Sunday, June 15, 2008

Neeraj And Mini-j 's Day out

At 1 am in the morning I dragged mini-j out of his bed. The poor fellow was still in his knickers and a green colored loin cloth. Ever since the flying baby disaster he had been acting like a little prick. Being the so called whiz kid that he is, he’s supposed to find newer ways of making money for me. I didn’t poach him from Accenture just so that he could sit all day long scratching his worm infested stomach watching Euro 2008.

Earlier in the day I had borrowed my servant’s wife’s baby. I carefully lined the baby up with Telebrands’ latest product “The Baby Launcher” and pelted mini-j’s head with it. Soon he was all right and making sense using sentences like “Diversifying Our Goals” and “Expanding Elsewhere” and all the crappy technical jargon they teach at the IIT and the IIM.

He arrived at my office smelling of jasmine perfume and started babbling on about things I didn’t even want to hear about. More technical jargon like “Goals That Need To Be Diversified” and “Elsewhere Something Needs To Be Expanded” .The only thing I paid attention to were the pie charts simply because I was reminded of pies but then again I remembered that I have diabetes, if the wife sees me eating sugary things then she’ll force me to grind the grass growing on my lawn, mix it with salt and eat it all alone.

That’s when I had enough. I called into my room the other pea-brain that works for me. A Neeraj Roy who I like to call Neeraj Roy. I assigned mini-j and Neeraj the task of going to the Renaissance hotel. The Renaissance is where foreigners who want to holiday come.

Sometimes an MD or CEO who has major health problems is told to come to India and “relax”.

I really don’t know what they mean by “relax”. Apparently the foreigner’s brain is enthralled at the prospect of beggars and hawkers, dirty streets and spitting men not to mention the street mongrel carrying a packet of food in his mouth every hour on the hour. It’s a chance for them to study the “unique” culture of India. The dumb shits.

Their task was to get these dudes excited about Hungama mobile. Hungama is a company I own. I invested money in it. Its sole purpose is to show pictures of Hindi film heroines especially those that can’t speak Hindi in very few clothing. I used my tremendous foresight a while ago before investing in Hungama because I saw promise in this market. The amount of money I make is inversely proportional to the amount of clothes the heroine wears.

Basic business principle; Scantily clad sexy women = money.

Neeraj and mini-j did a tremendous job convincing these idiots to invest in my company. They were “fascinated by the sound business principles the chairman (me) propagated”. I know they too wanted to look at pictures of Hindi film heroines.

So at the end of the day Neeraj and mini-j managed to convince these guys to invest in Hungama mobile. I will use the investment to take more pictures of heroines.

Finally Mini-j did something right, Thanks to Telebrands’ “Baby Launcher”.

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