Friday, July 29, 2011

The Ballad Of BS Yeddyurappa - A Poem

Yeddy saw the Iron Ore Ore
He stole it, became a Chor Chor
Sold it, the $$ started to Pour Pour
He made many a Crore Crore

He wanted More More
Became an Iron Whore Whore
The Governor started to Bore Bore
Yeddy attacked with a Gore Gore

There was Blood Blood
Of Allegations there was a Flood Flood
On Yeddy there was thrown Mud Mud
Plans to remove him were a Dud Dud

He sang I am Dabangg,Hud Hud
I am the Stud Stud
Everything is Fine Fine
The Iron is Mine Mine

There was a No Confidence Motion
For that money was the Lotion
The MLA’s were Bought Bought
No one could be Caught Caught

The Congress tried to Scream Scream
To make Yeddy resign was their Dream Dream
They wanted him to fall on his face Flat Flat
They didn’t remember that their Chavan gulped the Adarsh Flat Flat

 Chavan and Yeddy
To resign none was Ready
Yeddy depended on the Brothers Reddy
To keep his Chief Ministership very very Steady

Then came along Justice Hegde
That’s what began Yeddy’s bad Day Day
He screamed “ Help,Mayday,Mayday”
Not being CM anymore meant Canceling Payday

That’s what was written in the Lokayukta Report Report
Yeddy didn’t dare go to Court Court
In Bangalore he wanted to hold Fort Fort

The Media started to Spout Spout
In front of Gadkari, Yeddy decided to show his Clout Clout

He repeated the same Line Line
“I will not Resign Resign”

Finally the time Came Came
For Yeddy things wouldn’t be the Same Same
There was a lot of Drama Drama
Yeddy went to the Temple and shouted “Rama,Rama”

Neither Rama nor Krishna heard his Cry Cry
All Yeddy could do was Try Try
Yeddy’s Bheja was getting Fry Fry
His options were getting Dry Dry

Yeddy started to Yell Yell
Losing the chair was Hell Hell
But the time had Come Come
Yeddy in despair needed the Rum Rum

There was no Choice Choice
No one heard his Voice Voice
All his rants were just Noise Noise

As he waved the ‘V’ Sign Sign
All he could do was Resign Resign

Later Yeddy came and met Me
He asked me Sadly Sadly
Why he was forced to resign so Badly Badly?

“You fool” I Said Said
“Get this into your Head Head”

It was not Kumaraswamy who made you Resign

It was not the Reddy Brothers who made you Resign
It was not the Congress who made you Resign
It was not the Governor who made you Resign
It was not the BJP high command that made you Resign

Heck,it wasn’t even JUSTICE HEDGE who made you Resign

The only one who made YOU resign was YOU!!

You shouldn’t have stolen the Ore
Instead You kept saying “Yeh Dil Maange More”


You want to blame someone for losing Your Chair?
Look no further than the one in the mirror You Stare.


Saturday, July 23, 2011

RR Patil - The Dark Knight Of Mumbai

Mumbai often worries me. Not everyone is as strong as me to protect themselves from bad people like terrorists. People are also not as rich as me to be able to afford security and bomb squad equipment and sniffer dogs and stuff like that.

After the recent blasts on the 13th, people ask me more than ever to protect this city.

Being the Superhero that I am I can, but what is the need when the SINGLE BADDEST ASS KICKING POLITICIAN IN THE HISTORY OF GEOGRAPHY RR PATIL is around?!!!(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I mean this dude is so badass that he entered My Journal as Patil 3:16

Too many people have been disrespecting Patil but no one knows what it means to be RR PATIL: THE DARK KNIGHT OF MUMBAI.

When I see the PATIL BAT SIGNAL hovering in the skies I know that Mumbai is safe! 

If you still don’t believe me then take a look at this supremely edited video that so beautifully highlights the emotional, moving, charismatic story of Mumbai’s Brave Dark Knight – RR Patil. Anyone who is familiar with The Dark Knight films would understand the trials of this brave man. I salute you Mr.RR Patil!!! (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)


Monday, July 11, 2011

SHARAD PAWAR: " I Will Guard the Kerala Temple Treasure "


Dear Supremely Supreme Personality Rakesh Sir,

I Sharad Pawar, am writing this letter to you today not as India’s most successful Agriculture Minister or as India's most successful former Chief Minister of Maharashtra. I also don't write this as the President of the International Cricket Council (ICC).

The fact of the matter is that as a distinguished veteran and daringly honest politician in the Indian democracy, I have accomplished a lot but still there is a deep hole in my heart which can only be filled by doing more for my country and her fellowmen. In Hindi we call this 'PAROPKARI' attitude and it is this attitude that I wanna demonstrate in my future endeavors.

I am writing this letter to your Greatness out of a deep sense of devotion and longing to do sincere heartfelt service for my great country India.

But Rakesh Sir, I cannot do this without your help. This is why I am requesting your legendary guidance and mercy.

