I always knew I was going to be rich. I never doubted it for a minute.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
A Conversation With Mother India
So
I was puffing away on one of my Cohiba Cuban Cigars when the very
personification of this Great Country MOTHER
INDIA appeared. I bowed to her in Great Reverence, Admiration and my
patented Humbleness that those on twitter know me for. Then this
conversation happened:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Me:
WOW! Mother India!!! What a delightful surprise! I’m so happy to see you!!
Oh! And by the way,
a Very Happy Birthday to you! Happy Independence
Day!!
Mother
India: Thank you Rakesh but I am in no mood to
celebrate
Me: But Why? You are after all the most awesome 65 Year Old of all
time?!!!! You should be partying, instead you are moping around! Why O Mother India?
Why doth thou mope?
Mother
India:
Well, where do we begin?
65 years ago I was happy, it was a glorious
time. I was birthed to a time and a people who were filled with hopes, dreams, aspirations
and were willing to work hard, honestly and sincerely. A people who treated
each other with generosity and respect. A people who were determined to build a
country....
Sure, they weren't perfect, they had faults
but they were the inheritors of FREEDOM.
A Freedom obtained after a struggle. What
others were born into, the Indians were made to work for.
It is the desecration of that sacred freedom
which has left me so gloomy at the age of 65. Down the line my children have
learnt to take it for granted instead of striving and working towards enriching
it…
Me: But! But! Things aren’t that bad Mother India. I mean surely you can’t
be that sad about your children!!
Mother India: Rakesh my son, I am certainly
not implying that. What distresses me is that the bad about India, far, far
outweighs the good...
Imagine
the whole of India as my body. From Kashmir
begins my head and at Kanyakumari
end my feet.
Gujarat is like a right hand and the Northeast
is like a left hand. The states in between make up my shoulders and neck.
Madhya Pradesh and Uttar
Pradesh make up my stomach.
What I’m trying to say is that each state is
an integral part of me and even if a single state or part is hurt then my
entire body is off balance. Even if a cell is damaged my entire body is in
pain.
More importantly, the body is like a
machine. The sum of the parts is what makes the whole. It’s what keeps the
system running. Even if one part is injured, it’s not just that part but the
whole entire body which bears the burden of the pain and discomfort.
BUT WHAT MAKES A GOOD BODY IS A DECENT MIND
AND A DECENT ENOUGH SOUL AND THOSE ARE MY CHILDREN.
MOTHER INDIA'S SOUL IS NOTHING MORE THAN THE
PEOPLE OF
INDIA and frankly I don't expect my
children to be extraordinary. I just want them to be decent people who treat
each other well...
Me: I think I understand, you have expectations from your children like
any Mother does...
Mother
India:
I never expected all my children to be like him –
I
just don’t want one son to harm another, like this fellow does:
Or
this fellow:
What
a Mother has belongs to all of her children but some of my children have become too greedy. They take from others what does not belong to them,
Me: Hmmm
Mother India: Scam
after scam has clotted my blood
Vidarbha is barren. When the rains fail
families starve and farmers kill themselves
There’s a never ending terror problem in
pretty much every part of the country. They’ve bombed Mumbai a million times
and don’t even get me started on 26/11....
Gujarat Riots, Fanatics, Naxalites,
Extremists, Terrorists, pretty much The Works...
Fake Encounters, Mafia Hits,
Media Pimps,
A Government that can’t seem to do anything
about anything and an Opposition that won't allow even that which can be done
to get done,
Then there's the usual crime problem, water problem,
electricity problem, extra special inflation problem, food grains rotting in
godowns etc, etc, etc,etc and more etc,etc
Baba Problem
Sex Baba Problem
A Lokpal Bill which is a Jokepal and pretty
soon Anna Hazare is promising an Independence Day Special with yet another
hunger strike because for the government to do something one must starve and
for a government to also not do anything one must starve!
Super No! I could go on and on, the list is
pretty much endless.
Now you tell me should I really be
celebrating my birthday in such an environment? Should I be happy? Must I
rejoice in the know that what I am supposed to represent means something
totally different these days? Or even worse means nothing at all? Is Apathy a
way of life to my children?
Me: At least we have Independence!
