Telebrands which filed the case earlier today in the Ghaziabad District Civil Court has accused Telemall on multiple charges of Copyright Infringement, Trademark Violation, Plagiarism, Wrongful Licensing and Concept Violation in selling the Nazar Kawach. The Kawach is sold by Telemall through its wholly owned subsidiary Shraddha Sky Shop™.
The Nazar Kawach which was voted as ‘Product of the Year’ at the recently concluded World Homeshopping Expo in Las Vegas has been a source of controversy ever since it was introduced first by Telebrands in September last year and by Telemall barely a week later.
Both companies have since claimed that they invented the Kawach which is used primarily as an evil-eye repellant or as the product name suggests, protects the wearer from ‘Boori Nazar’.
In the case filing, Telebrands have indicated that Telemall have copied the Telebrands 'Nazar RAKSHA Kawach' and are selling an identical product as 'Nazar SURAKSHA Kawach'
Speaking for Telebrands, its Chief Legal Officer Mr.Mukund Rajvanshi said "It's ridiculous that Telemall have copied our Nazar Raksha Kawach and are selling it so shamelessly. We invented the Raksha Kawach because of which many people have benefitted. Take the case of Rohit from Haryana, he earlier had no hands, no job, no money, no wife and looked like a disfigured constipated Pig but after he used Telebrands Nazar Raksha Kawach his life changed! Now he looks like Brad Pitt, has a steady job and lots of cash. Oh! Nazar Raksha Kawach also helped him grow his hands back. Now whenever he feels like scratching he can do it easily because he has hands."
Responding to the allegations, Telemall CEO Ms.Mayawati Swaraj said “ALL ALLEGATIONS ARE BASELESS AND POLITICALLY MOTIVATED. It’s ridiculous that Telebrands are suing us. We should be the ones suing them because the Nazar Kawach is our idea! We filed the patent for it first but because they have more resources they developed it first. In any case our Nazar Kawach is definitely better than theirs because our Kawach uses GOOD VIBRATION SYSTEM which is more effective than their MAGNETIC PROTECTION POWER”
"Our Kawach which is called Nazar Suraksha Kawach provides SURAKSHA but their Nazar Raksha Kawach provides only RAKSHA. Now you tell me which is better Raksha or Suraksha? They are just scared of customers buying our product over theirs because ours is better"
The media may have termed this as 'The Battle of the Kawachs' but another battle may be brewing on political lines. While the Congress Party has been a longtime supporter of Telebrands, the BJP has been an equally staunch supporter of Telemall. As one political commentator described it "This could well turn out to be a pitched battle leading to votebank politics as it will be projected as a battle between a Secular Kawach and a Communal Kawach"
The following is a transcript of a conversation from the BJP’s problem solving session known in Hindi as the ‘Chintan Baithak’ being held currently at Shimla. As a fair and objective, rational, handsome, strong, eloquent human being, I was invited to be an observer.
And considering God Ganesha’s given ability to solve problems, it really looks like I’m the only one who can solve the BJP’s problems and guess what, that’s exactly what I did today.
Rajnath Singh : Hello everybody, welcome to the BJP Chintan Baithak. Please welcome Special Observer Shri. Rakesh Jhunjhunwala. Jaswant Singh is no longer a part of the party but he will be here via video conference to explain his position. Now let the blames begin.
Arun Jaitley: Rajnath, all I heard was BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! And more BLAH! Conservative dog shit baldy .I should be leader, Advaniji say something.
LK Advani: Screw you guys, I don’t even want to be here. I want to go home, eat pizza, drink coke and watch TV.
Jaitley: Then why don’t you just quit and make me leader.
Advani: I do want to quit you bastards, I’m bloody 81 years old and I quit the day we lost the election but the moment I said that, you bastards started to fight among yourselves all wanting to be leader. If I’d have let that happen, the party would have broken up into a million pieces and Sonia Gandhi would have started dancing.
Murli Manohar Joshi: Whatever man, I should be leader. At the age of 75 I’ve never felt younger.
M.A.Naqvi: No I should be leader not Jaitley or Joshi.
Yashwant Sinha : Shut the fu*k up Naqvi, nobody cares about you, you’re only the symbolic Muslim face of the party because we want the world to know that we’re secular even though we’re secretly controlled by a right wing Hindu organization. The only one who should be leader is me.
Sushma Swaraj: Oh hell no. Kiss my fat ass you piece of shit. You keep leaking letters to the media. Do you know what the party workers are calling you huh? They’re calling you “LETTER LEAKER”.I repeat“LETTER LEAKER”. That’s even worse than being called a “DOLL PRESSER”.
