Saturday, April 27, 2013

Chinese Chit Fund

God bless the Chinese. A few days ago our great neighbor walked into Ladakh across the border and restarted the border problem.

I think they erected a hakka noodle shop. When the government told them to go back to their side of the border they said "No, Because We Are In Our Territory".

By the way according to the Chinese everything marked in red on this map is their territory.


And everything marked in red on this map is also their territory.

So technically they have not crossed any border and are in their territory only. The only part of the world which does not come under their territory is this part.

 And that’s because the Chinese are scared of her.

Didi is busy saving her party people from a chit fund scam.



This chit fund is one among many -it funds in India. Some of them are.

Ch*t fund - this is a fund used to take care of ch*tiyas :

Pit fund - a fund used to give compensation to families of babies who fall into borewell pits


Tit fund - this is self explanatory 

Hit fund - used to kill cockroaches like these 

And these

Kit fund - a fund that refurbishes all cricket bats in this guy's cricketing kit after he breaks them during a rampage

And finally,

Himmat fund - a fund that provides relief to all those victims who died after watching 

Friday, April 19, 2013

On Rape

When the 1st rape happened, I was shocked
When the 2nd rape happened, I was shocked again
When the 3rd rape happened,I was angry
When the 4th rape happened,I was livid,
When the 5th rape happened,I was outraged
When the 6th rape happened,I was manic
When the 7th rape happened,I was enraged
When the 8th rape happened,I was distraught
When the 9th rape happened,I was sad
When the 10th rape happened,I was helpless
When the 11th rape happened,I was tired
When the 12th rape happened,I was annoyed
When the 13th rape happened,I was frustrated

I stopped counting after that.

Now its happened so many times that I am simply dead just like her :

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

The Jhunjhunwala Times : Vijay Mallya To Hold Classes in singing 'OOH LA LA LA LE O' in last ditch attempt to revive Kingfisher Airlines

Repeated money loser and father of legendary douche bag Sidharth Mallya, Dr.Vijay Mallya has decided to start ‘OOH LA LA LA LE O’ training classes in a last ditch attempt to generate funds to revive Kingfisher Airlines.

Dr.Mallya who is best known for printing chronologically numbered days of the year in neat arrays also called calendars along with pictures of  half naked, semi naked and almost naked women has been in the news for presenting failed revival plan after failed revival plan for relaunching Kingfisher Airlines to the Director General Of Civil Aviation(DGCA)

Mallya who owns F1 car crashing team Force India and IPL Cricket Team Royal Challengers Bangalore has been struggling to find ways to repay the 7000 crore debt he owes to various moneylenders  who supplied funds to start Kingfisher Airlines.

Another successful crash for Vijay Mallya's F1 Team. Force India now holds the Guinness World record for Maximum Car crashes in F1 race history

In a last ditch effort to relaunch the airline Mallya has sought advice from the King Of Relaunch’ Shri Uday Chopra. Uday Chopra has been launched and relaunched so many times now that NASA has conferred on him the extremely prestigious title of ‘Honorary Space Shuttle’ in recognition of his relaunch efforts.

Still Photo Of Uday Chopra at the NASA ceremony where he was conferred the title of  HONORARY SPACE SHUTTLE

Chopra whose advice on relaunch has also helped struggling  comeback hero Jackky Bhagnani  has reportedly told Dr.Mallya to offer training classes in singing the Kingfisher group theme song ‘OOH LA LA LA LE O’ .Mallya had earlier limited his tutorial to Cricketers only by making an instructional video but will now provide a more detailed course to the general public.

Mallya will personally take classes for interested candidates in Kingfisher Airline Plane Hangars which have been fitted with microphones and musical instruments  converting them into classrooms for the occasion.

The syllabus will focus on the correct pitch, rhythm,beat and technical aspects of pronouncing OOH LA LA LA LE O. Sensing a business opportunity in this space noted internet critic and egg hatching,chicken-counting,diamond-finding,expert Nobel management laureate Doctor Professor Arindam Chaudhuri has started his own training classes in OOH LA LA LA LE O. The advertising tagline ‘Dare To Think Beyond Ooh La La Le O’ has already appeared in 98% of newspapers worldwide signaling tough competition to Mallya.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Why Ajit Pawar Is a Lot Like Urine

This is the photo of a great man.Take a good, hard look.

This is what he said :

I have therefore decided to make a comparative analysis of the hon-her- able Ajit Pawar and the salty end product of protein metabolism in vertebrates called urine.


Ajit Pawar

Human waste product
Universal waste product

Described by many as 'piss'
Described by many as a 'Piece of shit'

Color - varies from transparent to shades of yellow
Changes color according to political environment and climate

Created by excretion process
Created by election process

Dull,non-living thing not helpful to farmers
Lifeless product which expects farmers to use urine

Thriving ground for bacteria and disease
 Thriving ground for corruption and insensitivity

Associated with  waste products like crap and vomit
Associated with waste bodies  like RR Patil and Sharad Pawar

Longer it stays in the body the more pain and discomfort it causes
Longer it stays in the country more pain and discomfort it causes

Foul smelling + acidic
Foul talking + acidic

Conclusion : Urine does not have a mustache.

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