The people of the world are living in sad and difficult times. In these times they need someone who can listen to them and provide them advice.As an experienced man of the world and the World’s 1029th Richest man (officially, unofficially #1) I have a responsibility to help people .Ever since my newspaper became famous after the expose on the attack on the TAJ, I’ve decided to write my own agony aunt column in The Jhunjhunwala Times.
Being Chief Editor and Editor-In-Chief of The Jhunjhunwala Times I’ve decided to publish the first agony aunt column after Christmas. It’s going to be another success for me. Please feel free to admire the way I’ve solved people’s problems. It brings tears to my eyes.
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Q: Dear sir, I am a Stock Broker who invested in Satyam Computers.Recently the shares of Satyam have plunged and the company has been banned from doing business with the World Bank. Do you think I should sell the stock or hold it for longer?
Answer: Go #@!! Yourself you bloody $#! #@$%$%^ %^%& &%^&.How many times do I need to tell you fellows that I don’t give other Stock Brokers tips. In any case the World Bank like other banks might need a bailout worth $750 Billion Dollars + $800 Billion Dollars. If it does not get that bailout it will go bust in which case it’s a good thing Satyam Computers does not do business with it. Now *^*###%% %# off.
Q: Sirji, my name is Shekhar Tiwari and I’m an MLA from Uttar Pradesh. Just today my men and I beat up an engineer and killed him. My Behenji has decided to send me to jail. Should I comply with her wishes or escape to Pakistan and have the honor of appearing on India’s Wanted List?
A: Dear Shekhar, you are from UP.As Amitabh once said “In UP Germs Are Less Because People Use Lifebuoy” or was it “UP Mein Dum Hain Kyunki Jurm Yahaan Kum Hain”; anyway you should go to jail. You will not be lonely since half the Uttar Pradesh assembly is in jail anyway. Behenji will be impressed that in hard economic times you have cut down on office costs by moving into jail. She will reward you with a cabinet berth when you come out of jail.
Q: First of all I’d like to say ‘Sirji What an Idea Sir Ji’ after listening to your advice to Shekhar Tiwari. Now moving to my own problem I want to know how I can be a part of a boy band like Boyzone or the Backstreet Boys.Your’s truly-Udayan Mukherjee, CNBC TV18.
A: Udayan, to be a part of a boy band you must first learn to dance and not sing .Then you need to find one guy who can actually sing and then act in a music video with him. In the video be sure to dance behind the guy who sings. You can also join the Lashkar E Toiba where you can sing songs on Islamic Jihad but then you will not be part of a BOY BAND but a BOY BANNED.
Q: My name is Harman Baweja and my film Victory is set to release soon. What should I do to make it a hit?
A: Harman, always remember that your greatest hit now and forever will be nailing Priyanka Chopra.
Till next time go watch Ghajini.
9 COMMENT:
good one :-)
Dear Agony Uncle
I'm very much worried about the present bschool placements. I'm not sure whether i'll get one when i pass out in 2010. What can i do to make sure that I'm getting one/(or )no one is getting anything. Whom can I blame for not getting any placement(other than me)?
One more question: is there any way to blame it on the bank from which i took the education loan so that i can sue them in court and force them to write off the loan?
Mandhar,
Do you also need agony advice?
Johns,
The best career today is stockbroking or politics.You will never be #1 in stockbroking since I will always be #1.
Therefore leave the b school and try to get placed in the P school where P = politics.
After you become a politician you will not have a problem in getting your loan written off.In fact you can force them to take a loan from you at 34% interest.
Nice to read this blog.
it is really very humurous.
i like it very much.
Oh man oh man. This is the most insanely funny shite I've read in a long time. Brilliance. Shite - can't stop giggling at those ridiculous cat terrorist pics! A TV in the Taj. Hahahahaha.
SirG,
Thank you for promoting Ghajini.I am sure you are holding shares in Network 18.
A research by my find is that Bollywood total gross 2008 is less than a single Hollywood movie say Mummy Returns or Sex & the City within $350 million.
Zardari and Sharif are in great need of an Agony Aunt since Pranab has taken away their sleep.
May be Bill clinton will soon approach you for your advice how to get more donations from India.
Vinod Agarwal - Watched Tamil and Then Hindi Ghajini.
hilarious sirjee!
Ronak,
Your name reminds me of the Surya Bulbs TV ads.
Evil Twin,
Anand Ramachandran is looking for you.
Krish,
You didn't say 'what an idea sirjee'.
Vinod,
In Ghajini Aamir has memory problems.Zardari and Sharif are sleeping very well because they forget everything.They also have Memory problems.
Rakesh- Saw Hindi Ghajini.Wanted to see Tamil version but DVD was unavailable with DVD shop guy so got Hindi Ghajini dubbed into Tamil by Tamil Ghajini actors.
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