Wednesday, June 11, 2008

The Falling Sensex,Sex Changing Bainsla And Castro

The past few days have been difficult for me. Normally I don’t get flustered that easily. A sign of fluster-ation is the inadvertent swelling of my cheeks. They look like as though someone has surgically implanted a bright red tomato in them.

Now, the markets have been falling like crazy over the past few days. First a 100 points, then 200, then 300, then etc.I don’t get surprised if they fall simply because I know when they usually fall. I’m a market insider. So much of an insider that sometimes when the wife kicks me out at night I hop over to Dalal Street and sleep on the floor of the trading room. There I fiddle with the complicated instruments of all these broker guys.

When they arrive in the morning, they get flustered much like me. I enjoy their misery.So when the Sensex started to dip downwards, I got worried. I wanted to find out the reason why this CALAMITY was happening. Was it those damn honey sucking bears. The impoverished crappy financial policies of the lungi wearing Chidambaram or most likely some sort of an alien invasion?

Further investigation revealed the nexus behind this devilish plan. A joint partnership between that clown faced, garlic eating, green wearing, hair gel obsessed, third rate Santa Claus lookalike and a Bloody Communist-the ex president of Cuba –Fidel Castro and some loose character called Bainsla.

Fidel is a rebel. He revolutionized Cuba. But I’m also a rebel. Sometimes I rebel against society by combing my hair in another direction. That’s how rebellious I am. It’s really easy to revolutionize a country but to comb one’s hair another way-now that’s real badass.

The other name in this cruel partnership is the latest product from the IIT.Not the Indian Institute of Technology; rather the Indian Institute of Troublemakers. This dude has been wandering the streets of Rajasthan with his so called Gujjar brothers asking for reservation.

Now this guy comes from the army and is supposed to be a Colonel. My sources reveal to me that the only thing he ever did was to cook food for the real army men. An army that isn’t built on reservation.

So when I started to wonder how a guy who had worked in the army his whole life suddenly wanted reservation.I realized the truth. He had gender issues. He was sick of being stuck up in a man’s body. He wanted to be a chick.

He wanted a sex change operation. The story moved my heart. A tear fell down from my left eye.

This dude had no money to perform a sex change operation. That’s why he asked the Rajasthan government to pay for it. The government kept refusing. Finally he got pissed off and started to hold the country hostage. He called all his friends and took out trains and buses and caused a riot.

So what do Fidel and the falling Sensex have to do with this. Well Fidel recently promised free sex change operations to anyone in Cuba. Now the Rajasthan government wants to take advantage of this. They are making arrangements to send the turbaned Bainsla there because they can’t go around telling the country they paid for the sex change operation.

Now the government needs money for this. They are withdrawing it from the sensex.It’s to secretly fund Bainsla and everyone who is a dude but no longer wants to be one.

I keep shouting my head off on Dalal Street telling everyone the real truth behind the falling Sensex.It’s because of Castro, Bainsla and his damn Sex Change Operation.

Why won’t anyone believe me?

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