The Legend Returns

For the past 4 months, I’ve been like a Tiger. Peering silently through the high grass, observing the wildlife as the different species have been going about their daily lives without a care in the world. The zebras have been running around, the gazelles have been sipping gently at the water pools. The hippos and the rhinos have been grazing. The giraffes have been plucking the leaves out of the tall trees .The vultures continue to scavenge. The whales munch on the plankton in the ocean. Dolphins play gently squeaking like chew toys and everyone else just carrying on unaware of what has been unleashed.

Shankar Sharma is back.

The bad brown bear of the stock markets long done serving his one year ban from SEBI has resurfaced .The cheeky fellow has started to make TV appearances putting on a new face, one of a reformed, changed man. Now the others might believe that Sharma is indeed a different guy, one who has changed for the better after his ban but I know Sharma better than anyone else and you can't teach an old bear new tricks.

Sharma can keep preaching till the cows come home and smile his dental package all he wants for the cameras, yapping his gums about the Indian Economy but I will never buy it.

Sharma and I are enemies, that’s a well known fact. Sharma thinks he is not only my enemy but also my arch nemesis. The anti thesis to everything I am. The anti matter to my matter. The negative to my positive. The Good Day Chocolate Chip Cookie to my Parle Hide and Seek. Heck, the Stardust to my Filmfare. What Sharma fails to understand is that while I consider him to be an enemy, I don't consider him to be my arch nemesis simply because the only one capable of beating ME is ME alone.

So Sharma can delude himself that he is my arch nemesis but in reality he can only muster enough to be an arch, like this one:

Hehehe!

For the sake of drama and fun I’ll even say Sharma is like the Joker and I am Batman not because Shankar is as evil as the Joker but because he is a clown and a joker.

Now that Sharma and his sidekick wife Devina Mehra aka Crazy Kung Fu Hair Lady (A Woman Whose Hair Makes That Thing On Sonu Nigam's Head Look Like The Taj Mahal )

are back to their devious ways it is but natural that my recent sabbatical too come to an end. For the past few months I’ve been taking a break, spending time with my family, My Mom, Wife, The J twins Aryaman and Aryavir and My little princess Nishtha!

I’ve been celebrating my darling wife Rekha's and My 25^th Wedding Anniversary.

Doing other things like watching my diabetes, expanding my philanthropic nature by doing kickass Nobel prize winning charity and spending time at my ultra mega super duper fantastic excellently excellent pinnacle of luxury posh Lonavala resdidence.

But now that Sharma is back, it is time for the guardian of Dalal Street and overall greatest person ever in the history of history, THE SEXY BEAST, THE GINORMOUS BULL, THE CRUSHER OF FOES, THE FOLDER OF TOES, THE RHYMER OF FOES WITH TOES, THE UNDISPUTED SEXIEST PERSON OF ALL TIME, THE GREATEST OF THE GREATS, THE KING OF KINGS, EMPEROR, RULER AND OVERALL F*CKIN GOD OF AWESOMENESS (I’M TALKING ABOUT ME) to also make his return from sabbatical.

THE LEGEND RETURNS

 

 

Party Like A Rockstar !

As you know by now, I’ve been partying (!!!!!!!) in Mauritius . That’s right! Seeing that as I’m a strict believer in the universal doctrines of ALCOHOL MANAGEMENT, I’ve been a prime example of what it means to be an exemplary party thrower /party goer.

As a result I’ve been filling myself up with all kinds of liquor --- BEER! My favorite single malt scotches , brandy , other types of whisky, gin, rum, vodka , wine, etc,etc. My wild partying ways have also enabled me as always to consume huge quantities of our own desi country because my country is great and I love my country.

Combined with an infinite amount of daru and even more infinite number of Patiala Pegs my Mauritius adventure has been truly legendary!

I mean so legendary that when I arrived on the island, the very Prime Minister Of Mauritius, Navinchandra Ramgoolam personally escorted me all the way to the insanely 100+ star hotel that I had rented out for all my close friends and family. My closest buddies from across the planet all assembled in one place to celebrate an event so Path Breaking, Inter Costal, Humongous, Gigantic, Enormous, Gigantic + Enormous = Ginormous, Universe Splitting, Super Duper Galactic, Transgressing Space And Time Itself – A Once In An Epoch Occurrence – My 50^th Birthday!

This cosmic occurrence of wonderful awesomeness to celebrate the 50^th birth anniversary of my great self as a humble vessel ever devoted to the service of the world by way of facilitating exchange of currency via mutually traded securities upon stock exchanges of the world deserved a luxurious ravish affair and by God! The Gods themselves looked down upon the island of Mauritius as I threw the greatest party the world has ever seen.

Because when Rakesh Jhunjhunwala throws a party, it isn’t just a random gathering of human beings eating, drinking and being merry. It’s like nothing you’ve ever seen before or will ever see again. A Rakesh Jhunjhunwala party is a glorious invigoration drilled into the very fabric of human consciousness and history, left to mortal beings and their descendants as a testament to gather from the pages of history to that which truly is a celebration of life.

And such is the celebration I bestowed upon Mauritius that local Mauritians now want me to become their President and Leader.

After witnessing the rivers of champagne and barrages of the choicest of human food ever produced in my birthday party, local Mauritian elders started to beg me to take their daughters unto myself and make them my wives but I declined due to my unwavering loyalty to my sweet wife Rekha who has worked hard to make my party a success.

