The Legend Returns

For the past 4 months, I’ve been like a Tiger. Peering silently through the high grass, observing the wildlife as the different species have been going about their daily lives without a care in the world. The zebras have been running around, the gazelles have been sipping gently at the water pools. The hippos and the rhinos have been grazing. The giraffes have been plucking the leaves out of the tall trees .The vultures continue to scavenge. The whales munch on the plankton in the ocean. Dolphins play gently squeaking like chew toys and everyone else just carrying on unaware of what has been unleashed.

Shankar Sharma is back.

The bad brown bear of the stock markets long done serving his one year ban from SEBI has resurfaced .The cheeky fellow has started to make TV appearances putting on a new face, one of a reformed, changed man. Now the others might believe that Sharma is indeed a different guy, one who has changed for the better after his ban but I know Sharma better than anyone else and you can't teach an old bear new tricks.

Sharma can keep preaching till the cows come home and smile his dental package all he wants for the cameras, yapping his gums about the Indian Economy but I will never buy it.

Sharma and I are enemies, that’s a well known fact. Sharma thinks he is not only my enemy but also my arch nemesis. The anti thesis to everything I am. The anti matter to my matter. The negative to my positive. The Good Day Chocolate Chip Cookie to my Parle Hide and Seek. Heck, the Stardust to my Filmfare. What Sharma fails to understand is that while I consider him to be an enemy, I don't consider him to be my arch nemesis simply because the only one capable of beating ME is ME alone.

So Sharma can delude himself that he is my arch nemesis but in reality he can only muster enough to be an arch, like this one:

Hehehe!

For the sake of drama and fun I’ll even say Sharma is like the Joker and I am Batman not because Shankar is as evil as the Joker but because he is a clown and a joker.

Now that Sharma and his sidekick wife Devina Mehra aka Crazy Kung Fu Hair Lady (A Woman Whose Hair Makes That Thing On Sonu Nigam's Head Look Like The Taj Mahal )

are back to their devious ways it is but natural that my recent sabbatical too come to an end. For the past few months I’ve been taking a break, spending time with my family, My Mom, Wife, The J twins Aryaman and Aryavir and My little princess Nishtha!

I’ve been celebrating my darling wife Rekha's and My 25^th Wedding Anniversary.

Doing other things like watching my diabetes, expanding my philanthropic nature by doing kickass Nobel prize winning charity and spending time at my ultra mega super duper fantastic excellently excellent pinnacle of luxury posh Lonavala resdidence.

But now that Sharma is back, it is time for the guardian of Dalal Street and overall greatest person ever in the history of history, THE SEXY BEAST, THE GINORMOUS BULL, THE CRUSHER OF FOES, THE FOLDER OF TOES, THE RHYMER OF FOES WITH TOES, THE UNDISPUTED SEXIEST PERSON OF ALL TIME, THE GREATEST OF THE GREATS, THE KING OF KINGS, EMPEROR, RULER AND OVERALL F*CKIN GOD OF AWESOMENESS (I’M TALKING ABOUT ME) to also make his return from sabbatical.

THE LEGEND RETURNS

 

 

Battle Of The Exchanges

See what happened this week. First the NSE plans to start its trading session at 9 am so that the East Asian dudes everyone from Singapore to Indonesia, the Seoul Korean KOSPI lovers and the Nikkei Japanese Hakka noodle eaters can invest in India for an extra hour.

Immediately the Bombay Stock Exchange gets wind of this and decides to open at 9:45 am on a mic check, mic check, testing 1...2…3 basis.

Now the NSE doesn’t like this, not one bit. They make a major announcement: Henceforth the National Stock Exchange will open even earlier- at 9:00 am.

The Bombay stock exchange makes an announcement 10 seconds later that they too will open for business at 9:00 am.

So from Next year the Markets will open at 9 am.

This makes the Securities Exchange Board of India aka SEBI think. Think deep. CB Bhave the chief of SEBI known also as SEBI Bhave is now discussing the implications of these moves with our Hon-Her-Able Finance Minister Pranab Mukherjee.

But what does this mean for Rocky J? One trader asked me if this would be a problem for me.

‘Ha!’ I said ‘Till Today Rocky J hasn’t met a problem whose ass he couldn’t kick’.

Think about the massive implications:

1 extra hour/day = 5 extra hours/week =20 extra hours/month=240 extra hours/year *

*(The above calculation is exclusive of the list of declared market holidays. The list of declared Market Holidays for the year 2009 and 2010 can be found on the respective websites of the BSE and the NSE. Links to which I have no intention of providing. You are free to complain about my impoliteness to SEBI, a complaint form is found on the SEBI website. Once again I have no intention of providing the link to this website. )

If I am to make even 2 crores every extra hour then I’d be making 480 extra crores every year simply because the markets trade 1 extra hour everyday.

But this also means that the Mukherjee’s Udayan and Mitali will have to be on TV one hour earlier.

Plastic Face Shruti Ruparel from UTVi will have to spend one extra hour everyday learning that the Bombay Stock Exchange is an Exchange where securities are traded and not a hospital where sex-change operations are performed. It’s pronounced Bombay Stock Exchange not Bombay Stock Sexchange.

Ashwani Gujral will have to sit on his massive chair for 1 extra hour and set stop loss targets with a 2% price differential for another extra hour.

Ambareesh Baliga will have to ramble for one extra hour everyday explaining why the stocks he picked yesterday flopped as usual.

SP Tulsian will buy Reliance for one extra hour everyday “Because Reliance Is A Good Company”

Samir Arora from Helios Capital will spend one more hour everyday blaming FII’s (Foreign Institutional Investors ) for ‘Unusual And Highly Volatile Market Activity’

Brokers will take credit for every right call they make and blame sub-brokers for every wrong call they make for one extra hour everyday.

I love it when a plan comes together. I wonder if I had anything to do with it. One extra hour.