The BSE was closed today, so I had nothing to do all day. CB Bhave personally called me and told me that because the terrorists had taken over the Taj Hotel and the Oberoi Hotel and left the city in a state of chaos there would be no trading on the stock market.
I always enjoy an unexpected holiday but I do not enjoy being told that I can’t show off my genius on a daily basis. In any case I was pissed with the terrorists and since I was stuck at HOME all day I decided to call up the HOME Minister to demand an explanation.
All I got was this voice operated message in Shivraj Patil’s voice on Shivraj Patil’s answering machine:
"Yo dudes! You’ve reached Shivraj Patil’s residence. Sorry I’m not available at the moment because I’m in Mumbai which as you all know is dealing with terrorists. Don’t you ever wonder how come I always reach a place after it’s been attacked by terrorists?
I’m sorry for the inconvenience; I will try and get back to you after I get back from Mumbai.
For any further help feel free to browse through my voice operated interactive automated user menu developed by BSNL.
To hear Shivraj Patil “CONDEMN” and “STRONGLY CONDEMN” this attack press #1. Please note this message may sound similar to previous messages delivered after terrorist attacks in Ahmedabad, Jaipur, Lucknow, Delhi, Bangalore, Hyderabad, etc. Any such similarity is purely co-incidental.
To hear the Prime Minister’s explanation in Parliament where he will promise the strictest of action with sentences like “We promise to catch the perpetrators of this heinous crime” & “We will do all it takes to stop terror” press #2.
To hear Opposition Party Chiefs criticize the UPA government and blame them for inaction press #3.
To hear a detailed explanation on why our Indian Policemen continue to use outdated rusted rifles while terrorists use hand grenades and AK-47’s press #4.Please note you will also hear a message from the Finance Minister saying that because of the Global Credit Crisis the Indian government is unable to procure the latest weaponry. This is our excuse for 2008.
To hear previous excuses on why we continue to use outdated weapons press #5 and to hear our future excuses press #6.
To know how you can watch an advanced screening of NDTV’s ‘We The People’ where Barkha Dutt will make a big deal (as usual) about this attack with special guests Alyque Padamsee And Prahlad Kakkar press #7.
To hear the Pakistani government say that their ISI intelligence agency had nothing to do with this press #8.
To hear the Central and State Government’s compensation packages for everyone who has died or is injured press #9.
To hear Kevin Peterson blaming the terrorists for carrying out these attacks after his team was thrashed 5-0 by the Indian Cricket Team instead of before thereby robbing them of an opportunity to abandon their tour earlier press #10.
To buy the latest copy of Shivraj Patil’s newest book ‘How to allow 19,000 terrorist attacks and still be Home Minister’; press #11.
To replay this entire menu in Hindi press #12."
19 COMMENT:
this was a good one! Although it has been written with some humor here it actually is what is going on!
Dear Rakesh,
This should be the Cover Page of TOI tomorrow.
I will forward this to all the news papers known to me.
Thanks and Regards,
Ca. Ritul Patwa
SirG,
I have few questions for Mr. Patil and his friends.
Where are our NationKeepers?
Where is the National Think Tank?
Is the International prosperity dividing us regionally?
Have we left everything to public discourses?
Have we surrendered our wills to the Politicians?
Are we gong to be governed by fragmented Parliament? Regional short term Agenda?
Has the time come to have a All Party National Government?
Why don’t the Intellectuals train the minds of petty Politicians?
What has Failed?
What will Work?
Vinod Agarwal - says ask yourself, What can you give away (sacrifice) to put an end to terrorism in India?
Competitive Sensationalism practised by media in India should in such a moment take a pause. This is the time for practising Competitive Nationalism. Silence, to be exercised by media in such a moment, is definitely gold if their ongoing speech is silver.
Unabashed display of our helplessness on one hand is a matter of national disgrace, on the other even my eight year old daughter can figure out that such information explosion is esclating the national threat and perhaps is able to assist the terrorists in some ways.
In the name of Freedom of Speech for how long we Indians will continue to be such?
DPM,
Rakeshji, I would like to say that Indians are to be blamed for this attack. I am an Indian. But unfortunately, I think Indian people till now do not know what is a nation. They are still supporting communists,people who are dividing Indians based on caste,language etc. We are more divided than united. Unfortunately, I am feeling very ashamed by this attack.
Indians think that they will be united for only nation and will remain divided on other issues. This is an impossible dream. If this continues,there are enough powers in the world to change the geographical shape of india. Our status is worse than Israel( it has only enemies in all direction outside THE BORDER).
Heh...I love the line from Arindam Chauduri at the end.
Seriously though, it's time to ask our govt and Home Minister some really tough questions.
Arvind,
No humor,listening to the Home Minister my ear is full of Tumors.
Dear Ca.Ritul,
Thank you,I should be Editor of all newspapers in India.
Sushil,
You must really love India TV!