HUTCHINSON.D.PUG: *****I AM NOT A BLOODY DOLL PRESSER*****
Advani: See you’re fighting again.
Venkaiah Naidu: Eh people,what are we going to do about Jaswant Singh?
Rajnath: Okay, activate the video conference and bring Jaswant Singh online.
Jaswant: How are you? All you back stabbing sons of bitches?
Sushma: Oh come on man; don’t tell me you’re still pissed about being expelled from the BJP.
Jaswant: Of course I am, after 30 years I was sacked that too for writing a book .Worse I was sacked over phone.
Rajnath: Stop looking at me you fellows, we’re in a recession. I was trying to save money that’s why I sacked him over the phone.
Jaswant: You humiliated me, baldy!
Naidu: Relax Jaswant, it’s not personal. We thought it would be better if we sacked you over the phone, you’ll be getting your complimentary ‘I was with the BJP for thirty years’ T-shirt and Grain Sack as a symbol for your sacking in the mail, just relax.
Advani: You know Jaswant; ever since we’ve been out of power we’ve run out of money. We need to be in power to make money by taking bribes. All the money we had was blown up during the election campaign. That’s why Rajnath gave you the sack over the phone.
Jaswant: He was extremely impolite okay, he called up and said “Hey Jaswant, You’re Fired, Now Fu*K Off”, he didn’t even give me a reason.
Rajnath: What!! Isn’t it obvious, you wrote that stupid book on Jinnah you fat freak?
Jaswant: Wait ,who was that who told the party workers to break the Babri Masjid, Oh yeah! that was you Joshi.
Pravin Togadia: RIOTeverybody RIOT. Let’s blame the Muslims for the BJP’s infighting and blow up petrol pumps, buses and destroy glass windows, shatter and break faces.
RIOT EVERYBODY, FULL ON VHP STYLE AND LET’S CALL PRAMOD MUTHALIK TO JOIN IN!
Varun Gandhi: I’ve been waiting for this for a long time. I’ve been waiting to unveil my brand new ‘Muslim Hand Cutter’ from Telebrands, now only Rs.567/-. Handling and delivery charges extra.
Jaswant : Way to go guys!, so its okay for Varun to use his ‘Muslim Hand Cutter’ and stay in the party but when I say something about Muslims being marginalized In my book, I get expelled . Fantastic. We truly are the party with the difference.
Advani: I know this entire thing is whose fault.
Yashwant: Who?
Advani :That bastard Karan Thapar,He’s the one who nitpicked Jaswant’s brain on TV till Jaswant said those stupid things about his book.Togadia,Singhal go catch that Thapar fellow and burn his fu*kin house down. Then bring him here. I want to torture that rat.
Togadia:HELL YEAH MAN, I’M GONNA GO ONE HUNDRED PERCENT GODHRA ON HIS ASS.
RIOT.
Rajnath: Okay Jaswant, I’ll give you one last chance, withdraw your Jinnah book and you get back to being in the BJP.
Jaswant: Absolutely not, I’ve been working on that book for five years and I got a huge contract to publish that book. There is no way I’m withdrawing that book.
Rajnath: Fine then, you remain fired.
Jaswant: Fine
Rajnath: Fine
Joshi: Fine, Now am I leader or what?
Jailtley: I’m leader...
Sushma: No, I’m leader.
Naidu: No, I’m leader.
Yashwant: Eh Naidu, I’m leader.
Naidu: Bastard, I’ll kill you. Where’s the mic, I’ll bash your head in with this.
Yashwant: BRING IT ON BITCH.
Togadia:RIOT, SINGHAL GET THE PETROL.
SINGHAL: What’s happening, eh who are you?
THUNDER SOUNDS, LIGHTNING CRACKLES.
Rocky J stands up.
Me: Now only I will speak. All of you are being held by the crack elite team of TOPS Security Group. A company I hold a huge stake in.
Now sit your asses down and listen to me.Naidu, put the mic down.
Naidu: Fine.
Me: What the hell is wrong with you guys? Have you forgotten who you are? You are the Bharatiya Janata Party.
Where is the party that used to block Indian roads and cause traffic jams for hours with Rath Yatras huh?
Where is the party that told the US to buzz off and exploded all those nuclear bombs in Pokhran?
Where is the party that fulfilled Pervez Musharraf’s lifelong ambition of seeing the Taj Mahal?
Where is the party that authorized the Army to kick Pakistan’s ass in the Kargil war?
Where is the party that waved bundles of cash on the floor of the Parliament during the trust vote?
