Monday, October 12, 2009

BULLDOG FACE CHHAGAN - A Logical Interlude In Doing Nothing

The Hon-Her-Able Deputy Chief Minister of Maharashtra = Shri Chhagan Bhujbal sent this message out to the voters of Maharashtra.

===========================================================================Align Center

Dear Citizens of the Great State of Maharashtra,

My name is Chhagan Bhujbal. Since my face resembles the face of a Bulldog I am fondly called BULLDOG FACE CHHAGAN.

I am most recognizable especially in countries like Canada and in our own wheat bowls of Punjab as Ace Bhangra Punjabi Pop Singing Sensation ‘CHHUGGY B’.

Coming soon is my new album in which I collaborate with fellow Punjabi singers Daler Mahendi, Gurdas Mann, Jazzy B;

and International Diva Kylie Minogue on a track called ‘Chhuggy Wuggy’ where Kylie wants to ‘Chhuggy Wuggy with me boy, Chhuggy Wuggy with me boy’

T-Series Cassettes and CD's proudly presents my new album “MERE PIND DE VAASTE”.Dropping in stores soon.


You may also know me as the Current Deputy Chief Minister of Maharashtra and it is in this avatar that I approach you today with humbly folded hands.


As you know Maharashtra is facing State Assembly Elections on October 13.It is my deepest request that you cast your valuable vote for the Congress-NCP alliance.

Please cast your vote in favor of ‘HAND’ symbol or ‘CLOCK’ symbol this election and bring us back to power.

Please just do this and I personally promise you that we will not bother you in any way for the next five years.

Our great alliance is headed by Shriji Sharadji Pawarji and the dynamic leadership of MadamJi Shrimatiji Soniaji Gandhiji.

If you vote for us you will also get the patronage of the Honorable Prime Minister of India Shri Dr.Manmohan Singhji also known to foreigners as “That Nice Man Who Wears A Turban And Is The Chief Of That Country Where Cows Are Worshipped”

While our distinguished political opponents are promising to do SOMETHING and many things to improve Maharashtra, please vote for us because we promise to do NOTHING.

You might be surprised, let me explain.

The essence of politics lies in the incorrect perception that doing SOMETHING will solve everyone’s problems while actually NOTHING really needs to be done.

My party philosophy is simple “DO NOTHING AND NOTHING WILL GO WRONG”

Our progress lies in the fact that NOTHING must be done and we are the only party alliance that promises to maintain this status quo.

Because if you do SOMETHING, then SOMETHING ELSE needs to be done. In fact our state and country are in such a horrible situation only because people have been doing SOMETHING or the other.

Every time there is a problem, politicians provide a solution and that solution only creates more problems.

For example during BJP-Shiv Sena rule they built some roads and then people started to drive their cars and bikes on those roads, now there is a traffic jam on every road in the city. If we had instead not built those roads then people would not have bought any vehicles and everybody would have walked to work or school. The extra exercise would have made them healthier; it is a proven fact that walking reduces the risk of heart disease by Thirty Five percent.

Now everybody is having Heart Problems and for that we have to build hospitals and provide doctors. But these bloody doctors go on strike every few days and patients become sick and get Swine Flu.

So like that, I am simply asking you to appreciate our skills and apply Human Resource skills with Psychology, have a positive attitude and change your way of thinking.

Because doing SOMETHING is the root cause of all our problems but our party promises to do NOTHING because if you do NOTHING, NOTHING can go wrong! See how simple it is.

Now take a look at our opponent Raj Thackeray and his MNS.

He wants to evict North Indians from Maharashtra and for that he is doing SOMETHING like breaking things like buses.

Now because of this the state government has to buy new buses and for that we have to raise taxes. See how unproductive doing SOMETHING is!

The BJP-Shiv Sena on the other hand says we need to do SOMETHING for the development of Maharashtra .Once again this is wrong because our alliance knows that NOTHING in reality needs to be done and development is overrated.

For example, if a water line bursts under the road you live on, the BJP promises to have that repaired as quickly as possibly. In our case we will do NOTHING and let the water leak.

In time the water will spill out and eventually become a lake. Then you can take your family and friends boating in that lake which was created because NOTHING was done!!

Scientific progress can also be achieved by doing NOTHING. Take the case of the American Space Agency NASA, they wanted to study the moon and bombed its surface thereby creating POTHOLES.

In our case, we did NOTHING when our roads started to deteriorate and achieved the same pothole effect that NASA created by blasting the moon for literally no money! See how much scientific progress we have achieved by doing NOTHING!

Professional success can also be achieved by doing NOTHING.

  • Take my own case, I was sitting at home doing NOTHING then 26/11 happened. From being an ordinary member of the Maharashtra Assembly I became Maharashtra’s Deputy Chief Minister all because I did NOTHING. Now others would have done SOMETHING like campaigning, kissing up to the party high command, etc but I did NOTHING and today I’m the Deputy Chief Minister of Maharashtra.
  • My predecessor Shri R.R Patil was ‘sacked’ for doing NOTHING during 26/11 but in reality he was rewarded because he did NOTHING. Be honest, no one had even heard of R.R Patil and the fact that he was the then Deputy Chief Minister Of Maharashtra, but during 26/11 like always he did NOTHING and now he’s super famous and well known in the media worldwide because he did NOTHING!
  • Instead had he actually done SOMETHING then even more problems would have been created. The opposition would have accused him of ulterior motives and asked the CBI for an enquiry. Even the media would have accused of doing the wrong SOMETHING. Instead he did NOTHING and look where he is today!
  • Even Maharashtra’s Chief Minister Shri Ashok Chavan was like me doing NOTHING. Then 26/11 happened and he continued to do NOTHING and now he’s the Chief Minister of Maharashtra!

  • Though of course our opposition will say that he was chosen to replace Shri Vilasrao Dehmukhji who too was accused of doing NOTHING during 26/11 and then ‘fired’ but once again that is untrue. Shri Vilasrao Deshmukh has merely achieved the next step of success. Because he did NOTHING he was the Chief Minister of Maharashtra, then he continued to do NOTHING and because his way of doing NOTHING was so profound during 26/11 , the Congress Party promoted him.
  • He’s now applying his skills of doing NOTHING in New Delhi where he is a Union Cabinet Minister. He was only a local state Chief Minister but now he is a national countrywide Union Cabinet Minister. Only because he did NOTHING!

Do you finally get the evil messages being spread by the opponents of the Congress-NCP alliance who all promise to do SOMETHING? Instead if you vote for us we will do NOTHING.

Because if you do NOTHING, NOTHING can go wrong. Do you finally get the beauty of doing NOTHING? It’s a marvelous way to live! And that’s the Standard Of Life that the Congress-NCP alliance offers you.

We offer NOTHING and in return NOTHING will happen so NOTHING needs to be done! And everyone will be happy.

If you need more convincing take the case of Barack Obama. He did NOTHING and today he’s a Nobel Peace Prize award winner!


Please cast your valuable vote in our favor and help us come back to power with a resounding victory.

Ganapati Bappa Morya.

God bless you,

On behalf of the Nationalist Congress Party,

Bulldog Face Chhagan.

Jai Maharashtra, Jai Marathi Manu!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...