How Jesse Ryder Helps The Fake Doctor In Handling The Recession

Vijay Mallya is popularly known as Dr.Vijay Mallya. Vijay Mallya is not a real doctor but his contribution towards the field of medicine is immense. Vijay Mallya as many know is the owner of United Breweries whose most recognizable brand is Kingfisher also known as “Ooh La La La La La Lo Eh Oh,Ooh La La La La Ley Oh”.

Vijay Mallya’s contribution to world medicine is so huge that the doctors of the world gave him the title of ‘Doctor’ because if people did not Drink liquor from the UB Group they would not develop all kinds of health problems like liver failure, kidney failure, something else failure,etc.

Vijay Mallya has done more for doctors than health minister Anbumani Ramadoss. This is why the doctors gave Vijay the title of ‘Doctor’ and now people call him Dr.Vijay Mallya.

Half of this country’s doctors have a job in this time of recession because sad people like HDFC Sad Boy are drinking themselves to death by consuming UB Group liquor. As the recession gets worse more people will feel sad and will start consuming UB Group liquor.

They will be given the honorary title of ‘BEWDA’ and all the BEWDAS will have health problems. In time the number of BEWDAS will outnumber the number of doctors thus more doctors will be hired to treat sick BEWDAS.

Vijay Mallya must be thanked by the Indian health establishment because his UB Group has created so many jobs for doctors. Thanks to Vijay, doctors can make money in the recession.

Vijay Mallya is himself dealing with the recession by implementing cost cutting measures.

One popular cost cutting measure is making swimsuit calendars. Like low cost Kingfisher Airlines , Vijay Mallya’s swimsuit calendars are low cost calendars.

The models in Kingfisher’s swimsuit calendars are models-therefore they don’t eat and since they don’t eat they save on food. The models being swimsuit models also wear very less clothing and thus Vijay Mallya saves money on clothing costs as well. Just take a look at this picture of model Tamara Moss in the 2009 kingfisher swimsuit calendar. A perfect example of a girl who saves money by not eating and wearing very little.

Some people are arguing that fake doctor Vijay Mallya is wasting money in the recession by signing Kevin Pietersen for $1.55 million to play for his IPL team ‘Bangalore Royal Challengers’.

What people fail to understand is that Kevin will not only play cricket but also dance in the video featuring the remixed version of the chart topping #1 block buster hit song ‘Royal Challengers Ka Josh Hain’. That way Vijay Mallya makes money by selling the music video to Mtv and Channel V.

Whether Bangalore’s Royal Challengers win or don’t win the IPL, Vijay Mallya will definitely win.

This is because apart from signing Kevin Pietersen he also signed New Zealand batsman Jesse Ryder.

Jesse Ryder for those who don’t know is an alcohol addict. Isn’t it therefore ironic that out of eight teams that are a part of the IPL, the only team that signs Jesse Ryder is the team which is owned by the chairman of United Breweries?

Jesse Ryder is Fake Doctor Vijay Mallya’s answer to the recession.

What Does 'Sad Boy' Mean?

So let me get this straight:

The old Home Minister is sitting at home.

The old Finance Minister is the new Home Minister.

The current Prime Minister is in the same hospital run by doctors who hate the current Health Minister.

The Foreign Minister is the acting Prime Minister AND Foreign Minister AND Finance Minister.

Can anybody tell me WTF is going on????

Things that used to mean something mean something else. People who were supposed to do one thing are doing something else. In such a dire situation I have no choice but to start redefining some words so that people finally know what they exactly mean:

RAJU:-

1.) Used to indicate a resident of Chanchalguda Jail in Andhra Pradesh who was once the chairman of a major computer company and landed in jail for fraud.

2.) Indicates a man who is the head of India’s new National Investigative Agency. A man who will in future investigate the inhabitants of Chanchalguda Jail, especially one inmate called RAJU.

The above is illustrated in the following example: RAJU of the NIA is currently investigating RAJU of Satyam while RAJU is cracking jokes about both RAJUs and a fourth RAJU has offered to teach any and all RAJUs the art of left arm spin bowling.

ICC -An abbreviation-A body of people in suits who manage the sport of cricket but themselves haven’t played a single day of cricket in their entire lives. They have been known to complicate things by using something called the Duckworth-Lewis method which allows cricket teams that have won the match to lose by a margin of more runs than actually scored and by more wickets than actually available.

Bull: A sexy beast that invests in the stock market.

Bear: The natural enemy of the bull, created by GOD to piss the bull off to ridiculous proportions.

Rakesh Jhunjhunwala: India’s biggest and sexiest bull.

Shankar Sharma: A bear created solely to piss Rakesh Jhunjhunwala off to ridiculous proportions.

HDFC Sad boy: A little boy who acts in HDFC’s Standard Life Insurance ads and is unhappy that his dad might one day go missing.

Slumdog Millionaire :A film made by a non-Indian to show the rest of the world how beautiful the dirtiest parts of India are and also a film that finally allowed Anil Kapoor to stand in a room without Subhash Ghai spying on him.

Deepika Padukone: A girl who could have dated the captain of the Indian cricket team or the dude who hit six 6’s in an over but instead decided to date the dude who showed his butt to Sanjay Leela Bhansali and 32,000 extras on the set of Saawariya.

Ram Sethu: A bridge that used to connect India and Sri Lanka but has now been destroyed.

V.Prabhakaran: A Sri Lankan terrorist who wishes that the Ram Sethu had not been destroyed because if it was still there he could use it to enter India and visit his friend Vaiko’s house especially at a time when the Sri Lankan army is kicking his LTTE’s ass.