I have always wanted to make my fellow countrymen happy. I still remember the day when I won the Cricket World Cup for India after 28 long years. It was an unbelievable feeling and so awesome to see the entire country celebrating that moment!!

All I desire now is to put more smiles like that on the faces of my fellow Indians and this is where I need your divine help.

As you well know there was a huge treasure of many Lakhs of Crores of Rupees and Many Billion Dollars recently found in the secret underground chamber vaults of the Sree Padmanabhaswamy Temple in Thiruvanthapuram,Kerala.

By no means is this treasure as big as your multitude of vast treasures Rakesh Sir. I mean your coin purse alone is more valuable than hundreds of such treasures ...combined!

However this money is no small amount for me and as someone who has always been a guardian of wealth I feel I must now be put in charge of the Sree Padmanabhaswamy Temple treasure also.

Therefore I beseech you from the bottom of my heart to get me on the Trust Board of the Padmanabhaswamy Temple. The treasure must be guarded for our Great Country's sake.

After a lot of thought I have reached the conclusion that none better than me is best suited to handle this treasure because frankly no one is more suited to guard a treasure than me! I have the necessary experience as I have guarded so many treasures in the past:

- The Abdul Karim Telgi Stamp Paper Treasure
- The Lalit Modi IPL Treasure
- BCCI and ICC Advertising Revenue Treasure
- Maharashtra Government Alliance Partner Treasure
- Agriculture Ministry Treasure
- Sugar Price Management Treasure
- Swiss Bank Hidden Treasure
- Maharashtra Real Estate Treasure

And many many more treasures, etc,etc

Of course while the popular demand is for your greatness to personally interject himself and take charge of this treasure, I know for a fact that your highness never concerns himself with such small treasure which is worth nothing more than a few paltry Crores so I won't even make the mistake of insulting your EPICNESS by even suggesting that you take a hold of the Kerala treasure.

However the world is a place full of thieves and scoundrels. There are those who greedily look upon this treasure as their own. As a proud Indian I feel I must do everything I can in my power to protect this great treasure and therefore I request you to use your influence and get me a position on the trust board which currently administers the treasure.

Only you can fulfill my dream of protecting the treasure Rakesh Sir!

Over the past few days my devotion towards God Padmanabhaswamy has increased exponentially and I am now a fully fledged believer in the Greatest God Sri Padmanabhaswamy!

Some people may be surprised that I have switched allegiance from Maharashtra God Ganesh to Kerala God Padmanabhaswamy but I can't help it. I am a politician. I change sides all the time! So if you really think about it I'm just being honest to myself and because of this honesty I deserve to be the treasure custodian.

Many will say that I lack the religious heritage to be the temple's treasure guardian. This is yet another untruth because I am filled with religious traditional worship of Sri Padmanabhaswamy. Everyday I am more than willing to bathe in the Holy Temple Tank Waters at the crack of dawn and perform Pujas for Shri Padmanabhaswamy.

I have always admired Sri Padmanabhaswamy and it is because of this admiration that I want to serve him. God is tired after carrying the treasure for so many years and he needs rest. Therefore I will step in and take over treasure keeping duties.

I am making sincere efforts to worship Padmanabhaswamy's  treasure as best as I can. I am taking tuition to learn the 1000 names of Vishnu in the sacred Vishnu Sahasranamam text so that I can worship God Padmanabha who is a form of Vishnu afterall. In this regard I have also bought a CD of the Vishnu Sahasranamam sung by none other than Bharat Ratna MS Subbulakshmi so that I can sing it while I am guarding the treasure!!


Now I admit that sometimes guarding the treasure all by myself can be difficult but this is where good help comes in. I propose that a security task force be formed to guard the treasure comprising apart from myself the esteemed Suresh Kalmadi, A.Raja and as a woman member Kanimozhi!

I just want to serve my country by guarding this vast treasure Rakesh Sir so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get me a spot on the Trust Board of the Sri Padmanabhaswamy Temple!!! PLEASE!!!

Yours Treasurely,
Sri Padmanabhaswamy's Most Worshipful Devotee and Humble Servant,
Sharad Pawar

“I Am Willing To Accept the Responsibility of Guarding the Kerala Sri Padmanabhaswamy Temple Treasure”

Monday, July 4, 2011

Ravi Shastri Goes To Wimbledon

In case you missed the Wimbledon final between Rafael Nadal and Novak Djokovic here's a recap. What makes this year’s Wimbledon so special is that our much esteemed, super talented, Multi-tasking, Multiple Question Asking Commentator God Ravi Shastri was at Wimbledon conducting proceedings. Here is the Hon-Her-Able Ravi Shastri’s legendary EPICNESS from Wimbledon.


Pre Match:

“Ravi : Ladies And Gentleman ,Welcome to this bright sunny afternoon here at the Wankhede...err....All England Lawn Tennis Club for what promises to be a cracker of a contest between Rafael Nadal and Novak Djokovic.

