Recently I heard that the younger Ambani Ha-Nil was at the Cannes Film Festival. Usually it’s written as the Cannes Film Festival but due to the overwhelming display of breast cleavage by the amount of scantily clad women walking on the red carpet and overweight directors, it’s been renamed as the Cans Film Festival.
The organizers of this once in a year event make a big deal about this festival. They showcase a million movies no one in their sane mind would have ever heard of and will ever watch. I fail to understand how Harrison Ford whose last big hit was in 1975 with that nerd George Lucas in Star Wars can still play an “action” hero in Indiana Jones and can get so much attention at Cans.
Ha-Nil whose surname I replace with Ham-Bani for his various meat fetishes is dissatisfied with the state of the current Indian film industry. Apparently, Hindi movie titles aren’t as long and confusing as before and having understood his failure in persuading movie producers to make the titles longer, he has given up.
More importantly Ham-Bani hates the fact that all these stick sized heroines who act in Hindi movies even though they don’t know Hindi refuse to take off their clothes on screen .Even after multiple assurances from him that every possible wart, pimple and yeast infection will be digitally removed they simply refuse to do it. Ha-Nil has realized that nobody watches the shit that some movie makers make. People like hot chicks getting hotter by taking their clothes off.
This principle is something I totally endorse, In fact if a chick is hot she shouldn’t be allowed to wear clothes on screen .There should be a ban on hot chicks wearing clothes in films.
But Ham-Bani is extremely clever and that’s why he went to Cans. There he met up with all the hot chicks in Hollywood. Everyone from Angelina Jolie to Scarlett Johansson. He promised them that he’d pay them a shit load of cash to walk around on screen only in their undies.Some said they’d even take that off. That made me and Ham-Bani very happy.
That’s when he made a smart move and announced in front of the world at the Cans Film Festival that his entertainment company ‘Reliance Big Entertainment Limited’ would invest about $3 billion dollars in Hollywood movies. He then made a complicated speech in front of all the other useless people at Cans and said things like “An Indian company ……..Globalization…….Pleasure of the movie goers………Big studios”
All I heard was “Hot chicks……Nude……On my screen and DVD player”
I had of course heard all this earlier but I believe in counting stuff after them……or however that saying goes. I also heard that George Clooney was signed by Ham-Bani’s company. Little does Georgy know that it’s only to overwork him till he falls down dead. Ham-Bani and I hate that guy coz all the chicks drool over him.
I hate him personally because he makes me look fat. I have to workout regularly now. Before I saw him my only exercise was to do Butt Crunches on the toilet seat.