Sunday, November 14, 2010

National Corruption Institute Of India(NCII)

You’ve all heard of B-Schools. Yes the IIM and related armada of annually turned out Business School graduates who all end up working in companies which I have huge stakes in and yes the B-SCHOOL is also a distinct brand of business teaching that allows Professor Arindam Chaudhuri to dare aspiring B-Schoolers to think beyond the IIM’s and in return be rewarded with laptops (on a first come first serve basis)

The future of this country lies not in the B-School but rather in the C-SCHOOL where C stands for CORRUPTION. Apart from this Legendary Investor the next bunch of highest money makers are our politicians.

And politicians need to excel in the art and science of corruption to become successful politicians. Therefore I forecast a C-School boom much like the B-School boom so that aspiring politicians can learn the proper ways of corruption.

But no matter how many C-schools come up, none will ever match the class and academic scholarship of the World’s Best C-School: THE NATIONAL CORRUPTION INSTITUTE OF INDIA or The NCII.

Our most prestigious politicians like Shibu Soren, Sharad Pawar, Mulayam Singh, Vilasrao Deshmukh, The Reddy Brothers, Madhu Koda, Mayawati and more recently Ashok Chavan, A.Raja and Suresh Kalmadi have passed out with distinguished honors from the hallowed grounds of the NCII.

If you too want to become a successful politician then you must join the NCII.The WORLD’S GREATEST C-SCHOOL! Just check out their new advertisement for aspiring C-School applicants:

National Corruption Institute Of India (NCII) Affiliated To Indian Parliament

Listed on the World Corruption Index as the World’s Best C-School

Invites Applications for 3 Years Undergraduate Bachelors Degree in Corruption (BC).

Earn your BC from the World’s Most Reputed Institute for Corruption Studies


Financial Theory and Practice

  • Transfer of funds through HAWALA for creation of MASS GHOTALA
  • FINANCIAL NETWORKING -Movement of money through well engineered networks between State Party Units and Central Party Unit.
  • Solicitation methods to increase donations towards Party Fund.
  • Theory and application of Popular BRIBE concepts and ­methods like ‘Chai Pani’, ‘Parcel’, ‘Change’, ‘Gift Box’ , ‘Color TV’, ‘Foreign Trip’ and the ever popular ‘Children’s School Fees’
Public Relations (PR) and Media Management
  • Learn how to be MISQUOTED BY THE MEDIA.
  • Learn to say the right things to be QUOTED OUT OF CONTEXT.
  • Excellent training in PARTY SPOKESMANOLOGY .Learn how to argue on TV with other Party people on TV like Professor Manish Tewari and Professor Ravi Shankar Prasad.
  • Develop public gestures like NAMASTE and HAND WAVING.
  • Learn the art of proving all allegations as “BASELESS AND POLITICALLY MOTIVATED”
  • Effectively refute STING OPERATIONS. Advanced course in proving that VIDEO FOOTAGE IS FALSE AND MANIPULATED.
Law and Order Module:

In this module you will learn how to:
  • Commit MURDER and RAPE
  • Bring LOCAL POLICE under your control
  • Get BAIL super fast if you are ever arrested.
  • Apply and get speedy ANTICIPATORY BAIL so you don’t get arrested in the first place!
  • FIGHT ELECTIONS FROM JAIL! Special lectures in this chapter by visiting Professors Shahbuddin and Pappu Yadav!

Advanced Riotology
  • Methods to build your own storage houses for HOCKEY STICKS AND WEAPONS to engineer riots.
  • Identify and develop your own fuel depots for easy and widespread dispersal of RIOT FRIENDLY PETROL TANKERS
  • Form effective partnerships with local liquor stores for easy procurement of ‘DESI DARU’ to get rioters high and ensure awesome rioting!
  • Full study in CONTEMPORARY BUS BURNING. New age exciting methods for INSTANTANEOUS BUS COMBUSTION.
  • Introductory Kashmir method of inciting riots through STONE THROWING.
  • Actual rioting demonstrations under the expert tutelage of Professor Pravin Togadia.
Gain Extensive Knowledge From Our Faculty Of World Class Professors . Special Courses In:
  • ‘2G SPECTRUM – A Telecommunications Perspective’ By Professor Andimuthu Raja
  • ‘Flat Taking From Army Jawan’ By Professor Ashok Chavan
  • The Correct Standard of Clean’ By Professor Lalit Bhanot
  • ‘Sports Medal or No Medal, In Corruption Always Get Gold Medal’ By Professor Suresh Kalmadi
  • ‘Application of Corruption on Non Human Species – Stealing Money for Cattle Fodder’ By Professor Laloo Prasad Yadav
  • ‘Building A Corridor For The Taj Mahal Can Cost More Money That Building The Taj Mahal Itself’ By Professor Mayawati Kumari.
And Many Many More!!




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