Monday, December 1, 2008

Qureshi & The Balls

It’s amazing!Shivraj Patil just wrote a book called ‘How to Allow 19,000 Terrorist Attacks and Still Be Home Minister’ and immediately gets fired by the party. It’s pretty clear that the Congress Party does not like people pursuing other interests like writing books.

A legendary investor like me has to deal with a new Finance Minister who is also the Prime Minister. The old Finance Minister is the new Home Minister and the old Home Minister has been sent home. In addition to the new Home Minister the Congress Party might also appoint a new DOME MINISTER to repair the DOME of the Taj Hotel.

Since I was so damn confused with everything I decided to have a talk with the only man who seems to know what’s going on: The Foreign Minister of Pakistan- Qureshi.


“Me: Mr.Qureshi, how is your health?

Qureshi: Oh not so good because my BALLS are with the ISI .I am officially a eunuch now. Since you live in Mumbai do you think you could get me a job with a EUNUCH organization? I am very good at dancing to others’ tunes and hope to use that talent in train coaches like my fellow eunuchs.

Me: I can’t believe that your balls are with the ISI!

Qureshi: Not just mine but all my minister friends have also lost their balls to the ISI. Some of them have voluntarily deposited them with the ISI.

Me: Are you not scared?

Qureshi: I am very scared that the ISI might tamper with my balls because Pakistanis are experts in the field of BALL TAMPERING.

Me: Did the ISI have anything to do with the Mumbai attack?

Qureshi: I will say that they didn’t and if they actually did then I won’t say that they did but because they supposedly didn’t I too will say that they didn’t and in any case even if they did it we will say that they didn’t and that someone else did it and that someone else is not them .

Me: Where did you learn to talk like this?

Qureshi: As a politician I like to learn from our seniors. I learnt it from watching years of Indian politicians talk like this either on TV or in Parliament. All Pakistani politicians are required to take a training program which involves us watching the chief spokespersons of the Congress, BJP and CPI denying what their parties did or didn’t do on TV channels.

Me: What else has India taught you?

Qureshi: We respect India. Just like India has invested heavily in education by setting up the Indian Institute Of Technology or IIT’s; we in Pakistan have set up the PIT or the Pakistan Institute of Terrorism.

Me: What are your future plans?

Qureshi: I plan to act in films subject to ISI approval. I have already received an offer to play the Pakistan Foreign Minister in a film that will capture the story of this attack. It’s a film that will be directed by Ram Gopal Varma who surveyed the Taj along with the film’s hero, the dashing Ritesh Deshmukh who will play Vilasrao Deshmukh.”

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