Saturday, November 14, 2009

NDTV Profit Presents Business On Course With Madhu Koda

Oh Yes! Shaili Chopra’s back!!! After the block buster TV smashing, TRP grabbing , moolah raking Super Broadcast Of The Year watched worldwide in 2678 countries : Business On Course With Lashkar E Toiba CEO Hafiz Saeed; here comes another soon to be world wide smash hit:

“NDTV Profit Presents Business On Course with Madhu Koda”

Without further ado, here’s the transcript. Learn people learn, it’s your privilege to learn from Madhu Koda.

Shaili: Welcome everyone to another beautiful day. Today’s broadcast comes straight from the Ranchi Golf Course here in Jharkhand and my guest today is none other than one among India’s greatest if not the greatest money launderer in India ,the man of the moment, Mr. Madhu Koda.

Madhu Koda: Thank you so much Shaili, you really flatter me!

Shaili: Mr.Koda you are a man with so many talents – Money Launderer, Scam Artist, Hawala Specialist, Politician, Which is your favorite role?

Koda: You know Shaili, many people ask me that very same question but I tell them that if you want to do what I do, then passion is the key. When you have passion in your heart, a burning desire to succeed, supportive colleagues and loving family members then you don’t really see your job in different compartments.

Yes it’s true that Hawala, Scamming, Politics and Money Laundering are among the many challenging aspects of my job but I don’t see them as being separate from each other.

At the end of the day I’m just trying to be the best common market thief I possibly can be.


Shaili: You’ve recently been in the news for your extraordinary success in the Hawala market. Your balance sheet stands right now at four thousand crores. What do you attribute this phenomenal success to?

Koda: Well Shaili, this is a popular misconception among many people I hear from. See, I started Koda Associates© a decade ago .The money in our latest balance sheet is a product of our hard work and corporate innovations from the past ten years. So it’s not as if Koda Associates gathered four thousand crores all of a sudden in one day!

What you are seeing now is the result of our hard work over the years.

Shaili: Hawala is however something that Koda Associates specializes in. You are the market leader in this field with more than 50% of the market share. How have you managed to become such a pioneer in Hawala?

Koda: Ahhh…. the thing is being an Indian company; we always get plenty of opportunities to enter the Hawala business. India is after all the world’s largest Hawala market both in number of market players and the revenues it generates…that goes without saying…

Shaili: Of course….

Koda: But I said it anyway…

Shaili: How true! Fascinating! Please continue.

Koda: As I was saying if you start out as a Hawala operator in India then you have an obvious geographical advantage to launder money.

That being said the flip side is that if you don’t develop a fine network of Money launderers and Hawala operators then you’re not going to make any money.

Koda Associates realized this in the beginning stages of operations, so we came out with a comprehensive plan to double and triple our infrastructure spending towards developing our own network of localized and international Hawala operators. This has gone a long way in making us a multi-billion dollar global enterprise.

Shaili: That brings us to an interesting and prominent side of your business. The world renowned Koda Hawala Integration Program™. Can you just enlighten our viewers about this?

Koda: Sure, the Koda Associates Hawala Integration Program is based on the simple but hard to implement principle that we will take your money and use our money laundering network to put it in Swiss Bank Accounts so that we can use it Now or Later or In Between Now and Later.

Shaili: So basically whenever!

Koda: Exactly!!! and that’s the beauty of this program .We can spend your money whenever we want and since it’s there in the Swiss Banks no one will be able to touch it. Absolutely no one except us of course.

Shaili: Is that how you were able to beat the recession?

Koda: Yes, our Swiss Bank Accounts gave us all the credit and liquidity we needed to tide over this tough global economic crisis. As the popular saying goes Recession Or No Recession, Bank Might Shut Down But Swiss Bank Will Never Shut Down’

Shaili: Another defining feature of your business style is the way you’ve been able to amalgamate your political career and your business activities. Everyone remembers the famous article where Time Magazine rated you among The 50 Most Corrupt Who Matter.


Koda: This is yet another area that Koda Associates worked on. In the beginning it was tough. We knew full well that business would become a lot easier if we entered the forefront of Indian politics.

Shaili: However, your journey into politics was not easy….

