Ajay Singh Yadav : “The Standard of Stalking Has Really Gone Down”

British people and Australian people profess that sport’s greatest rivalry lies with them. This is entirely a misconception. Every few years their country’s cricket teams get together and play cricket matches for a contest that has a lot of history and tradition.

Rakesh Jhunjhunwala doesn’t care about all that…right.

The greatest sports rivalry is always India vs. Pakistan. Australian people and British people play The Ashes because someone burnt a bail.

That’s not a reason to start a fight. At least when it’s India v Pakistan, we‘ve fought so many wars with the Pakistanis + they keep sending terrorists across the border.

These British and Australian people are so stupid. They should rename that cricket series from ‘The Ashes’ to ‘The Asses’ and if it’s any help I’ll give both teams a box of cricket bails if it heals their broken and sad hearts. I’m a compassionate man who’s all about the healing touch.

Recently someone else who’s been called an ass has been Mr.Ajay Singh Yadav, stalker of Sania Mirza. He gave an interview to my newspaper ‘The J Times’ where he talks about his motives and the unfair treatment meted out to him by the media.

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Neeraj Roy; J Times Bureau,

Banjara Hills Police Station,

Hyderabad

Rated number 11 in India’s annual list of ‘Best Celebrity Stalkers’ Ajay Singh Yadav is today a confused and disappointed man.

“I thought I was doing a good job stalking Sania Mirza but now I’m in a quagmire doubting my very credentials,” he says sadly.

“I’m from a very small village in UP and have been denied opportunities to stalk celebrities in the public sector. That’s when I started my own stalking firm and till date have successfully stalked over a hundred and fifty celebrities including West Indies wicket keeper Denesh Ramdin and Girija Vyas,MP from Chittorgarh”

“My firm has also been internationally accredited by Chin and Lang agency, North Korea”

This is when his tone takes a drastic and haunting tone “I didn’t even want to stalk Sania Mirza, I was only here to give a few tips on successful stalking to one of my firm’s employees Mohammad Ashraf”

Ashraf is the first man who was arrested before Ajay on charges of stalking Miss Mirza.

“You know, he broke the fundamental rule of stalking – NEVER EVER PROPOSE MARRIAGE. It’s a wrong method. You’re only supposed to take photos of the celebrities you’re stalking especially when they’re bathing and leave threatening voice messages on their phone like I will kill you and I know where you live,”

“It’s because of people like Ashraf that stalking has acquired such a bad name. You are supposed to stalk the celebrity till he or she gets a nervous breakdown and gets a police restraining order. After that you should stalk someone else. It’s the foundation of stalking.”

He continued “But that idiot Ashraf broke into her house, tried to stop her engagement and wanted to marry her. He has no professionalism. He’s a very bad stalker and he gives the real stalkers like me a very bad name.”

But underneath Yadav’s hard surface is the spirit of an ACTIVIST AGAINST INNUENDO(AAI).He remembers fondly,

“I didn’t come only to help Ashraf but also you know to stop the innuendo about Sania’s marriage,”

“Everyday in the papers I’ve been reading things like

· It’s LOVE ALL for Sania

· Sania COURTS love

· It’s a perfect MATCH for Sania

· Sania meets her MATCH

· Sania’s heart is TIED to Sohrab

· GAME,SET AND MATCH for Sohrab

· MATCH POINT for Sania

· Sania is in the NET

· Perfect DOUBLES PARTNER for Sania

· Sania all SET for engagement

“I didn’t actually get it till someone told me that these newspaper wallahs were trying to integrate tennis terminology into reading headlines creating innuendo.”

“Those guys even innuendoed me :”

· Stalkers DOUBLE FAULT Sania

“With all this gay talk going on I was worried that if Sania were to say she’s gay then the media would add another innuendo like,

· Sania en-GAY-ged to partner”

Just before being led away by the cops we managed to ask the charming Mr.Yadav about his future plans to which he said,

“I just want to thank The J Times for allowing me to bring my side of the story. After I get bail I plan to go back to UP and start my own school for stalkers.Ashraf’s antics have shown the business in a bad light.”

“The Standard of Stalking Has Really Gone Down”