Dear Sir Sri Jhunjhunwala,
My name is Tarun Tejpal and I am not a rapist.
I used to run a magazine called Tehelka till I was forced to take
a 6 month vacation .My idiot Managing Editor Shoma Chaudhury now runs the place
while I do laceration and atonement.
No , Not the film 'Atonement' but you get the idea.
For the past few days News has been rife with news of something I
was supposed to have done inside a Hotel Lift in Goa to a fellow employee at
Tehelka.
I am writing this letter to you to put forward the facts of that
night.I want to set the record straight.
1.) The event in itself can best be described from many leaked emails and statements as rape
, molestation , sexual harassment , sexual assault , sexual
misconduct , sexual liason , sexual banter, one sided
consensual sex, untoward incident
A LIFT INSPECTION. It was a lift Inspection I had
carried out that day with my young journalist friend. It had nothing to do with
any criminal behavior of any kind.
2.) For long I have been worried about the state of India's
elevators and LIFTS. More so, because our country's state of load bearing
hydraulics and weight hoisting machinery from one floor to another has been
very problematic.
3.) The problem of dangerous lifts was brought to my attention by
well known singer and frequent Visa applicant, Adnan Sami who very beautifully
annotated in his song 'Lift Kara de'
the issue of weak and potentially fatal lifts.
4.) On the day of the incident I was merely doing a lift
inspection, I had even hooked up one of my famous Tehelka sting operation
cameras into the lift CCTV so that I could do a sting operation on the Hotel
where I was staying. Unfortunately I found out much later that the lift had no
CCTV in the first place.This was my sheer bad luck.
5.) I want to tell you categorically since you are the only
person on this planet whose authority overrules even that of Arnab Goswami, The
Supreme Court and The US President...combined, that I DID NOT RAPE THAT GIRL!
6.) It Was Completely Her Fault! She not only wore sexy clothes
but also ate Chowmein and used fancy mobile phones - all of which have been
comprehensively proven to cause rape according to Khap Panchayats. She was showing me pictures of Chowmein on
her mobile phone in an attempt to titillate me!
7.) Despite such brazen provocations I did not get affected and
continued to inspect the lift for faulty wiring,structural flaws,etc. It just so happened that this wiring
happened to be in the girl's clothes and on her body.
8.) This
is a political conspiracy to stop India from providing world class lifts to its
citizens. The Congress and the BJP have once too often engaged in
corruption and swallowed the funds meant for lift construction. These political parties want common people
of India to be stuck in a tyranny of stair climbing while fat netas from their
own parties continue to get LIFTED
to higher levels.
9.) Tehelka has always stood for Strong and fair journalism. I am
confident that despite my atonement they will reach higher
levels...literally,because I have told Shoma to put more lifts in the Tehelka
office building.Thus we will break our dependence on the laceration caused to our
feet by walking and climbing stairs.
In Conclusion - I Did Not
Rape That Girl. IT WAS A LIFT INSPECTION - I REITERATE
Journalist and Lift Inspector,
Tarun Tejpal
