Experts debate rape on facebook

After Sudin Dhavalikar's comments, the following high level discussion took place on facebook :

               

     

'I Did Not Rape That Girl. IT WAS A LIFT INSPECTION' - Tarun Tejpal

Dear Sir Sri Jhunjhunwala,

My name is Tarun Tejpal and I am not a rapist.

I used to run a magazine called Tehelka till I was forced to take a 6 month vacation .My idiot Managing Editor Shoma Chaudhury now runs the place while I do laceration and atonement.

No , Not the film 'Atonement' but you get the idea.

For the past few days News has been rife with news of something I was supposed to have done inside a Hotel Lift in Goa to a fellow employee at Tehelka.

I am writing this letter to you to put forward the facts of that night.I want to set the record straight.

1.) The event in itself can best be described  from many leaked emails and statements as rape , molestation , sexual harassment , sexual assault , sexual misconduct , sexual liason , sexual banter, one sided consensual sex, untoward incident  A LIFT INSPECTION.  It was a lift Inspection I had carried out that day with my young journalist friend. It had nothing to do with any criminal behavior of any kind.

2.) For long I have been worried about the state of India's elevators and LIFTS. More so, because our country's state of load bearing hydraulics and weight hoisting machinery from one floor to another has been very problematic.

3.) The problem of dangerous lifts was brought to my attention by well known singer and frequent Visa applicant, Adnan Sami who very beautifully annotated in his song 'Lift Kara de' the issue of weak and potentially fatal lifts.

4.) On the day of the incident I was merely doing a lift inspection, I had even hooked up one of my famous Tehelka sting operation cameras into the lift CCTV so that I could do a sting operation on the Hotel where I was staying. Unfortunately I found out much later that the lift had no CCTV in the first place.This was my sheer bad luck.

5.) I want to tell you categorically since you are the only person on this planet whose authority overrules even that of Arnab Goswami, The Supreme Court and The US President...combined, that I DID NOT RAPE THAT GIRL!

6.) It Was Completely Her Fault! She not only wore sexy clothes but also ate Chowmein and used fancy mobile phones - all of which have been comprehensively proven to cause rape according to Khap Panchayats. She was showing me pictures of Chowmein on her mobile phone in an attempt to titillate me!

7.) Despite such brazen provocations I did not get affected and continued to inspect the lift for faulty wiring,structural flaws,etc. It just so happened that this wiring happened to be in the girl's clothes and on her body.

8.) This is a political conspiracy to stop India from providing world class lifts to its citizens. The Congress and the BJP have once too often engaged in corruption and swallowed the funds meant for lift construction. These political parties want common people of India to be stuck in a tyranny of stair climbing while fat netas from their own parties continue to get LIFTED to higher levels.

9.) Tehelka has always stood for Strong and fair journalism. I am confident that despite my atonement they will reach higher levels...literally,because I have told Shoma to put more lifts in the Tehelka office building.Thus we will break our dependence on the laceration caused to our feet  by walking and climbing stairs.

 

In Conclusion - I Did Not Rape That Girl. IT WAS A LIFT INSPECTION - I REITERATE

                                                                                                                              

Journalist and Lift Inspector,

Tarun Tejpal

Tarun Tejpal to start National Commission for Men(NCM) to protect Men from Women

 

Prominent journalist, well known writer and recent molester Tarun Tejpal today said that he will form a National Commission for Men or NCM to safeguard and protect the rights of men everywhere in India.

Tejpal who is currently on a 6 month vacation spoke to The J Times from an undisclosed location and disclosed angrily 'Look,I am very unhappy with the way Men are being treated in this country ...especially by women. There is no one to uphold the sanctity of men anywhere in this country.Indian Men have been oppressed for far too long and this is why I am going to form a body for men,by men and of men'

Speaking further,he added ' I have already invited Actor Shakti Kapoor to be our President.He is an inspiration and a role model whose  fight for men's rights on the silver screen has been unparalleled.  He should have been awarded the inaugural Bollywood Centenary award but it was awarded instead to Waheeda Rehman,a woman. Yet another case of men being discriminated against.Furthermore,I have also extended invitations to former iGate and Infosys sexual harassment victim Phaneesh Murthy and actor Shiney Ahuja. I am also delighted to inform you that Godman Asaram and his  son Narayan Sai whose attempts at bringing Religion and Molestation together have been absolutely iconic, will also be joining the NCM'

'We have also approached CBI Director Ranjit Sinha to be our first CEO,his experience in law enforcement  and criminality is unmatched in the annals of India.His recent statement which implied that rape which cannot be stopped might as well be enjoyed proves that his dedication to men's safety issues is serious.' he insisted.

