Tuesday, October 28, 2008

What Did I Do This Diwali?

Like a spiritual guru, on Diwali day I grant Darshan to stock brokers. All of them say nice things to me and ask me for advice. After getting a doctorate from the University Of Lakshadweep I will be known as Dr. Jhunjhunwala and considering my spiritual credentials I will be known as Sri Sri Jhunjhunwala. Therefore I will be boldly known as Sri Sri Dr.Dr.Jhunjhunwala.

Over the Diwali weekend I met Priyanka Chopra on UTVi. UTVi needed a show to bolster their TV ratings and who else can boost ratings apart from me. Priyanka is irrelevant. The basic idea was for me to pretend that I am interested in Priyanka’s life and thus ask her questions about her life while she being genuinely interested in my life tried to get some free market advice…THE SKANK.

That girl didn’t even let me speak. The ratio of words spoken by her compared to words spoken by me were 29098809787797767769068775355153401:2 and the ratio of times she adjusted her hair compared to the times I adjusted my hair was 98965876674587253433333333333543541.35 x 56 :0.

Maybe I could have tortured her by making her watch LoveStory 2050 but I’m a good man. Priyanka acted in that film with Harman Baweja because he has 6 pack abs. Most men would be intimidated by him, not me. He may have 6 pack abs but I have 6 pack fat. I can crush him between my fingers.

After the interview I went to the BSE’s Muhurat trading session. I was forced to wear a ridiculous Sherwani.However the Diwali Muhurat session of the BSE always gives me the chance to indulge in eating free sweets paid for by SEBI.My wife had appointed spies to make sure that I don’t eat too many sweets. She’s worried about my diabetes, such a good woman. My own spies said that 1 of the spies was a guy named VESTOR who is currently in hiding. I shall soon find out about VESTOR from people who know about him. People like KNOW VESTOR.

Then I had to do another TV show with CNBC TV18.I protested heavily that this show was hosted by Udayan Mukherjee. Only cute chicks like Mitali Mukherjee or Shereen Bahn should interview me. What a step down it is to go from being interviewed by Priyanka Chopra to that dork Udayan.

It was some sort of an analysis show.CNBC had also invited Shankar Sharma .He was there as Udayan’s bodyguard because Udayan is scared of me. I debated with Shankar Sharma and Samir Arora of some capital company for 40 minutes, then collected my appearance fee and went home.

At least it was good that I sat in the studio with Shankar Sharma and not his wife Devina Mehra whose only objective in life seems to be to contradict whatever I say but I’m not the one who uses center shock chewing gum to style my hair. I call her Crazy Kung-Fu Hair Lady.

I’ve lost over 50% of my portfolio in the past 6 months but I’m still rich enough to be interviewed by Priyanka Chopra. So suck on that Technical Analysts, Samir Arora, Shankar Sharma, Ambareesh Baliga & Ashwani Gujral.

Even in a Bear Market, I’m King.

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