Tuesday, September 16, 2008

NOIDA Police Investigates 'Black Monday'

A 2 minute silence must first be observed in honor of the Lehman Brothers Henry, Mayer & Emanuel. Congratulations must also be given to the excellent Board Of Directors of this now bankrupt company for giving the rest of the world a lesson in destroying a perfectly good business and filing a bankruptcy of epic proportions and ensuing a fiasco across every market in the world.

The media monkeys called yesterday a ‘Black Monday ’ which would by default make today a ‘Terrible Tuesday’ and tomorrow a ‘Weak Wednesday’. Thursday should be ‘Torturous Thursday’ and Friday should be ‘Manic Friday’. Now I’m seriously confused .Our media monkeys use these terms only when there is a BOMB BLAST somewhere and not when there is a STOCK MARKET CRASH.

When there is a stock market crash on Monday, the benevolent Indian media uses the term ‘Manic Monday ’ not ‘Black Monday ’. ‘Black’ is used to denote bomb blasts on Mondays and ‘Manic’ for stock market crashes on Mondays.

Now if they’ve used the term ‘Black Monday’ it can mean only one thing : Yesterday’s market crash and today’s drubbing of the Sensex has been caused by a bomb blast in New York which sent their shares to tank, Lehman Brothers to close and every other market in the world to drop.

All this crap about Lehman being a victim of the sub-prime crisis is nonsense. They just don’t want to admit that it was a terrorist bombing at Wall Street that caused this bloody mess.

So I’ve decided to expose the truth myself. Without wasting any time I‘ve already hired the best investigative agency in the world .The men responsible for the path breaking criminal investigation of the Aarushi Talwar murder case: The NOIDA Police Force.

The NOIDA police force has already told me that after intensive investigation they have reached the conclusion that this bomb blast is based on the bomb blasts which occurred this past Saturday in Delhi. They have arrived at this conclusion based on the fact that both events had bombs and they blasted leading to bomb blasts.

Crucial leads have also been obtained from high ranking state officials like the hon-her-able Home Minister Shivraj Patil and Gujarat’s CM Narendra Modi. These 2 guys have been telling the media that they knew that these blasts were about to take place beforehand.

Based on all the data collected the NOIDA police have made their first arrest. A high ranking member of the terror group called the Indian Cat Mujahideen.They have arrested the chief of this organization called CAT-UL-HASAN .CAT-UL –HASAN has a bad habit of sending e-mails to the media describing his actions. It was this action of his that led to his arrest by the NOIDA police. They even captured his arrest in a camera.

Some of CAT-UL-HASAN’s accomplices have escaped but the NOIDA police are sure that someone in the public will be able to identify them. To speed up this process they even released a computer generated image of one suspect who according to them looks like this:

The formal declaration of all these arrests will be made in a press conference by Mr. Singh who is the best person to hold press conferences in the NOIDA police department.

In future the NOIDA police plan to arrest more people, and then re-arrest them, and then let them go out on bail and finally transfer the case to the CBI; BUT NOT TO WORRY; this is just a plan to capture the entire terrorist organization behind this current financial situation.

Even the RBI takes advice from the NOIDA police. I still can’t understand why everyone calls them a bunch of sloppy, hopeless, useless, lazy, fat bastards because if there’s anyone that can solve the current financial problem, it’s the NOIDA police.

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