Koda: That’s true. See I was just an average everyday tribal man living in Jharkhand.

So when Koda Associates started to expand, there was always the question of where we were going to get the next few Lakhs and Crores to stack up and launder.

It was at this stage of my career that I decided to become a Politician.


Shaili: But Mr. Koda. Your journey is truly a remarkable one because despite being a politician for only under a decade you still managed to become the Chief Minister of Jharkhand. You still hold the record for being among India’s youngest Chief Ministers and only one among three independent candidates to have ever become the Chief Minister of an Indian State. So you are a trend setter in many ways.

Let me just ask you though, how come you stood for election as an independent and didn’t join any political party like the Congress or BJP? And how has this decision benefitted Koda Associates?

Koda: It was a strategic decision on my part to become an independent candidate. That way I could be more flexible...especially during something like a Trust Vote when the sitting charges for a local MLA to vote in favour of the government or against goes up by at least fifty to seventy times.


I’ve always been an impatient man. I want quick results. My wife often gets irritated with me over this habit of mine.


Shaili: Impatience is however one of your biggest strengths…if I’m not mistaken…

Koda: That’s what I keep telling my wife but she does rightly remind me that it’s both strength and a weakness!

But you know in my political career it has been my strength because had I followed the conventional route to become a politician then Koda Associates wouldn’t have been so successful.

Shaili: Is this also why you didn’t join a political party, preferring to be an independent…

Koda: Yes very much so.

These days if you join a Political Party you can’t make it to the top unless you’re the son or daughter of the party president .Take the example of a Rahul Gandhi or an Uddhav Thackeray.

My parents were never Party Presidents.

So the going was always going to be difficult for me and becoming Chief Minister would have been almost impossible.

Shaili: How so?

Koda: In my own case I only realized that becoming a politician was what I wanted to do later in my life.

By that time I had already lost a few good years you know.

I mean everyone knows how the journey to becoming a Chief Minister becomes in a big political party.

You start out as a Common Party Worker, cleaning desks and lighting fire crackers when the party wins an election.

If you do well you get promoted to Senior Party Worker and then you need to become a Youth Wing Leader.

After that you become an Executive Member and wait another ten years to become a National Executive Member or State Unit Chief.

By the time you make it to the Party High Command you’ve spent a good thirty to thirty five years of your life. It’s only then that you can become Chief Minister and that too if the Party Core Committee decides to appoint you so.

Of course there are other ways you can always jump to another party or cause a party split but that’s cumbersome.

That’s why I decided to become an independent and my rise to Chief Ministership has taken less than ten years….

Shaili: Mr.Koda looking to the future, what do you think about the future of scamming and money laundering, What’s your opinion in general about some of the younger Hawala companies emerging in today’s dynamic economy.

Koda: You know Shaili; this is probably the only area that concerns me the most.

I mean the opportunities to accumulate money in India are tremendous and the future is even more promising.

As politicians we’ve moved past the old days of just eating fuel and food subsidy money. These days we can diversify into eating all kinds of money across different State Budgets and Union Government Budgets.


When India is slated to grow at 9% then more money will come into building roads, building houses and hospitals, airports and electricity plants.

We can eat all that money.

Then there’s the government sponsored schemes themselves: Shelters for the Homeless, Schemes to Uplift the Backward Sections of Society, Schemes for AIDS Awareness, National Pulse Polio Program, Save the Girl Child Campaign, etc.

And into each one of these schemes thousands of crores are poured and;

We can eat all that money.

And when it rains it pours… literally.

During national disasters like Floods, Cyclones, Landslides and Earthquakes the Central Government gives away thousands of crore worth of packages and….

Shaili: You can eat all that money….!

Koda: Exactly…!!

So you see the opportunities are basically endless.

Shaili: Well then why the anxiety, Mr.Koda?

Koda: It’s the younger generation Shaili. They worry me the most.

They simply spend too much time on useless activities like Twitter and Facebook. When are they going to realize that they too can eat all that money…when will they realize that there is a lot of hard earned money out there that they can eat..?

They’ve simply gotten carried away by all this 2.0 stuff you know. I mean Twitter, Youtube and Facebook have all come about as a result of this Web 2.0 movement.

