Chinese Chit Fund

God bless the Chinese. A few days ago our great neighbor walked into Ladakh across the border and restarted the border problem.

I think they erected a hakka noodle shop. When the government told them to go back to their side of the border they said "No, Because We Are In Our Territory".

By the way according to the Chinese everything marked in red on this map is their territory.

  

And everything marked in red on this map is also their territory.





So technically they have not crossed any border and are in their territory only. The only part of the world which does not come under their territory is this part.

 And that’s because the Chinese are scared of her.

Didi is busy saving her party people from a chit fund scam.

 

 
This chit fund is one among many -it funds in India. Some of them are.

Ch*t fund - this is a fund used to take care of ch*tiyas :

Pit fund - a fund used to give compensation to families of babies who fall into borewell pits

 

Tit fund - this is self explanatory 

Hit fund - used to kill cockroaches like these 

And these

Kit fund - a fund that refurbishes all cricket bats in this guy's cricketing kit after he breaks them during a rampage

And finally,

Himmat fund - a fund that provides relief to all those victims who died after watching 

The Jhunjhunwala Times : Vijay Mallya To Hold Classes in singing 'OOH LA LA LA LE O' in last ditch attempt to revive Kingfisher Airlines

JHUNJHUNWALA NEWS NETWORK|Bangalore
Repeated money loser and father of legendary douche bag Sidharth Mallya, Dr.Vijay Mallya has decided to start ‘OOH LA LA LA LE O’ training classes in a last ditch attempt to generate funds to revive Kingfisher Airlines.

Dr.Mallya who is best known for printing chronologically numbered days of the year in neat arrays also called calendars along with pictures of  half naked, semi naked and almost naked women has been in the news for presenting failed revival plan after failed revival plan for relaunching Kingfisher Airlines to the Director General Of Civil Aviation(DGCA)

Mallya who owns F1 car crashing team Force India and IPL Cricket Team Royal Challengers Bangalore has been struggling to find ways to repay the 7000 crore debt he owes to various moneylenders  who supplied funds to start Kingfisher Airlines.

Another successful crash for Vijay Mallya's F1 Team. Force India now holds the Guinness World record for Maximum Car crashes in F1 race history

In a last ditch effort to relaunch the airline Mallya has sought advice from the ‘King Of Relaunch’ Shri Uday Chopra. Uday Chopra has been launched and relaunched so many times now that NASA has conferred on him the extremely prestigious title of ‘Honorary Space Shuttle’ in recognition of his relaunch efforts.

Still Photo Of Uday Chopra at the NASA ceremony where he was conferred the title of  HONORARY SPACE SHUTTLE

Chopra whose advice on relaunch has also helped struggling  comeback hero Jackky Bhagnani  has reportedly told Dr.Mallya to offer training classes in singing the Kingfisher group theme song ‘OOH LA LA LA LE O’ .Mallya had earlier limited his tutorial to Cricketers only by making an instructional video but will now provide a more detailed course to the general public.

Mallya will personally take classes for interested candidates in Kingfisher Airline Plane Hangars which have been fitted with microphones and musical instruments  converting them into classrooms for the occasion.

The syllabus will focus on the correct pitch, rhythm,beat and technical aspects of pronouncing OOH LA LA LA LE O. Sensing a business opportunity in this space noted internet critic and egg hatching,chicken-counting,diamond-finding,expert Nobel management laureate Doctor Professor Arindam Chaudhuri has started his own training classes in OOH LA LA LA LE O. The advertising tagline ‘Dare To Think Beyond Ooh La La Le O’ has already appeared in 98% of newspapers worldwide signaling tough competition to Mallya.

National Corruption Institute Of India(NCII)

You’ve all heard of B-Schools. Yes the IIM and related armada of annually turned out Business School graduates who all end up working in companies which I have huge stakes in and yes the B-SCHOOL is also a distinct brand of business teaching that allows Professor Arindam Chaudhuri to dare aspiring B-Schoolers to think beyond the IIM’s and in return be rewarded with laptops (on a first come first serve basis)

The future of this country lies not in the B-School but rather in the C-SCHOOL where C stands for CORRUPTION. Apart from this Legendary Investor the next bunch of highest money makers are our politicians.