Tejpal continuing to address the issue of men's rights accused the National Commission for Women or NCW of being 'sexist' and completely 'feminist' .He said ' How can a body that is supposed to achieve Gender equality be only bothered about one gender  namely Women? How?! It is absurd and ludicrous. There is not a single Man on the National Commission for Women.How can this be? I plan to introduce a bill in Parliament called the Men's Reservation Bill, which will compulsorily provide Men with 33% reservation in the NCW.'

When asked about the specific case of Mens rights abuse,Tejpal shouted ' Look at Mallika Sherawat! She recently terrorized so many men on a TV show. She made them perform one demeaning task after another and treated them violently in an effort to achieve married status.Is this not a case of pre-meditative dowry harassment? '

Lastly, he added ' One of our members is a very aspiring,hard working Knife and  Machete salesman.'

'When he tried to sell a steel machete to a woman in a Bangalore ATM recently,he was accused of assault!Yet another case of Men being harassed by Women. What nonsense is this?! It is to avoid and fight things like this only that I am going to start the NCM.'

On Rape

When the 1st rape happened, I was shocked

When the 2^nd rape happened, I was shocked again

When the 3^rd rape happened,I was angry

When the 4^th rape happened,I was livid,

When the 5^th rape happened,I was outraged

When the 6^th rape happened,I was manic

When the 7^th rape happened,I was enraged

When the 8^th rape happened,I was distraught

When the 9^th rape happened,I was sad

When the 10^th rape happened,I was helpless

When the 11^th rape happened,I was tired

When the 12^th rape happened,I was annoyed

When the 13^th rape happened,I was frustrated

I stopped counting after that.

Now its happened so many times that I am simply dead just like her :

LADYKILLER

In the winter of 2009, one man undertook a mission that everyone else considered to be near impossible. Those who had tried before him were left broken, disfigured and mentally scarred to a point where they were regarded only as mere infants. It was a task which required the one who tried to perform it to bear immense activity, torture, ridicule, scrutiny and a threat to one’s own life.

So monumental was the task that few felt only God could perform it. But no matter how difficult it was ,it still had to be done.

From the shadows emerged a Hero on his Stallion, brazen sword in hand ready to destroy all enemies and lead his tribe back into the light. At the forefront of world politics, the World’s largest democracy was in disarray. Its principal opposition party known as the BJP (Bharatiya Janata Party) was crumbling.

Left unchecked it would soon disappear and the nation of a Billion (No, Not China) would fall solely into the hands of the one enemy of the BJP called ‘MADAMJI’ or worse still that atrocity of a political farce, draped in red from head to toe, the monster which hunted with hammer and sickle known as the Communist Party.

To check the spread of evil at a time when India was in chaos. He arrived, sent from the future to lead the BJP and spread the Saffron all over India and one day ,the World.

This Is The Story Of That One Man, His Immense Charisma, Hero And His Ginormous Lady Entrapment Skills.

THIS IS THE STORY OF NITIN GADKARI.

THE LADYKILLER.

BIRTH: Nitin Gadkari was born on 27 May, 1957.His entry into the world of mortals had been prophesized for more than a quarter of a century. Astrologers the world over had proclaimed that such a one as this would indeed be born. One with the strength of a RHINOCEROS, the charisma of a TALKING PARROT, the eyes of a HAWK and most importantly the magnetism of a PEACOCK.

Women the world over were destined to fall to his charms, they would swoon at his mere look, fall for that deadly swagger and drool over that body which put many a Greek God to shame.

He was born in a small ward at a local Government Hospital in Nagpur on that fateful night in May 1957.

Thunderstorms raged, wolves howled and the moon shone as bright as the sun. Cars and scooters stopped. Buses screeched to a halt. As he bawled out of his mother’s womb, Nagpur came to a standstill.

The just born Nitin’s powers were so immense that he was able to simultaneously give every female nurse and doctor in that hospital MULTIPLE ORGASMS simply by crying.

Such was his power.

The gynecologist who delivered him immediately realized that this was someone supremely special. Dr. Anant Telengana Doordarshan Colgate *

(* name changed to protect privacy) respectfully christened the just born Nitin Gadkari as LADYKILLER.

Since that day Nitin Gadkari came to be known as THE LADYKILLER.

