactions have been flowing in thick and fast .Nearly all political parties have spoken out for the arrest of Justin Bieber thus cutting across party lines in a rare show of solidarity.
Maharashtra State Deputy Chief Minister and NCP member Chhagan Bhujbal said “Justin BEERBAR Is A Dangerous Criminal.NCP Will Do Its Best To Get Him Arrested. We Have Already Promised In Election Manifesto That We Will Cut Down The Number Of Beer Bars Across Maharashtra. Arresting Justin Beerbar Will Not Only Reduce Baby Population In India But Also Promote Closing Of Illegal Beer Bars Across The State. Jai Maharashtra!”
Also commenting on the issue is Congress MP and National Commission For Women(NCW) Chairperson, Girija Vyas who termed the warrant for Bieber’s arrest as a “Liberating Move” for women and a “Positive Step For Birth Control And Prevention Of AIDS”. Dr.Vyas said “ Justin PIPER Is A Typical Example Of Male Chauvinist Thinking .It Is Not Possible For Women To Humanly Produce So Many Babies As Justin Piper Wants In His Song Because Woman’s Uterus Has Limited Capacity. It Is A Human Organ Afterall Not A Baby Making Machine. I Congratulate The Mumbai Police In Making Swift Progress To Arrest Justin Piper.”
In fact the subsidiary arm of the Women’s Commission known as the Women’s Association Of India has awarded its ‘Man Of The Year’ award to Inspector Bhatavdekar who will be facilitated by Maharashtra CM Ashok Chavan at a grand function with a trophy and a cash prize of Rupees 10,000.
Upon being congratulated for winning the Women’s Association Of India ‘Man Of The Year’ award Inspector Bhatavdekar said “Award Is Not Important.What Is Important Is To Catch The Criminals Who Break The Law.Mumbai Police Will Definitely Arrest The Justin Barber.”
Ram Das Kadam of the Shiv Sena addressed media persons outside Shiv Sena Party Headquarters where he said “JUSTICE BIEBERShould Be Investigated Thoroughly.CBI Should Investigate His Finances, In Any Case Till There Is Proper Probe Shiv Sena Will Protest Justice Bieber’s Elevation As Judge In Honorable High Court Of Maharashtra.” Upon being corrected by media persons that they had asked him about Justin Bieber and not JUSTICE Bieber ,Kadam proceeded to say that he was “Misquoted” and “Quoted Out Of Context By The Media” .He also called for the Chief Minister’s Resignation saying that it was the Congress-NCP policies in Maharashtra that had resulted in an overwhelming increase in the baby population.
But the last word on the matter once again belonged to Inspector Bhatavdekar who roared confidently “We Also Have The Information That Justin Barber Is A Terrorist And Is Related To David Headley”. Declining to further comment on the issue Inspector Bhatavdekarsaid “If Needed We Will Do Encounter On The Justin Barber. He Cannot Escape From Mumbai Police. Choothiya Gandus Like Justin Barber Who Want To Do Babies Will Not Be Spared. We Have Increased Security Along The Border So That We Can Arrest Him The Moment He Is Seen.”
One year ago RR Patil was the Home Minister of Maharashtra,
One year later RR Patil is still the Home Minister of Maharashtra.
One year ago the News Channels were playing clips from the 26/11 attacks,
One year later the News Channels are still playing clips from the 26/11 attacks.
One year ago Kasab was alive,
One year later Kasab is still alive.
Congratulations everybody!
We simply changed the date and time,
From 26/11/2008 to 26/11/2009!
Most importantly one year later we now have pay per second billing. Now we can all sing on trains DoCoMo…DoCoMo...DoCoMo…
But some things stay the same and one among those things I mentioned is RR Patil. You may feel scared to travel to or live in Mumbai but it’s a good thing that RR Patil has returned as the Home Minister of Maharashtra.
Why? Because he inspires CONFIDENCE. He’s a CONFIDENCE INSPIRER.
All of these people are confident about RR Patil.I asked them about RR Patil and this is what they said.
Damn! RR Patil is solid:
Udayan Mukherjee,CNBC TV18/Backstreet Boy Wannabe: “RR Patil: He has the reputation of being the single baddest and toughest son of a bitch in the history of the world.
I mean there are bad guys and there are badder guys but this guy he’s fu#kin crazy man!!! He’s an all-round badass!!!
RR Patil is in fact the role model for Stone Cold Steve Austin. In fact Austin borrowed/requested RR Patil to let himuse the ‘3:16’ tag. Much before Stone Cold Steve Austin, RR Patil was known as ‘Patil 3:16’. It was only after Patil 3:16 that Austin 3:16 was born.
