Saturday, May 31, 2008

The Telecom Guys Can’t STOP Bugging Me

When I say things, the things I say become sayings. That’s how great I am.

Ever since I broke the MTN Bharti Hairtel partnership with the power of my belly dance I’ve been happy. The general principle of hypocrisy allows me to tell people how sorry I am that the partnership broke up while secretly I admire the precision with which I made it happen.

I was hoping that my grey cells wouldn’t have to delve into the land of telecom for the next few weeks but irritating things, especially things that irritate me find some way of bugging me.

One of the things that bugs me about people is the fact that they like to ‘THINK’. Thinking is not only overrated, it’s useless in case of ordinary people. I am one who falls into the category of the un-ordinary. What makes me cool is that I think not only for myself but for others as well. I do this better than anyone else that’s why I’m so friggin rich.

One person who as of late wants to think for himself is the CEO of Vodafone-Arun Sarin.

Arun Sarin’s greatest achievement in the eyes of ordinary people was to enter the Indian market and start the royal ass kicking of Hairtel and others since. What people don’t know is that Arun was merely a puppet in the hands of the real brain. A close friend of mine-Hutchinson.D.Pug.

Ordinary people are unable to understand that even a dog can run a company. Guys like me spread the word that “India Is an Emerging Market” and “It Has Potential”, etc.People don’t realize that these are just newer ways for me to make more dough off the Sensex.

So all of a sudden when Arun Sarin started asserting his right and declared he no longer wanted to be Hutchinson’s bitch, I’ve been in a tizzy.

Arun Sarin is a birdbrain who is extremely easy to manipulate. He is however of no use when he decides to do the things he wants. His job is to do the things we want. It’s a law of the world. He should have realized that by now.

It was then that Hutchinson called me up and asked me for advice and being a staunch upholder of the capitalist theory I told him to fire Arun Sarin and now he’s gone.

But for the past few days Arun has been walking around saying he quit the company. I can understand why he would do that. Telling people he got fired by a dog especially one that stalks little girls is a sign of weakness and insanity.

We are however not worried simply because there are thousand if not millions if not billions out there ready to worship the ground we walk on. It’s really simple for me to find someone else to work under the notorious guidance of Hutchinson.D.Pug.

I will spend the next few days looking for Arun’s successor. I’ll look through the yellow pages, the classifieds and the mental asylums of the world.

Oh wait!-there is a place that creates a ready supply of morons that Hutchinson and I can Abuse, House Train and Humiliate.

It’s called the IIM.

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