DPM,
"yeh andar ki baat hai"
Daniel,
Don't ask the Home Minister questions.Just tell him to sit at HOME.
Vinod,
I will take the liberty of answering your questions.
Where are our NationKeepers?
Our Keepers are in parliament,but many times they keep LEAVING instead of KEEPING especially for foreign trips.
Where is the National Think Tank?
The think tank is thinking,not doing.
Is the International prosperity dividing us regionally?
Yes because the Parliament keeps telling the regional that International is 'bad'.
Have we left everything to public discourses?
Yes and for TV.
Have we surrendered our wills to the Politicians?
We don't have to because they take it from us and everything written in our wills.
Are we going to be governed by fragmented Parliament? Regional short term Agenda?
How can we be governed by a Parliament that meets for less than 200 days a year?
Has the time come to have a All Party National Government?
It is already an all partY government because ALL parties are in the government openly or secretly as seen during the trust vote.
Why don’t the Intellectuals train the minds of petty Politicians?
Because they don't get paid for it.
What has Failed?
Everything except PAPPU,Pappu pass ho Gaya but he still can't dance.
What will Work?
Virender Sehwag and Yuvraj Singh against England Bowling Attack.
Rakesh - asked himself because Vinod asked him to but got no answer from within because even inside is confused!
SirG,
What have you done?
You have answered all the questions so very skillfully and with genuity..
ch ch ch that Mr.Patil had to resign?
You have failed him in his TEST.
Tumhi YANNA pahilat ka?
PATIL the President
PATIL the Home Minister
PATIL the DY CM
PATIL the Forged ID of Terrorist.
Vinod Agarwal - Too Much PA - TIL (PI TAL)
What you have written is correct.Although It contains some humor but it's a good approach.People should come out with this thing.........
A simple reform has become necessary in the Electroal Process in India. A choice to vote in favour of None of the Candidates available should be provided.
If the largest numbers of votes get cast on this choice in any constituency, re-elections in that constituency be made mandatory declaring all other candidates have lost their "jamanat" and be not allowed to contest in the ensuing repolling again. Until a repoll has been conducted that particular seat in the house / assembly be vacant and the proceedings go on with the available number of elected representatives.
Such a simple change will force Political Parties to select candidates with "sale-able" credentials rather than "sail-able" credentials only. If not in one round, if not in two rounds of electioneering, over a course of time the quality of polity will improve with only acceptable quality of candidates finding political sponsorship.
This perhaps, is the only way of bringing a larger number of Indians to vote and participate in the fulfilment of their rights and obligations as citizens of a democracy.
(I commented similarly at another older topic. Kindly ignore the earlier one)
VINOD,
First Natwar went,now Patil.
Rakesh- wonders if SP or BSP will hire Shivraj after what happened to the Taj.
SANTANU,
Who should come out and with which thing?
Sushil,
I ignored the earlier one but I was unkind about it.
Rakesh Ji, I am sure everybody agrees to your views. But when will somebody rise and take action on all this non-sense happening ? Or Will we just keep commenting on others mistakes and let fellow citizens keep dying ? Vinod.
well i guess were is mr amar singh.... now what he has to say i guess he must come out and praise the terrorist and blame the nsg this time too as he did in delhi when one officer died in what he call is a fake encounter... mr anil ambani and big B your dear friend amar singh is rite na.. what if you would have been a victim in bombay. a fake encounter and a policman dies Woooow mr amar singh its 1st time anyone can say this kind of a thing. were is mr raj T aaj kal must be busy with something imp... i mean more imp than the cause of people dying in bombay. must be on a tour in maharastra villisge for marathi manus.... ooops he near talked about them yaar he is only interested in the rich city of bombay and want no north indian there.. sir Indians died in the attack and not only marathi manu and only indians fauth them and not the north indians... be it congress or bjp all have really led down the indians every time but this time since the rich people were targeted.. and 5 stars were the place i guess media will cover it more...
come on now atleast you wake up. do all kind of corruption but please dont compromise on the security of our country...
Vinod,
Our actions are limite tolighting candles and making films,that's why I'm investing in Candle companies.
Sethi saab,
Mein to kab se utha hoon lekin ab bhi sab so rahein hain.
Rakesh,
I trust you are aware that Shri Shivraj Patil was off handling the Cat-ul-Khan situation at Noida. An event of this magnitude, of errant gun-toting felines, surely deserved our honorable ex-minister's attention over occurrences at the Taj and Trident.
Imagine the crisis if they'd taken several fish hostage.
Regards,
Prabha
Prabha,
My sexiness has attracted yet another female follower.
Cat-ul-Khan is currently being interrogated in a secret location.Do you know where that is?
Rakesh,
Colossal wealth radiates sexiness like nothing else does.
I am guessing Cat-ul-Khan is being interrogated heavily at the Maharashtra Fisheries Department?
Prabha,
You like me for my money!What?
That's the 1st time I've ever heard of that.
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