Sunday, May 18, 2008

Shiva’s Army , The Oil Bonds And Halwa

So Shiva’s army is at it again. I truly admire these guys. They are THE EXPERTS in the magnificent art of creating a problem when none exists and then taking credit for solving that which they created in the first place. While I do this in a small capacity, these dudes do it at a national, international and planetary level. They recently got an ISO 78665543562646746:54:9807/45#2.987certification in causing chaos and disruption.

I was sitting on the topmost floor of the Bombay Stock Exchange and spitting on human beings below. I had nothing else to do. When I’m bored I entertain myself this way. It’s either this or going home and listening to the wife.

Suddenly, Lord Shiva’s army showed up .Those dudes were pissed at the fact that 60 years after independence we still call the stock exchange as the Bombay Stock Exchange instead of The Mumbai Stock Exchange. I tried to understand this in detail. Listening to stuff from the 32nd floor littered with the urine of really nervous brokers can be trifling.

The root of their problem was simple. Start replacing everything that contained the word Bombay with Mumbai. That included my joint-The Stock Exchange, the Sensex and even the delicious Bombay Halwa.They can change the name of the Sensex and the stock exchange into anything they like.Heck-they could even call it a latrine if they wanted to as long as it still deals in shares but no one and I mean absolutely no one changes the name of the Bombay Halwa into the Mumbai Halwa.

That’s just a damn travesty of justice. I wasn’t going to put up with it.

That’s when I started marching down .Unluckily the power was off so I had to take the stairs. The journey from floor 32 to floor 31 made me sweat like a hound dog so I just sat down at the landing of floor 31 nearly dying of dehydration.

I decided to use my telepathic powers.Yes, I have magical powers. That’s why I’m so damn successful at what I do. I get into the heads of all the CEO’s and know their plans before they do.

Anyway, I telepathically entered the mind of the leader of Shiva’s army, a dude called Orange Guy. He was thinking of really hot chicks just like me. My appreciation of his wonderful establishment grew but I was still pissed that he wanted to change the Bombay Halwa’s name to the Mumbai Halwa.

I gathered the various bits of information that were floating in his head. Slowly I pieced them together and that’s when I realized the truth.

My favorite intellectual moron-the hon-her-able P.C aka Finance Minister guy is planning on issuing oil bonds to compensate for the losses borne by people who trade in that oil stuff. My only use of crude oil is to clean my ears.

Orange Guy also needs oil to clean his ears but at the current prices, Crude oil is expensive as hell. That’s why he too wanted oil bonds so that he can sell them and buy oil to clean his ears. P.C was refusing to give him those bonds.

Thus he had gone through the trouble of raising hell at the stock exchange. If he couldn’t have his bonds P.C couldn’t have his booming Sensex. That’s why his army was down there.

I picked up the phone and dialed P.C’s number, gave him a firing and asked him to give the Orange Guy a few oil bonds. Things quietened in a few minutes but I still stayed in the Orange Guy’s head looking at all the hot chicks.

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