Let's now go to Laxman Sivaramakrishnan for the pitch report. Take it away Siva

 Siva : Thanks Ravi! Yes, good afternoon one and all. The Curator of the All England Lawn Tennis Club told me that this is going to be an absolute belter of a track.

As you can see there's a lot of grass on it which is unusual even for a typical Wimbledon wicket. There are a lot of footmarks especially from the area where the serve is delivered. If the ball pitches in the rough areas then it will definitely trouble the player.

Take a look at these cracks. I think that these could be a factor especially after the new balls are taken while serving. Expect some help from the wind especially from the Chair Umpire's end for the second serve.

Back to you Ravi!

Ravi: Thanks Siva. We're ready for the toss now.

I've got both players here with me along with the Match Umpire and the mascot Jimmy.

Nadal to spin the coin and Djokovic will call.


And it's a Head. Nadal, Looks like You’ve won the toss. So what's it gonna be champ?

Nadal: I'll receive serve Ravi .Looks like a good track to receive serve

Ravi: Interesting decision Rafa, are you receiving because you're a good receiver?

Nadal: That's right Ravi. I think I've done well receiving and hopefully I can receive well today also

Ravi: Now last match we saw that you received well because as a receiver you've always been a good receiver who receives well

Nadal: Yes my receiving so far has been good and hopefully I can do the receiving well today also

Ravi: Absolutely, have a good one Rafa.

Nadal: Thanks a Lot Rav, Cheers!

Ravi: Good toss to lose Novak? What would you have done had you won the toss?

Djokovic: I think I too would have received Ravi but after looking at the court I think it's not that bad a toss to lose so I don't mind receiving or serving

Ravi: Serving first up, you’ll be hoping to make the new ball count wouldn't you?

Djokovic: Absolutely Ravi, Nadal plays the new ball well so I have to serve tight and make sure he doesn't get too much room on the offside.

Ravi: Also you being right handed and Rafa being left handed makes for an interesting right hand- left hand combination doesn't it?

Djokovic: Definitely.

Ravi: Best of luck Novak.

Djokovic: Thanks Mate, Cheers

Ravi: That’s the toss folks. The News from the Centre is that Rafael Nadal has won the toss and elected to receive first.”

Post Match:

“Ravi: Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to the post match presentation ceremony. What an amazing and absorbing day of Cricket Tennis we've had! I'm sure each and everyone of us has thoroughly enjoyed this blazing display of Tennis put on by both players.

In the presentation party with me today standing to the corner on my left

- The Duke of Kent, His Royal Highness Prince Edward
-  Actor, Film Person and Entrepreneur - Mr. Sunil Shetty

- The Chairman, CEO and Managing Director, Karbonn Mobiles, Mr. Ratnesh Thakur
- Representing the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club, General Secretary Mr. Roland Garros

And last but not the least, here to present the trophy and the winners cheque, Her Excellency, The Duchess Of Kent, Her Royal Highness Katharine

First up I'd like to call the losing player for today, Rafael Nadal

Ravi: Rafa it was a hard fought match, you nearly got there but in the end the better player won

Nadal: First of all congrats to Djokovic on playing so well and winning the match. All credit goes to him for the way he played.

Ravi: You were in control of the first few games but after that it started to slip away...

Nadal: Yeah, He played well. I was serving well but he also returning also very well and when the time came for me to return his serve he was able to serve better and so that cost me the match in the end.

Ravi: Now you mentioned the serving, you think the new ball in the first one hour was crucial because that's when most of the damage happened?

Nadal: Yeah.I think he served really well and my shot selection was not so good and that’s why I was unable to capitalize even on the loose balls that he was serving here and there.

Ravi: So where do you go from here?

Nadal: I think Ravi I've just got to keep on improving and get better. Hopefully in the next Wimbledon I'll be able to make fewer mistakes and win more matches for my country.

Ravi: Thanks a lot Rafa and good luck for the next match.

Nadal: Thanks Rav, Cheers

Ravi: May I now call upon the winner of the match, Novak Djokovic

He'll receive the Winners cheque and trophy from Her Excellency the Duchess of Kent

Congrats on winning the match and becoming the new champion Novak, how are you feeling right now?

Novak: Thanks Ravi, yeah it feels great, it’s awesome!

Ravi: When I spoke to Rafa earlier he said that you were serving really well, what do you think is the reason for that?

Novak: I’ve been working hard on my game with the Coach and support staff team members so I was able to stick to the plans and glad it worked out for me.

Ravi: You were able to stick to a tight line and length and even your fitness was good. Have you been working on those too?

Novak: Yes, at this level your fitness must be good so I've been going to the gym regularly and training with Munaf Patel so that has really helped as well

Ravi: One final question before I let you go. Will there be a big party tonight?

Novak: WELL, OF COURSE!!!!

Ravi: Thanks for joining us Novak and Congrats on the win.

NOVAK: Thanks Rav, Cheers!

Ravi: And that concludes our presentation folks. Hope you've enjoyed the wonderful entertainment from both players. I’d like to thank the presentation party once again for joining us. That’s it from the presentation area! Goodnight!”

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