And politicians need to excel in the art and science of corruption to become successful politicians. Therefore I forecast a C-School boom much like the B-School boom so that aspiring politicians can learn the proper ways of corruption.

But no matter how many C-schools come up, none will ever match the class and academic scholarship of the World’s Best C-School: THE NATIONAL CORRUPTION INSTITUTE OF INDIA or The NCII.

Our most prestigious politicians like Shibu Soren, Sharad Pawar, Mulayam Singh, Vilasrao Deshmukh, The Reddy Brothers, Madhu Koda, Mayawati and more recently Ashok Chavan, A.Raja and Suresh Kalmadi have passed out with distinguished honors from the hallowed grounds of the NCII.

If you too want to become a successful politician then you must join the NCII.The WORLD’S GREATEST C-SCHOOL! Just check out their new advertisement for aspiring C-School applicants:

National Corruption Institute Of India (NCII) Affiliated To Indian Parliament

Listed on the World Corruption Index as the World’s Best C-School

Invites Applications for 3 Years Undergraduate Bachelors Degree in Corruption (BC).

Earn your BC from the World’s Most Reputed Institute for Corruption Studies

OUR COMPREHENSIVE SYLLABUS INCLUDES:-

Financial Theory and Practice

• Transfer of funds through HAWALA for creation of MASS GHOTALA

• FINANCIAL NETWORKING -Movement of money through well engineered networks between State Party Units and Central Party Unit.

• Solicitation methods to increase donations towards Party Fund.

• Theory and application of Popular BRIBE concepts and ­methods like ‘Chai Pani’, ‘Parcel’, ‘Change’, ‘Gift Box’ , ‘Color TV’, ‘Foreign Trip’ and the ever popular ‘Children’s School Fees’
  

Public Relations (PR) and Media Management

• Learn how to be MISQUOTED BY THE MEDIA.

• Learn to say the right things to be QUOTED OUT OF CONTEXT.

• Excellent training in PARTY SPOKESMANOLOGY .Learn how to argue on TV with other Party people on TV like Professor Manish Tewari and Professor Ravi Shankar Prasad.

• Develop public gestures like NAMASTE and HAND WAVING.

• Learn the art of proving all allegations as “BASELESS AND POLITICALLY MOTIVATED”

• Effectively refute STING OPERATIONS. Advanced course in proving that VIDEO FOOTAGE IS FALSE AND MANIPULATED.

Law and Order Module:

In this module you will learn how to:

• Commit MURDER and RAPE

• Bring LOCAL POLICE under your control

• Get BAIL super fast if you are ever arrested.

• Apply and get speedy ANTICIPATORY BAIL so you don’t get arrested in the first place!

• FIGHT ELECTIONS FROM JAIL! Special lectures in this chapter by visiting Professors Shahbuddin and Pappu Yadav!

Advanced Riotology

• Methods to build your own storage houses for HOCKEY STICKS AND WEAPONS to engineer riots.

• Identify and develop your own fuel depots for easy and widespread dispersal of RIOT FRIENDLY PETROL TANKERS

• Form effective partnerships with local liquor stores for easy procurement of ‘DESI DARU’ to get rioters high and ensure awesome rioting!

• Full study in CONTEMPORARY BUS BURNING. New age exciting methods for INSTANTANEOUS BUS COMBUSTION.

• Introductory Kashmir method of inciting riots through STONE THROWING.

• Actual rioting demonstrations under the expert tutelage of Professor Pravin Togadia.

Gain Extensive Knowledge From Our Faculty Of World Class Professors . Special Courses In:

• ‘2G SPECTRUM – A Telecommunications Perspective’ By Professor Andimuthu Raja

• ‘Flat Taking From Army Jawan’ By Professor Ashok Chavan

• ‘The Correct Standard of Clean’ By Professor Lalit Bhanot

• ‘Sports Medal or No Medal, In Corruption Always Get Gold Medal’ By Professor Suresh Kalmadi

• ‘Application of Corruption on Non Human Species – Stealing Money for Cattle Fodder’ By Professor Laloo Prasad Yadav

• ‘Building A Corridor For The Taj Mahal Can Cost More Money That Building The Taj Mahal Itself’ By Professor Mayawati Kumari.

And Many Many More!!

SO FORGET B-SCHOOL!

BE COOL JOIN C-SCHOOL.

NCII IS THE BEST.