EARLY DEVELOPMENT: LADYKILLER Nitin was a precocious child. His parents had a very difficult time controlling him as he played on the streets of Nagpur. Still unaware of his powers; Nitin was unable to understand why young teenage girls around him suffered from electric shocks and salivated at the very sight of him. LADYKILLER was becoming stronger everyday and his powers of attraction were reaching an all new level.

COLLEGE AND FORMAL EDUCATION: Fresh out of school, Gadkari entered college. On the day that he took his college admission form, LADYKILLER gave all the female staff of the college ‘STRANGE UNDERGROUND SENSATIONS’. Each of their uterine walls skipped a beat as LADYKILLER walked through the campus. Litres of female hormones surged through their systems.The Progesterone build up led to all the women wanting to simultaneously mother LADYKILLER and call him ‘BETA’ or ‘SON’.

But Nitin studied hard and graduated in Commerce and Law.

However he did gain the reputation of being a ‘PLAYER’ or a ‘PLAYA’ in college.

As he chilled with his ‘ICED OUT HOMIES’ ,rumors gathered that LADYKILLER partied all night. He was ‘BLINGED UP’ from head to toe and he only traveled in cars which were totally ‘PIMPED OUT’ with ‘HOT MAMA’S RIDING IN THE BACK’.

He wore 24 carat diamond rings and each of his rings wore their own 24 carat diamond rings. His teeth were also embedded with diamonds. ‘THEM GRILLZ’ shone bright and Gadkari made Nagpur the heart of the ‘FIZZLE’ and ‘DRIZZLE’ and some ‘PIZZLE’. The City of Oranges had the SIZZLE all because of LADYKILLER.

He would party all the time and ‘GET BUSY’ with the ladies. They screamed out his name as the PLAYA played the game.

Smooth as fine wine, LADYKILLER would ‘HIT THAT’ as he ‘POPPED THAT THANG’ and ‘DID THAT SHITZZ WITH THEM BITCHES AND HOES’.

On a student exchange trip LADYKILLER went to the United States of America. As he walked Through Los Angeles, Hollywood went GAGA over his stunning boyish handsome looks.

His smile lightened and brightened all of the United States. Movie producers lined up outside his college hostel in an attempt to sign the LADYKILLER.

But LADYKILLER was not interested, he told them to get lost and they did. Till today no one has found them.

RETURN TO INDIA, MEETING WITH THE GRAND PROPHET: Back from the States , LADYKILLER soon graduated and completed his formal education. The college was sad to see him go. The ladies were heartbroken. As he waved goodbye to them, women unable to bear the grief of separation killed themselves by jumping of the nearest cliff. A memorial stands to this day at that very spot where thousands of women jumped to their end unable to experience the ‘VIBRATIONS’

that had made Gadkari the LADYKILLER.

As a fresh out of college Gadkari pondered about his future. A hallowed figure approached him.

It was none other than the great right winged prophet of the ages. Mohan Bhagwat, the Chief of the RSS. Because his face resembled that of a masculine Walrus, he was popularly called WALRUS FACE BHAGWAT.

Walrus Face Bhagwat took the young Gadkari under his wing flipper and taught him the ancient ways of LADYKILLER YOGA.

In a few months, Gadkari was able to fully master his control of the senses. He had unleashed the true power of what it meant to be the LADYKILLER.

Then on, Gadkari partied like a Rock Star. He enjoyed the Mile High Club and spent weekends smoking Cubans, Sipping Champagne, High Rolling Casinos and Hot Tubbing in his Yachts and the women as usual could not contain themselves.

PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT: Finding employment in the RSS thanks to the guidance of the WALRUS FACE, Gadkari also multitasked as a student leader of the BJP.This was also the time when Gadkari went from being a sex symbol in Nagpur to a national and later a global epitome of masculinity, a flamboyant Ox of a man with huge pulsating shoulders ready to make women ‘COME’ simply by saying “COME BABY”.

As he marched through the dusty streets of India recruiting Svayamsevaks and Karyakartas for the RSS, women young and old thronged for miles around him chanting the heavenly chorus of his name.

‘GADKARI, GADKARI’ screamed ladies of all ages, pre-pubescent girls to grandmothers drooling from their dentures.

There was simply no end. It was like he was in heat all the time, even though he was a guy. He was scorching hot and the girls loved him for it.

He even attracted females of other species.

Women flashed him almost every minute of the day. Even when he made a passionate speech, women lined up, lifted their tops and revealed what lay beneath.

