Friday, December 19, 2008

Commodities I'm Trading In

Because I don’t trust the millions of brokers on the Bombay stock exchange who are out to steal my cash, shares and IPO forms I have to often make provisions to set up my own arrangements. My distrust spreads even to the Intelligence Agency within the Indian Securities Exchange Board of India or SEBI. This intelligence agency is similar to the ISI from Pakistan and consists of rogues and ‘rogue elements’.

SEBI being the cheapskates they are refuse to accept their existence.Dreaded stock market gangsters like Harshad Mehta and Ketan Parekh received patronage from the SEBI-ISI and so do many scamsters.

The SEBI-ISI is on a mission to steal from me but I will never allow them.

In this regard I set up my own company = Rare Enterprises, set up my own trading platforms and have now set up my very own commodities exchange platform.

My foray into commodities’ trading is such a blockbuster event that it has been covered even by the Economic Times.

All that is left for me to do now is to open my very own stock exchange and then my very own country where I will crown myself King and have beautiful ladies dance around me.

So why I am I setting up a commodities exchange?

Well, apart from the fact that I can it’s because here in India commodities trade very well.Some of these commodities my firm will specialize in are:

(Professor) Arindam Chaudhuri’s book titled ‘Count Your Chickens Before They Hatch’. This commodity will sell well because India has once again been hit by Bird Flu especially in West Bengal. I forecast that the chicken farmer community will invest heavily in this book because of it’s in- depth knowledge in tackling and rearing chickens hit by Bird Flu.

Human Feet- The Indian political class has begun to buy feet as an important commodity. Political leaders have been hit by the deadly strain of the Foot in Mouth disease.

Some leaders suffering heavily due to Foot in Mouth are:

R.R.Patil - uses feet to shut his own mouth so that in future he will not say things like “The Attack on the Taj Was a Very normal Thing.”

Mukhtar Abbas Naqvi- is using feet to beat some sense into his own head so that he will never use the words LIPSTICK and TERRORIST in the same sentence ever again.

A.R.Antulay -uses feet to not only close his mouth but also his ears so that he won’t have to hear expressively bad language from the Indian people after he said “Superficially speaking they (terrorists) had no reason to kill Karkare. Whether he (Karkare) was a victim of terrorism or terrorism plus something I do not know,”.Harbhajan Singh heard Antulay’s words and said ‘Tere Maa Ki’ but Antulay heard it as MONKEY and accused him of racism—THE BASTARD.

The hon-her-able P.Chidambaram does not suffer from foot in mouth but requires extra feet to run because he keeps running from his home to the Lok Sabha where he stands and answers questions in his capacity as the Home Minister on security issues and immediately after runs to the Rajya Sabha and answers questions on finance and the economic crisis as the FORMER FINANCE MINISTER.

Life story of Shanthakumaran Sreesanth DVD –this is an excellent DVD that shows people how to help India win a test match in South Africa and then go bonkers. It also shows in depth how to get injured frequently, Get slapped by a Sardarji and consequently cry in front of Preity Zinta and finally be demoted to a Grade C cricket contract. Free with this DVD is another commodity called Parachute After Shower Hair Gel which if you put, you can dance just like Sreesanth in the ad. It’s excellent for those who want to waste their talent.

Shoes-I forecast an increase in the sale of this commodity since it’s useful to throw at heads of state. Maximum demand is forecasted in Iraq.

Another book called ‘You Stupid Douche Bag, We Aren’t Interested In Intercourse .If You Knew This You’d Still Be Home Minister ’ .This book is being bought in huge numbers by one man called Shivraj Patil who said “We are ready for a meaningful intercourse with the terrorists.”

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