Nobody Fuc#in even Fuc#in tries to Fuc# with RR Patil.
He is one gob smacking, sucker thrashing, face pounding, heart pulverizing, ass whooping, ball breaking, head thramming, come-straight-to-your-house–and-beat-you-into-dust , foul mouthed , alkali spewing,make-you-urinate-in-your-pants,straight-from-the-pits-of-hell-Satan’s-son , legitimate-bash-you-in-your-fuc#in-face-son-of-a bitch badass if ever there was one and once he’s done with you all that’s left to say is:
“Patil 3:16 just whooped your ass!”
G Janardhana, International Superstar/Reddy Brother: “There are only two people in the world that can get a woman pregnant by just looking at her. One is Rajinikant and the other is RR Patil. That’s how intense he is. In RR Patil’s case he can get a woman pregnant by looking at her for just 1 second.
I mean he just looks at her and the baby pops out. Seriously ….I know this one woman and RR Patil looked at her for one minute and babies just started dropping from her uterus. They just dropped man! like ripe fruits from a tree! There were babies everywhere!!!
Babies on the floor, babies on the ceiling, babies on the walls, babies on my head, babies in my eyes. Absolutely everywhere. Babies everywhere man, everywhere!! He took that room from being an ordinary room to a Maternity Ward in thirty seconds flat.”
Deve Gowda, Former Prime Minister/Youth Icon: “RR Patil can make P.Chidambaram’s lungi fall down by just snapping his finger. Once in front of Sonia Gandhi, RR Patil snapped his fingers and Chidambaram’s lungi fell off. Just like that. Anyone who can do that should be Home Minister of Maharashtra.”
Arindam Chaudhuri, Rockstar MBA Action Person: “If there’s anyone who can secure Mumbai its RR Patil. RR Patil is so destructive that things explode behind him whenever he walks. Movies copied that only after RR Patil showed it to the world.
I thought I was the only one who could do the ACTION MAN WALK.
But RR Patil. Damn! He just blew me away. He just walks and things start exploding behind him. I’ve seen a lot of things in my life but I’ve never seen anything like RR Patil’s action man walk. Only he is capable of being Maharashtra’s Home Minister.”
Rehman Malik, Frustrated Fellow, Evidence Lover: “Let me tell you one thing. You know why Hafiz Saeed is under house arrest in Pakistan. That’s just political Pakistan horse shit. Hafiz Saeed is scared to come out of his house because he’s scared that RR Patil will smash him. That’s why he hasn’t come out of his house in over a year.”
Mukesh Ambani, Gas Fighter: “Oh you want proof ha! I’ll give you bloody proof!!! You know that Quentin Tarantino fellow whose latest film was Inglourious Basterds. Well his next film is based on RR Patil. It’s called Inglourious Patils.”
Mei Chun Hua,Captain, Chinese Women’sCricket Team: “Kareena Kapoor has always been brainless but RR Patil he made her backless, dress-less and almost naked.”
Yashodhan Rao Kadam,Sa Re Ga Ma PaLittle Champs 2009 Contestant/Small Boy:“When I grow up I want to be just like RR Patil uncle.”
Mullah Jakrezi Ahmed,Real Person/Disabled Ex-Terrorist: “I regret the day I messed with RR Patil. He tore my legs and hands out and since then I’ve been suffering. I can’t even scratch anywhere without help because I lack hands and legs.Terrorists are shit scared of RR Patil.”
Dharmendra, Actor/Drinker Of Dog Blood: “RR Patil has drunk mother’s milk. He is super duper smash mouth strong. He invented the popular phrase of the Mumbai Police: “DO KYA KAAN KE NEECHE?” or “SHALL I GIVE UNDER EAR?”
RR PATIL ONCE GAVE SOMEBODY UNDER THEIR EAR AND THAT FELLOW’S HEAD BURST INTO A TRILLION PIECES AND EVAPORATED.”
Justice Liberhan, 17 Year Babri Masjid Report Veteran: “For 17 years I didn’t submit the Babri Masjid report because RR Patil’s image haunted my dreams and I couldn’t do any work. Now I’ve taken treatment and am much better but there are still times when RR Patil’s image creeps my brain out….”
RR Patil: No one is tougher or badder. Keeping Mumbai safe since 2003 but was on a break for a little while in 2009 but now he’s back.
No more 26/11’s .The RR Patil Guarantee because Patil 3:16 says he just Whooped your ASS!
