Ever since I can remember I have been The World’s Kindest Person. My heart is filled with so much goodness, grace and benevolence that appreciation for all life simply pours forth from this ridiculously good looking body.
I have turned down the Nobel Peace Prize an incredible 78 times simply because I don’t want the unnecessary attention for being such an exemplary example of a fantastic, kind, generous being ever ready to help my fellow human.
I am the most humble person in history. Every single person who has read My Secret Journal knows for a fact that I never make a big deal about my phenomenal achievements .They know that I always keep a low profile.
See I’m Not an Attention Seeker; I’m An Attention Getter. It’s A Side Effect of Greatness.
Recently I was approached by eBay the website and ET NOW the business channel for a charity lunch auction wherein the highest bidder would be privileged with the distinguishingly epic gargantuan once in an epoch path breaking generation changing life altering phenomenal eureka moment of deliverance in being able to dine at lunch with ME.
Yes, ME.
I am the World’s Greatest Investor but I am also the World’s Greatest Eater. In fact when ET NOW first approached me I misheard the name as EAT NOW.
You will in time see me dining in the charity lunch on ET/EAT NOW
The stock broker who made the winning bid is a guy from Gujarat named Anirudh Sethi and he is right now in a coma. A coma he fell into unable to believe that his amount had indeed earned him the privilege, the exhilarating experience of dining with MY GREATNESS. The doctors have informed me that he will recover in time for the lunch.
Now, when he comes down to Mumbai I could treat him to a wonderful lunch anywhere right from the Taj to the Street Chats at Chowpatty.
I can order the new and improved Kitchen King from Telebrands which prepares everything in under 15 minutes and treat him to a wonderful array of tasty dishes prepared on the Kitchen King by my expert entourage of expert chefs!
Heck, I can even offer the guy sawdust with water melon seeds and he would just bawl over it. His salivary glands will work overtime in processing the fine ground powder and his brain will project an illusion of the most awesome meal he has ever had simply because the one with whom he dines with is me.
Yes, ME.
All of this money will go towards a charity based in Bangalore because like I already said: I am the kindest greatest man ever with a heart of compassion. I mean I’m not just great looking and incredibly super rich; I have a heart of gold. I can literally replace my cardiac muscle with an actual heart of gold.
The charity lunch will occur and By God it will be the greatest charity lunch of all time.
And with Diwali coming up I am gonna burst crackers …..right.
One must always appreciate Diwali and never ever give up the opportunity to make as much noise as possible, eat as many sweets and savories as possible , attend as many business channel Samvat shows as possible, WEAR as many new clothes as possible, spend time with The J Twins,Nishtha,Rekha And Mom.
Overall just put the biggest DHAMAKA ever on this festive season the likes of which the world has never seen before.
I Am Off To Celebrate Diwali.
Dear Readers, Here’s Wishing You All A Great, Happy and Wonderful Diwali. May This Festive Season bring you and Your Family Loads of Happiness and Prosperity.
OYE PATAKA JALAO YAAR! NOISE POLLUTION BABY, COME ON! ALL THAT GLOBAL WARMING ISN’T GOING TO HAPPEN BY ITSELF.
That's what I'm gonna do.
Yes,ME.