By the time he was thirty five, Gadkari had seen more TITS than any other person in the world, even the most well known silicon plastic surgeon in the heart of California had not observed such a magnificent array of female mammary glands. Undoubtedly, the LADYKILLER had affected the biggest attack of mass ‘BOOBAGE’ on the planet and he alone was able to bear the tremendous impact of such mighty power! Hallelujah! Oh Glorious day!

SENIOR FELLOW: As the legend of Gadkari became well known, he soon became a media darling. By now Gadkari was said to be ‘HITTING THAT’ and ‘GETTING SOME’ on a 24/7 basis.

Every female anchor from India, be it a Nidhi Razdan, Barkha Dutt, an Anubha Bhonsle or a Shereen Bahn were simply enthralled at the fine flaming juice that poured forth from the sweat glands of the LADYKILLER and intoxicated their brittle female nostrils. They pleaded with him for interviews and he charmingly obliged. For them each interview was a slice of the longest most sensual experience they had ever come across or ever would.

It was only a matter of time before Gadkari would act in films. Hollywood and Bollywood combined to bring the essence of Gadkari, the LADYKILLER onto the big screen. Nitin Gadkari Starred In And As The LADYKILLER In The Film: LADYKILLER.

Needless to say it went on to become the most watched film of its generation.

STATESMAN: Knowing that his future lay in the Legislative Council of Maharashtra and not the ordinary world of cinema. Gadkari made no more films after ‘LADYKILLER’ .Instead he concentrated even more intensely on his political career balancing his RSS ideals with the BJP’s ambitions and his duty as the Public Works Department Minister of Maharashtra with obvious ease.

He initiated the single largest road building program in India. Women the world over used these very roads to travel and catch a single glimpse of the LADYKILLER.

Such was his prowess that his MUSK was deemed to be more potent than the venom of a Cobra or the musk of a Bull Elephant.

Gadkari also judged Beauty Pageants and Wet T-shirt Contests. Young belles lined up in see through, wet apparel as the LADYKILLER judged their assets. A single gaze from him sent the girls into a massive coma. Some went mad and others simply died of cardiac arrest.

He partied like a Rockstar and was surrounded by Hordes of Groupies. He would ‘STAY FLY’ and be ‘BALLIN’.Not only was he 'FLY', but he also got plenty of 'ASS' as they all lined up for him swinging their 'BOOTY'.

He was not called LADYKILLER for nothing. The song ‘AANKH MAARE’ from the film ‘TERE MERE SAPNE’ is said to be inspired by the HYPNOTIC WINKING ABILITY of Gadkari.

Legend has it that the 2004 Tsunami was caused when Gadkari winked an eye at the Indian Ocean and all the female fish were driven to the point of immense MULTIPLE ORGASMS so much so that their pulsating tremors created the MASSIVE TIDAL WAVE.

THE FRONTLINE: Gadkari was by this time the most popular leader in the world. Everyone from Priyanka, Bipasha, Katrina, Kareena, Julia, Angelina and Mayawati wanted him .They wanted to taste the blissful ecstasy that tasted even sweeter than Ambrosia from the very pores of the insatiable LADYKILLER.

As he strode in his RSS Khaki shorts, tons of hyperventilating women were admitted in hospital .Their very bones had cracked at the sheer magnificence of Gadkari’s Oak like thighs as they protruded from the bold khaki shorts.

As he ‘CLEANED UP’ and ‘LOOKED SHARP’, those gleaming elephantine thighs combined with the swagger only he produced in the way he ‘POPPED’ those hips, the women were again driven to the point of sheer unbridled exaltation!! The very sight of his Thighs and hips made them forget life itself!

Such was the popularity of those legendary,chunky,thighs of Gadkari that many a mother hung a Framed Photograph with arrows pointing specifically to those thighs.The photo itself was said to have magical powers.Any infertile women would get pregnant if she stared at those juicy,hulky,stud bearing titanic pillars of the toughest man hide, said to be crafted by God Himself.

So iconic were his thighs that many a cartoonist caricatured those fabulous pieces of meat on the Saffron Lotus of the BJP.

LEADER: Finally His time had come. After years of being the Star Performer in the team it was now his turn to be the Captain of the Team. In the December of 2009, LADYKILLER was appointed the President of the BJP with due blessings of the Walrus Face. His fellow compatriot Sushma Swaraj nearly died of severe immediate Asthma unable to bear the joy as she realized she would be in the same room as him.

What a long journey it was for the LADYKILLER and now it continues. The BJP needed him and he was there but could he lead them to victory in the General Elections? He was definitely assured of the female vote but could he get everyone else to vote for him and the lotus? Could he save them…..?

LADYKILLER.