WHAT ABOUT CORRUPTION 2.0? You mean to say as Indians we can’t be world leaders in the next phase of corruption as well? As it is our ranking has slipped on the world corruption index.


Where is our next Harshad Mehta, Ketan Parekh, Ramalinga Raju, Sukhram or Mayawati going to come from?

Shaili: But surely there must be some young minds that have impressed you??

Koda: Matter of fact, I have been extremely impressed by the Reddy Brothers. They remind me of much younger versions of myself.

In fact the Ambani Brothers should try and be united like the Reddy Brothers.


I mean at such a young age the Reddy Brothers have been able to perform such a technically complicated move such as ‘THE HIJACK’

Shaili: The Hijack!!!????

Koda: Sorry! It’s an insider’s term. Let me explain. When you want to bargain with a Chief Minister or engineer a party split,Then You Must Hijack.

You round up all the MLA’s who you control and lure them out with alcohol and bundles of cash. Tell them you’re taking them on vacation and confiscate their cell phones. Then you call up a private bus operator and arrange two or three buses.

Put all the MLA’s or MP’s in and drive them to five star hotels and resorts in different cities.

You cordon off the hotels from the media and lo and behold! The hijack is done. Since there are no cell phones and no way for the other party people or the media to reach them there is no chance in hell for them to change their minds.

And once the deal is done, you can bring them back to the Assembly.

And the Reddy brothers did that beautifully to BS Yeddyurappa. They even made him cry.

Anyone who can pull off the hijack at such a young age holds a lot of promise for the future. They can definitely eat all that money….!

Shaili: Mr. Koda. On a slightly different note there is talk that you might go to jail over some irregularities in your company accounts.

Koda: At a recent Shareholders meeting of Koda Associates, I emphatically told our shareholders that all charges are baseless and utter rubbish. They’re being pushed by known corporate rivals who are envious of my scamming abilities.

But I’m not scared of going to jail. Living in Jharkhand which is under Naxal threat all the time you don’t know when the Maoists will cut off your head. So the most protected and safest place in Jharkhand is Ranchi Central Jail, guarded by cops all the time.


Also the jailor there is a good friend of mine and if I go to jail then I am ready. All the arrangements have been made. Just yesterday in fact I got an AC installed in the jail cell in case I need it.

Shaili: But aren’t you worried about the negative impact of your jail term on your political career.

Koda: Absolutely not, going to jail is a chance to get more votes. More people will vote for you if you are in jail. Look at what happened to Varun Gandhihe said he would cut off the hands of Muslims and got arrested but he won by a record margin and now is an MP. All because he went to jail.

Shaili: But even the Enforcement Directorate is investigating you, doesn’t that worry you even a bit?

Koda: Heh! Of course not! You can’t bring Madhu Koda down so easily.

They might send me to jail but before that there has to be a trial in the Sessions Court. If the verdict goes against me then I will appeal the verdict in the High Court. If I win then they will appeal it in the High Court.

Then if the High Court verdict goes against me then once again I will appeal in the Supreme Court. If it goes in my favor then they will appeal in the Supreme Court.

So this way twenty years will pass and by that time I will get bail and win another election and become Chief Minister again and again eat all that money….

Shaili: You sound so confident. Mr.Koda I admire your courage!

Koda: Well Shaili, people think that only Mahendra Singh Dhoni is the strong man of Jharkhand . But now people also recognize Arjun Munda, Shibu Soren and myself as more powerful strongmen from Jharkhand.

Shaili: Mr.Koda we’ve almost reached the end of our show. It’s been a pleasure talking to you. Just one last question what does Madhu Koda do in his free time when he’s not scamming or money laundering?

Koda: Well I am budding writer…heh he!…..In fact my latest book should hit the stands soon – ‘101 Easy Dishes To Cook And Eat So That You Can Get A Stomach Infection And Be Unavailable For Questioning By The Income Tax Department Because You’re In Hospital’


Shaili:I’m sure it’ll be a best seller Mr.Koda. That’s all from me ,Shaili Chopra. Thank you once again Mr. Koda for talking to us and goodbye dear viewers, don’t forget to eat all that money!

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