Now, throughout my life I’ve had various birthday parties at various stages of my life – like when I was a small baby:

Or when I was a rebellious younger teenage punk rocker:

This party however pwned them all. Even Heavy Metal band Metallica volunteered to cancel their music tour to play at my birthday after they heard my great self was throwing a bash. But being a kind hearted soul, I did not want to rob other Metallica fans of hearing them; so I told Metallica that they could play just for me after their tour. Metallica were pretty disappointed but after I consoled them, they felt better and promised to dedicate their next album to me.

Since Metallica were busy I decided to have the second most Heavy Metal bunch of ass kicking rockers on this planet to play for me. Hence I flew in Roop Kumar and Sonali Rathod.

That’s right! After Metallica Roop Kumar and Sonali Rathod are the most electrifying, ass kicking bunch of head banging hardcore rockers there are ……RIGHT.

Even Rahat Fateh Ali Khan was there. But Rahat is not fit and sexy like me. In fact he is fat. I prefer to call him Rahat FATTY Ali Khan.

All parties have clowns and mine too had a very special clown. For his hilarious antics I flew down Ajit Agarkar because Ajit Agarkar is the best clown there is. Just the sight of his face made Little Nishtha howl uproariously with laughter!!!

Apart from the drinks, singers, dancers, the great food, the entertainment, the mirth, the laughter, the merriment and the chaos, this party to celebrate my 50^th birthday was by far my most Special Birthday simply because my greatest wealth was with me – My Dear Family & Friends. My Mom, Rekha, Little Nishtha and The J Twins Aryaman and Aryavir all made this celebration a truly great event.

CHEERS TO 50 YEARS OF KICKING A$$ AND MAKING CA$H!!

BASIC MATH : Why I Don't Mind Meeting So Many People

WHOA! DUDES…. HEAD RUSH!

For the lack of a better term, I’ll say ‘HAPPY NEW YEAR’ but it’s been more than a week. People have forgotten and India’s Stock Markets now open at 9 am so we’ll just pretend like nothing happened.

I’m such a busy man .Really, you people are lucky in some ways not to be as busy as me. I’m always being met by someone or the other. Traders, Brokers, Sub Brokers, Small Investors, Company Heads, Movie Stars, Cricketers, Mutual Fundies, SEBI Officials, Finance Ministry Dudes And Dudettes, Media Monkeys, Fashion Mag Editors, Representatives Of The Madame Tussauds Wax Museum.

Members from PETA, NASA, ISRO and Ramesh Iyengar’s Bakery.Charity organizations, track managers from the Mahalakshmi Race Course, The Prime Minister’s Office,Obama,Rakhi Sawant, My Own Staff At Rare Enterprises , Extended Relatives From The Enormous Marwari Jhunjhunwala Clan ,Carpenter , Plumber , Electrician And Even Hargobind Raj Engel Williams Tennyson Johns Bhatavdekar Dingelberry Sheikh Nailcutter.

You probably don’t know who Hargobind Raj Engel Williams Tennyson Johns Bhatavdekar Dingelberry Sheikh Nailcutter is but the point is even he comes to meet me.

Amidst all these people there are my adoring readers of my Secret Journal, many of whom personally thanked me for enlightening them on the many aspects of THE LADYKILLER Nitin Gadkari. So moved were they too at this literary masterpiece that they praised me in over 20 languages in the comment thread of LADYKILLER.

My twitter audience who wait everyday with bated breath for me to say ‘I HAVE ARRIVED©™’.

My own family, My Sweet Wife Rekha, My Awesome Mom, Little Princess Nishtha and The J Twins Aryaman and Aryavir who are now more than six months old, whose presence I thoroughly enjoy (but I will not be around when it’s time to change their diapers…Heh! Heh!).

But at the end of the day I am a BILLIONAIRE and then some. A billionaire a billion times over. THE WORLD’S 1062^ND RICHEST MAN.....RIGHT

If I am to assume the world’s population to be SIX billion human beings. Given that the birth rate and the death rate are at one point even with these two rates averaging out over a long period of time and consistently cancelling each other out.

Then referring to the latest updated population census in every human establishment presided over by some form of government, democratic , military , kingship ,communists, Shibu Soren or otherwise with each government forced to undertake a head count in order to ensure a thorough estimate of resources to distribute or stock in bank accounts in the Presidency of Switzerland.

We are to therefore arrive at a nice, neat round figure of 6 billion human beings.

In numerals = 6,000,000,000

As I now subtract the number 1061 from 6 billion I arrive at this number:

Five Billion Nine Hundred And Ninety Nine Million Nine Hundred And Ninety Eight Thousand Nine Hundred And Thirty Nine.

Expressed hence in numerical form as:

5,999,998,939

So that’s the total number of people I’m richer than.

When I use my chartered accountancy skills and use the above two sets of numbers; In order to find as a percentage the exact quantity of humanity that I’m richer than, I arrive at this figure:

99.99998231666666666…

So that’s the total number of people I’m richer than.

This means I am in essence richer than over 99.99% of the World’s Population. I deserve a Dr.Manmohan Singh thumbs up.

So I guess in the end it’s pretty cool and I really don’t mind meeting so many people. JAI GANESHA!