Mother India: That’s
true Rakesh, Independence is special and it’s beyond explaining in words alone.
But
it’s not Independence that we should be hailing. It’s not a case of INDEPENDENCE; it’s a case of IN DEPENDENCE
We
are IN DEPENDENCE on Money
IN DEPENDENCE on Growth
IN DEPENDENCE on Petrol
IN DEPENDENCE on the Monsoons
IN DEPENDENCE on Healthcare
IN DEPENDENCE on Roads
IN DEPENDENCE on Infrastructure
IN DEPENDENCE on Education
IN DEPENDENCE on Security
Once
again I could go on and on, the list is yet again endless.
BUT THAT WHICH INDIA IS MOST IN DEPENDENCE
OF IS THE 1.2 BILLION CITIZENS WHO MAKE MOTHER INDIA A MOTHER.
And if those who Mother India is IN
DEPENDENCE on don't try to be decent citizens then I will never be truly
independent.....
Me: But I know one thing that India has which will make you extremely
happy! Euphoric even, a cascading fountain of joy you will be drenched under!!!
Mother
India:
WHOA! OK I’m excited, what is it? Tell me my son Rakesh, what is that will make
me so happy?!
Me: Telebrands Mother India!
Telebrands!!!!!
TELEBRANDS!
SAARE JAHAN SE ACHCHA
TELEBRANDS HUMARA
Labels:
2011,
AWESOMENESS,
bjp,
Congress,
Corruption,
Freedom,
Gandhi,
Independence,
India,
rakesh jhunjhunwala,
rakesh jhunjhunwala blog
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Hello, Rakesh Jhunjhunwala Now Comes With 25% Extra!!!
There are
people who say “ALWAYS GIVE
A 100 %” in whatever endeavors you undertake. I’ll tell these people right now that they are
wrong! WRONG, WRONG, WRONG and more WRONG Dammit! Whatever I say is right and right
now I am saying that one must never give a 100%. Rather they must always give
25%.
This is why
I made an announcement recently that I intend to give 25% of my wealth away
towards charity and the betterment of society.
I mean I
have so much money that even Mukesh Ambani
borrows from me. Who do you think keeps Reliance's shares on the BSE Sensex
huh? So 25 percent is not going to affect me much. I can buy this whole planet, this whole solar system, this whole galaxy
and if needed the entire universe if I wanted with the remaining 75% and still
have enough cash to lead the high rolling,
stake holding, gold bearing, diamond owning, yacht sailing, jet riding, snow skiing, Rolls racing, Helicopter flying, Samosa eating, booze guzzling, red carpet
pimping, Note crunching Legendary Investor life that I already lead....RIGHT.
But
this 25 percent will make a difference in the lives of those who need it. I am
glad that in a country where poverty is a way of life 1 super awesome fantastic
human being jumped forth from the drudgery of the melancholy of society to
herald a beacon of kindness and philanthropy to the multitudes of poverty
thereby inspiring even the inspired to a state of giving.
I am the giver of givers, the kindest of the kind,
the coolest of the cool, the awesomest of the awesome and the humblest of the
humble! Oh glorious day! I make myself spill tears of joy at the sheer ecstatic
pleasurable benevolence of my supremely supreme wonderful mega giving nature.
But why 25%? Why not 24%
or 26% or even 47.876543901353749407153380245731%??????
The answer is simple. Marvel at the
mathematical precision of this wonderful percentage called 25. For starters
take a look at this picture of Rakhi Sawant:
Now look at Rakhi
Sawant's CHEST AREA WITH 25 % EXTRA.
This clearly
demonstrates the power of 25 percent. Nonetheless for the sake of convenience I
shall re-explain.
Here is Anil
Kapoor with normal percentage of Chest Hair:
Now look at Anil
Kapoor with 25% EXTRA CHEST HAIR.
Still don't
get it? Then this will make things even clearer. Forget Anil Kapoor; now look
at Sonam Kapoor with normal chest hair:
See! This is why 25% is such a magical figure and it is by philanthropy-izing alone that a suitable tribute can be paid to this wonderfully wonderful harmony of numerals juxtaposed into a percentage syntax.
Now watch
and listen to this mega danceable song from ‘Heyy Babyy’ which also has 25% more!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)