Since I am a famous man who is also rich and is famous for being rich I get invited a lot to give speeches and presentations. I go to these things because I get some free publicity and invariably after every speech and presentation I get to hear people who are less smarter than me clap at the things I just said.
Yesterday I gave a presentation at IIT Bombay (read Mumbai if you’re Raj Thackeray or Orange Guy).IIT Bombay organizes these cultural festivals which are supposed to ‘enlighten and empower’ their young students. I give presentations at IIT Bombay because many of their students are convinced that I am a ‘revolutionary leader’ and a ‘brilliant mind’ which I am but if they think that then it makes it easier for me to hire them to work for me at lower salaries.
So I gave a presentation on the global financial turmoil at IIT Bombay’s AVENUES cultural festival. I used Microsoft PowerPoint to show my slides because I am powerful and I need to make a point. As the slides changed I drank coke. I used big terms like ‘regulation’ , ‘liquidity’ ,’growth’,’ bull run’ and ‘India story’.
The students of IIT Bombay clapped and gave me a standing ovation. Pleased with this, I decided to answer a few questions.
Q: Sir, do you think that the US bailing out its banks with 700 billion dollars and the RBI bailing out Indian mutual funds with 20,000 Crore is a good thing?
A: It is a wonderful act of human kindness. People with very little money will part with whatever little they have left by paying higher taxes in order to provide rich people with 700 billion dollars and 20,000 crores. Such acts of selflessness should be rewarded with a free Colgate Toothbrush.
Q: How will you avoid paying higher taxes?
A: I have registered myself as a farmer under the Farm Loan Waiver Scheme. I do not have to pay any taxes or loans. In fact I can legally charge the government to pay me tax or repay any loans I have or will take.
Q: Do you think that India’s expensive moon mission ‘Chandrayaan’ has caused high inflation?
A: I fail to understand why the government wants to spend billions of dollars to study the moon’s surface. My research shows me that the moon’s surface is filled with potholes and craters. Such potholes and craters can be studied on many Indian roads which are naturally endowed with potholes and craters.
Q: Are you planning to invest in Sri Lanka?
A: Yes, I have been mightily impressed with the Colombo stock exchange. I have full faith that my investments in Sri Lanka will be safe. If the value of my investment starts to drop I can always appeal to the DMK because it is the only party willing to bring down the Indian government at the cost of saving Sri Lanka.
Q: Which industry do you see as the next big thing in India?
A: The mining industry IS going to be the next big thing because companies will be manufacturing specialized equipment to rescue children who have fallen into deep trenches, holes and bore wells.
Q: What do you think of Himesh Reshammiya?
A: That guy is a genius. People don’t realize their watching the exact same movie as he acted in was made 30 years earlier and is now available on DVD for a third of the price of the movie ticket + he sings through his nose and adds extra letters to his film titles. I’m off to watch his latest film. Bye!