IPL 2012 - You Can't Expect Anything Else

 

As I stare out into the vast Arabian Sea from my 15th floor Nariman point Headquarters, the sea wind recycled through the air conditioner humming gently into my ears, a cigar between my lips and a glass of the finest scotch ever made cusped in my hand, I wonder about the events of the past two months.

A year ago I was outside the Wankhede Stadium on the 2nd of April when the Cricket World Cup came home, partying like crazy, jubilant over a World Cup victory which had arrived after 28 years.

A little over 365 days and things have changed deteriorated.

It’s not the losses to England and Australia that bother me. It is not the impending fact that God is reaching the end of his career line.It’s not the fact that The Wall is now retired.

It’s this.

This cancerous life sucking lump which has grown into the sport that I love. Of course when you have an IPL tournament run by Charlie Chaplin YOU CAN’T EXPECT ANYTHING ELSE.

" I have Face Coloration Disease.This means while the rest of my self is black and white my face is always colored"~ Rajiv Shukla Charlie Chaplin

Chaplin spends more time being the Minister Of State For BCCI Affairs and less time being the Minister Of State for Parliamentary Affairs but then you already knew that. You really cant expect anything else when his boss is the Hon- Her- Able Sharad Pawar, Union Minister Of Food And Agriculture. In a country where a farmer kills himself every 12 hours, the boss' priorities are so screwed up YOU CAN’T EXPECT ANYTHING ELSE from his subordinates.

And then you have this guy. Mr. Conflict of interest. Owns an IPL team and is BCCI President. Of course if the rules are against this hum iss desh mein rule hi badal dete hain. YOU CAN’T EXPECT ANYTHING ELSE.

Chalo theek hai,we hoped maybe they'd at least do a good job holding a great tournament.

Err....

When you have the opening ceremony on a Filmfare Awards stage you know where this is heading. YOU CAN’T EXPECT ANYTHING ELSE.

You have these two yakking away in the exxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxtraaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa(aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa) innings studio.

 

 Congrats to the channel,they have made the analysis of the match longer than the match itself. YOU CAN’T EXPECT ANYTHING ELSE.

You get down to the match and the same tamasha restarts.Karbonn Kamal My Ass This,DLF Maximum Super Ch*Tiya That,Volkswagen DK Bose Something ,Strategic Timeout, Etc. Get bored with this crap and they unleash Abhishek Bachchan in the afterlife on you while Vodafone is busy playing games with human beings ....literally. When the priority is to make money YOU CAN’T EXPECT ANYTHING ELSE.

More than the on-field, the off field gets attention. Pomersbach is acting like Shakti Kapoor. Siddarth Mallya is busy defending him the way Ram Jethmalani defends ....errr....just about anyone.Case Open ---> Money Spent----> Case Closed---> YOU CAN'T EXPECT ANYTHING ELSE

Rahul can't turn the ball on the field but is busy turning bottles at rave parties along with Wayne. When the glamour becomes more important than the game YOU CAN’T EXPECT ANYTHING ELSE.

Then there's this guy. Wankhede ka baap. 

 

On Sunday he won the IPL. Not  KKR. Not the Knightriders Squad,Physios, Coaches, Managers or even the city of Kolkata which is supposed to own the team. They can't win because it’s not their team. It’s his team so congratulations to him on winning the IPL trophy. The cameras lead me to believe that SRK played better in IPL 5 than KKR Captain Gautam Gambhir. Afterall the cameras can't find anyone apart from SRK to focus on after the match because his innings in the IPL final was just so very crucial.

This is Roman Abramovich. Owner of Chelsea Football Club.

 

A few days back Chelsea won the UEFA Champions League. A tournament a hundred times bigger than the IPL. Roman made sure the cameras focused on the ones who won the title -  the players. Not himself.

 

To top it all guys were spot fixing. Enough said .When you auction players like paintings YOU CAN’T EXPECT ANYTHING ELSE.

 

You'd expect the BCCI to sort things out but you seriously can't expect anything else. They can arrange for live streaming of IPL on the internet but they can't find a website to put their own accounts on. YOU CAN’T EXPECT ANYTHING ELSE.

Say anything against them and aapka haal Kirti Azad se bhi bura ho jayega.

 

Well, don’t worry folks. They'll be back next year,same time,same place .YOU CAN’T EXPECT ANYTHING ELSE. 

ONE QUESTION - IN THE MIDDLE OF ALL THIS WHERE EXACTLY WAS THE CRICKET?