Where is the party that used to make Mulayam Singh and Mayawati’s life a living hell?
Advani: Hmmmm, but tell me Jhunjhunwala why are you helping us. I thought you liked the Congress.
Me: Contrary to what you think the only thing I like is DEMOCRACY. If you guys self destruct the whole principle of an opposition party has no meaning. If the BJP breaks down then the main opposition party will be led by the Communists and I’ll be damned if I let that happen.
Jaitley: So what should we do?
Jaswant: And what about my book?
Me: Oh man! Will you just shut the hell up! **** Jaswant Singh, no one is going to even read your bloody book. It’s more than a thousand pages long and Jinnah’s story will never be made into a six part movie franchise like the Harry Potter series.
Firstly, all of you should stop talking about Jinnah, what is it with you guys and Jinnah? Then Advani now Jaswant, Can’t you all just shut up.
Nobody cares about your Jinnah theories and your Ram Temple Issues. Build roads, give people electricity, water and education and they’ll actually vote for you.
Not over these stupid things, you guys look like a bunch of jokers.
Rajnath: Sob, sob you’ve opened my eyes Jhunjhunwalaji, thank you.
I’m sorry all of you, I love you guys, except Jaitley.
Naidu, Yashwant, and Sushma in chorus: We’re sorry too, we love you.
Jaitley: Stop it, you’ll make me cry.
Joshi: But Rakeshji, how do we get out of this current mess with Jaswant. How do we bring him back into the party after having expelled him?
Me: Arre simple yaar! Use your imagination, what do you do whenever something bad happens in India.
Jaswant: We blame the Congress.
Me: Exactly!!
Rajnath: You mean….
Me:
·Of course, say this whole Jinnah thing is caused by the Congress.
Say that Footage of Jaswant’s interview to Karan Thapar was tampered with.
Say Jaswant has been misquoted by the media which is under Congress influence.
Say the Congress is responsible for infighting within the BJP.Say they are bribing party leaders and workers.
Say the details in Jaswant’s book are wrong, that Jaswant’s real book is lost and that this book is written and published under Jaswant’s name by the Congress party and you want a CBI enquiry into the whole thing.
The possibilities are endless……
Advani: Wow you truly are a genius. Now I know why the markets move to every whim and fancy of yours.
As the official brand ambassador of Telebrands, yours truly is often required to test their newest products.
Their latest product is called the Telebrands SUBTEXTER™ and I’ve been trying it out on all these guys.
Prime Minister, Dr Manmohan Singh: “We have the capacity and ability to sustain the growth rate of about eight per cent and will do so.”
Subtext: It’s amazing how I have a degree in Economics from Cambridge University but can still continue to say that we can grow at 8% despite the worst economic crisis in a century. I only have to keep saying this till the ELECTION, after that it’s someone else’s problem.
LK Advani: “The government's flawed policies led to high inflation.”
Subtext: Let me see now. I blamed the UPA government for:
1.The Nuclear Deal.
2.The terrorist attacks (both in India and planet Neptune).
3.Cash for votes scam.
4.Kandhamal violence.
5.Every single flyover collapse this past decade.
6.Crash of the Sensex in 2008.
7.Somali pirates.
8.Barack Obama becoming US president.
9.Habibul Bashar and the Bangladesh team joining the ICL.
10.Congo Pirates.
11.Lalu Yadav using hair gel on my birthday.
12.Katrina Kaif still using a dubbing artist to speak Hindi in her films.
13.Banning the film ‘Deshdrohi’.
14. etc.
I‘ve got to find newer things to blame the government or else I’ll never be PM.
CB Bhave, Chairman SEBI: "There is no evidence so far that any Bear cartel is operating or there is any kind of manipulation in the markets."
Montek Singh Ahluwalia: "Let me assure you that inflation is coming down and in recessionary circumstances, industry will automatically soften prices."
Subtext: That’s the 9 millionth time I’ve said something stupid but I know I’ll get away with it. I can always say I was quoted out of context if someone brings this up.
CPM General Secretary Prakash Karat: "They will pay for their misdeeds and people will vote them out of power. What we need to see is that no communal party sits in the chair. We are confident of a good performance"
Subtext: Okay listen, how come none of the news channels are talking about me ever since the Nuclear Deal-Confidence Vote fiasco ended? I feel so used.
Karan Johar :"It's fun and new. We've made sure not to offend any group or community. I'd never make a film that would offend anybody. Dostana has a great look and it's a clean happy watch"
Subtext: I’ve just taken my secret gay existence to a whole new level. I made a film where one of the heroes is married to Aishwarya Rai and the other is engaged to Bipasha Basu.That’s two guys involved with the two hottest chicks in the country and I still show them as gay people in my film. How many more clues do people actually need to realize I too am gay? Should I start wearing a sari now?
