Thursday, May 15, 2008

Dude, I Was In The U.K

I believe in the philosophy of positive reaffirmation. There are times in my life when I need others to realize how important I am to this planet more so to this country. That’s when I pull cheap stunts and disappear for sometime.

I did that a few days ago when I had a few of my servants pack my bags so that I could go somewhere, I told people that it was to relax and get some time off but in reality it was to observe the pandemonium that follows in the markets when they realize I’m not there anymore. Sure enough it happened.

The Sensex kept sliding, it slid, and then it slid more and then slid even more. I was laughing my fat ass off from England at all the useless things the mall rats of the Bombay Stock Exchange were trying to do. My plan was to go to the U.K, turn my mobile off and watch people on Dalal Street pull their hair from the roots of their scalps.

My good friend Gordy Brown allowed me the privileged access of looking at these jokers from really expensive satellites up in space. That’s how I knew they were bungling up. When I returned to India, They prostrated themselves at the foot of my door and begged me to restore the Sensex. I told them I’d do it but only to give them a false sense of security .Luring them out of their shells allows me to take advantage of their novice trading skills.

The market will eventually go up and when it does, they will all thank me for ‘cutting short’ my U.K trip and saving the Sensex. Till it happens I can easily brow beat the bush and say things like inflation and credit crunch to explain why it isn’t rising as yet all the while buying the shares they sell at cheap rates.

It’s a concept that works. Sometimes like this time a really fast emerging industrial house like Autoline approaches me and begs me not to take off like this. They even give me a large stake in their company as payment to keep me cemented here.

This is always a good thing because I get richer. People realize that I hold a stake in a company and emulate me by buying shares of that company thus ensuring the price of that company goes up in time. When the stock prices eventually rise they make money in thousands while I do so in millions and then I get free stuff from them in the form of fruit baskets and crap like that because they feel it was me who got them a profit. It’s their way of thanking me.

In reality it was them who got me a HUGE profits but as long as I can keep them thinking that they became richer because of me, my job is done.

In all I made a shit load of cash the past week while others where losing theirs, I enjoyed tea with Gordy and when I came back I was treated like a God.

It’s positive reaffirmation 101 at its best.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...