Tuesday, October 7, 2008

It Was The Communists,They Got Rid Of The Nano

Now that the Nano has moved and will be delayed, some people are extremely distressed. Especially Batman who had approached Tata Motors to manufacture a Nano version of his Bat Mobile. The high cost of petrol had forced him to look for cheaper alternatives. Since he couldn’t persuade Amma and Behenji to wage a feminist war on his behalf against Didi, he took a drastic step: He Tried to Commit SUICIDE.

Batman has lost all his money since he had invested it with Lehman Brothers. He isn’t able to catch criminals with the same frequency as before because hard working law enforcement agencies like the NOIDA police catch them first. This has resulted in him losing his job. Now that he’ll have to pay more for petrol without the Nano he’ll be bankrupt. No wonder he tried to jump of a building and kill himself.

But I like to help people. I realized that Batman needs psychiatric help. So I managed to convince him not to jump and thus saved his life. I have also placed him under the care of the same doctor who is trying to help Andrew Symonds realize that 'if you have a monkey problem, don’t go fishing'. I am confident that Batman will recover.

But Symonds’ problem is far more complicated. As an Australian he uses the ineffective Australian method of fishing which leads him to catch as few fish as possible. Indians don’t fish like Australians which is why we never miss meetings on how to beat Bangladesh. The secret of our success is the use of FEVIKWIK to catch our fish while Australians do other things like drink beer and say ‘mate’.

People are surprised that the Nano is out of Bengal but I’m not. The Nano was always going to move from Bengal because a state run by the tribe of communists would never invest in cars.

Communists follow a very different investment strategy. While people like me invest in equity, the communists invest in weed and marijuana. The communists believe that there is a demand for this product especially with young Indians .Many of the communists had invested in the weed recovered from the recent busted rave party at Mumbai.

So when Ratan Tata had gone and asked Buddha for land to develop the Nano ‘PLANT’; the communists didn’t think it was for an automobile plant but rather this plant.

It was only when they realized that the ‘plant’ was for a car and not the weed that they decided to somehow get rid of the Tatas because after all they had to stick to their investment philosophy. Investing in weed is organic, not nuclear.

They pretended to support the Tatas for some time till they figured out some way to get rid of them and soon they roped in the services of Didi Mamata Banerjee who is a professional in creating problems. By outsourcing their riot related work they have saved a ton of money on relocating the Nano. Meanwhile Ratan Tata simply took the Nano and went to Gujarat.

But if the communists think they can use Singur to grow weed then they’re wrong. As someone who hates the communists I made sure that any and all weed grown would never ever be smoked. People are still wondering who put so much pressure on Anbumani Ramadoss to pass the No Smoking Ban.

And as for Didi now that Dada isn’t going to play cricket after sometime, maybe he’ll finally shut her up.

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