Praveen Togadia: “I do not know Pragya Singh at all. But I know she is not a terrorist.”
2 days ago, I was about to go home after a long day’s work in my Dalal Street office. I was busy checking my trade books and when I had finished was about to lock up and go home. That’s when it happened, the roof of my office crumbled and I was covered in cement. After shaking the dust away, I realized what had happened. International Superhero Batman was standing before me:
“ Batman: Hello sir, I am Batman.
Me: Screw you man, I know who you are. There’s only one imbecile on this planet that dresses like you and that’s YOU.
Batman: May I ask why you are so angry?
Me: You Bloody @@##~~, Why the hell did you come through the roof? Couldn’t you have just knocked on the door like normal people? How am I supposed to fix the roof at this time?
Batman: I’m sorry. I like to make dramatic entrances. I came here because I need your help. I have a big problem.
Me: Of course you have a problem! You always have problems.
Batman: But why do you say that?
Me: Because you’re a complete bloody loser.You’re only famous because of your films. I still can’t believe that your movie ‘The Dark Knight’ made over 500 million dollars. You don’t even have any real superpowers. You’re a fake superhero.
You can’t fly like Superman; you can’t shoot webs like Spiderman. All your bloody weapons are cheap imports from China and Russia.
I bet our own Shaktimaan could kick your ass. At least he has real superpowers unlike you. Also, he made money by endorsing Parle-G.
You on the other hand have been running after the same villain for the past 50 years. A villain who’s actually no more than a clown. It’s a good thing you don’t work here. If you can’t catch one Joker there, there’s no way you’d catch the thousands of Jokers here. Our country is filled with Jokers.
Batman: Come on, at least I have a good costume.
Me: Shut up loser, that costume is also a fraud just like you. I know you ordered it from Telebrands. You fool people by faking 6 pack abs on your costume. Underneath it lies your true jiggly, obese form.
You shouldn’t even be called Batman for that. You should be called FAT–MAN.
Batman: I’ll let you know, it’s made of high quality rubber. Even Spiderman and Superman use the same material.
Me: No they don’t. Spiderman’s costume is made out of Polyester while Superman wears Acrylic Nylon. It’s because you lie like this that you have so many problems.
Anyway, why are you here?
Batman: Ummm okay look, you must have heard of this whole Tata Nano Singur problem. Can you please make sure that the Tata Nano project doesn’t leave Singur?
Me: Why?
Batman: The thing is that because of the high cost of Petrol, I had negotiated a deal with Tata Motors to build a mini-Nano version of my car: The Bat Mobile, at Singur. Now Tata Motors won’t start building my car until they start a healthy production of the Nano. They had promised me that my car will be ready by November at least but if the Nano project moves somewhere else I’ll be forced to wait much longer. The cost of petrol is seriously going to drive me bankrupt in spite of me being a millionaire.
Me: Ah so even Batman outsources his work to India.
Batman: Completely, I believe in the ‘India Story’ just like you.
Me: I’m sorry, I can’t help you. There’s nothing I can do about it.
Batman: Why!!!!???
Me: That’s because this entire problem is set in the land of the communists. I hate those guys. Ever since I helped Manmohan Singh retain his Prime Ministership, they’ve been looking to hurt me.Moreover, this problem was caused by the most dangerous weapon in Bengali politics. A billion decibel Weapon of Mass Destruction called Mamata Banerjee.
Batman: Yes I know. I’d have solved this problem myself but that lady scares the crap out of me. Please, you’ve got to help me.
Me: Hmmm...Okay .I won’t get involved but I’ll tell you who can help you.
Batman: Please, please!
Me: This is a feminist family problem; it needs a feminist family solution.
Batman: How is this a feminist family problem??????
Me: Shut up and listen loser.
This problem is being created by Mamata aka DIDI. You need to go and fall at the feet of her equally destructive sisters. Mayawati aka BEHENJI and Jayalalithaa aka AMMA.
If Amma and Behenji decide to help you, Didi has no chance. Those two combined can destroy half the Solar System by just talking on the mic.
Batman: You’re right; I’ll go to Tamil Nadu and then Uttar Pradesh right now.
Me: Aren’t you forgetting something?
Batman: What?
Me: My roof, shitbag!!!
Batman: Sorry, sorry.I’ll start the repair right now.
Me: Good and don’t disturb me for the next 2 days. I’m going to meet the next big thing in Indian politics.
