Saturday, May 3, 2008

Hutchinson.D.Pug And The Flying Babies

Mini-j has been worried of late, he’s unhappy that the Hungama deal isn’t working out. I really don’t care because as I already said it’s up to that shrimp to make the deal work. If it does I take the credit, if not I blame him for everything bad that’s ever happened in my life.

But since it’s my cash that’s involved anyway I decided to use my position to find newer ways of making Mini-j’s life a living hell. I was Strolling on a nearby lane to increase blood flow to my brain thus increasing the chances of receiving newer ideas and at the same time regulating my insulin levels since I have Diabetes( That’s my version of multi tasking) when I suddenly got hit in the face by something hard and soft at the same time.

It was Hutchinson.D.Pug known to many as that irritating little punching bag with a tail that follows around a child in one of those Vodafone Ad’s. People think that Arun Sarin is the CEO of Vodafone not realizing that title actually stands for CLEARLY ECCENTRIC ORGANISM. The real boss of that joint is actually Hutchinson.D.Pug. It was time to confront him.

Me: So why are you running around a girl this time in the new Vodafone ad?

Hutchinson: I’m not running around her, I’m running behind her. You would also have noticed that the theme of the ad is to provide better customer care. Our company’s call reception is so bad that we get more complaints at our call centre than anyone else; there was no other choice than to advertise the one defining feature of our company.

Me: Cordial and polite customer executives?

Hutchinson: Hell no, our inescapable prison of voice generated interactive menus that keep people trapped to our lines for hours. A prison that they get into when they call our centers to complain about our poor call and telephony services. That’s how we make our cash and that’s why we’re the #1 mobile company in the world.

Me: You son of a bitch! You’re ingenious but why do you appear in your own ads.

Hutchinson: Cost cutting measures + people think I’m cute. However, I’m seriously considering quitting appearing in my own ads. The other dogs think I’m gay, the way I follow that little girl around.

Me: Mini-j isn’t doing too much with my stake in Hungama Mobile. The stock prices need to go up. He dwells on the problems plaguing the company instead of finding ways to make money out of the problems like you’ve done.

Hutchinson: There’s a reason for that

Me: What?

Hutchinson: A few days ago he was taking a dump in the desert when he got hit by a flying baby. These weirdos believe that if you throw a baby from the fifth floor of a really tall building, good things will happen. Basically, another myth I propagated to dupe dumbos. So when they threw a baby down it bounced of the trampoline hitting Mini-j in the head causing a couple of screws to become loose thus hampering his abilities to exploit bad services provided by Hungama Mobile.

Me: How do you know all this?

Hutchinson: I saw it with my own eyes. I was peeing on a cactus plant nearby.

Me: How can I fix this?

Hutchinson: Simply have his head pelted by another flying baby. That’ll set his screws right.

Me: How do I repay you for the valuable advice you’ve given me.

Hutchinson: Give me a few ways to torment Arun Sarin and the Essar group the way you trouble Mini-j.

Me: Done and Done.”

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