Saturday, October 11, 2008

Where's My Award NDTV?

First it was Forbes Magazine and now it’s NDTV. Why do people not give me awards? It’s a conspiracy that needs to be investigated at the highest level because I don’t like being ignored.

NDTV Profit business channel recently held their ‘Business Leadership Awards’ or as I like to call it: NDTV’s annual exercise in kissing asses of India’s richest men. Now I’m okay with anyone kissing anyone else’s ass as long as they kiss mine also.

NDTV gave awards to:

A.)Sunil Mental from Hair-Tel which ensures them and their staff a free lifetime supply of magnetic hair raising SIM cards with A.R Rahman’s complementary mobile ringtone.

B.)Muk-hays Ambani -because he found gas where no one else dared to look. Not in public toilets but the Bay of Bengal. Now NDTV gets free gas.

C.)Punj Lloyd-A company I made famous because I invested in it even before NDTV had heard of it.

D.)Lalu Yadav- Now NDTV gets free Railway tickets.

NDTV needs to give me an award also. I’m a leader and a businessman and I have my own ship making me eligible for a Business Leadership Award.

Aamir khan does not act for awards. Similarly I don’t invest for awards though I would like to say that I have been winning SEBI’s ‘Investor of the Year’ award right from 1984.I have won in both the Popular Choice and Critics Choice categories. It shows that I’m a comprehensive investor.

Ignoring the biggest bull in the Indian market is a bad sign for the Indian economy. No wonder the Sensex keeps tanking everyday.

NDTV has a bad habit of pissing me off. They call me on their shows but never let me finish saying what I want.Prannoy Toy keeps cutting me off and my screen time .So what if I speak for 20 minutes at a stretch and don’t let others talk?

They need to realize that at the current market rate I can easily swoop in and buy all the NDTV stock on the Sensex thereby giving myself control of the company. That will make me the most respected Investor-O-Gative Journalist in the world. I will be the only man who can have myself as a market expert and ask myself why I bought a particular stock on TV when I host a stock analysis show.

The only reason I haven’t yet taken over NDTV is because I respect their attitude towards women.NDTV is a strong woman empowerment organization. They support the feminist movement and hire women journalists to men in the ratio of 1000:1.

I appreciate the fact that a company can provide employment to women who are thin, have an extremely smiley face, an adequate waist line and the willingness to not bear children till their well into their 40’s.

Prannoy Toy hosted this show with the Hon-Her-Able P.Chidambaram who won the award for the ‘Finance Minister of the Year’. Now the minister is NOT going to Washington where George Bush and company will try to solicit 700 billion dollars from him.

George says there’s a liquidity problem. He only needs to give people the liquid they want.

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