The Economy Is Screwed,Give Me 700 Billion Dollars,No Seriously!

The word BAILOUT has different meanings in different countries. In India BAILOUT is a political term. It indicates that a criminal who is also a politician has been successful in getting BAIL so that he can be kept OUT of jail to serve the people.

In America BAILOUT is a financial term. It indicates that people who are experts in losing money will be given more money so that they can continue to lose it. A BAILOUT is currently underway in the United States.

Supposedly this bailout will rescue the markets of the world. Now I know that this is a bunch of good old fashioned BULLSHIT because there is no chance in hell the Americans would ever readily give away 700 Billion Dollars.

It’s a scam people, a scam endorsed by George Bush to trick America and the World into giving America more money.

It started way back in February this year. In order to start another war somewhere in the world American politicians decided to create something called the ‘Subprime Credit Crisis’. It was supposed to be a fake crisis that would lead people to believe that there was actually a real economic crisis. American politicians and bankers started telling people that there was a shortage of money in the world.

They then used that excuse to kick people out of their homes. After this experiment worked they then took it to their stock market. Every trader and stock marketer started to believe that there was a crisis. They started to panic and began running around like a bunch of headless chickens with a loose motion problem.

Journalists and the Media Monkeys thought it was funny so they started to cover the running of the headless chickens and gave it a name ‘The Great Economic Crisis’. Now the Americans have managed to create the biggest hoax in modern history. They’ve sent the world economy into shock simply by telling people that there is actually a problem when there is none!

A smart investor like me would never fall for such a dirty trick. It’s another attempt by Forbes magazine and America to take away my money.

Now apparently George Bush and his staff are ready with an ‘emergency’ plan to pump in 700 Billion Dollars so that everything can be fine. Since this is a real solution to a fake crisis it needs to be acted out with precision.

Democratic and Republican Americans will sit behind closed doors pretending to come up with ways to provide 700 Billion Dollars. In reality they’ll just watch cartoons and drink beer. After two hours behind closed doors they’ll emerge and indicate that they have a solution in sight.

After keeping up this drama for a few days, the President will state that they have agreed to inject 700 Billion Dollars to save the economy.

American people will be forced to pay more taxes in order to make up all this money. The start of this problem saw them lose their houses. The solution to this problem will be to take away whatever little money they have left.

All the collected money will be stored in the Lehman Brothers building.

Thank God I’m not an American. In India we never conduct scams like this. We are honest.

Mera Bharat Mahaan.

NOIDA Police Investigates 'Black Monday'

A 2 minute silence must first be observed in honor of the Lehman Brothers Henry, Mayer & Emanuel. Congratulations must also be given to the excellent Board Of Directors of this now bankrupt company for giving the rest of the world a lesson in destroying a perfectly good business and filing a bankruptcy of epic proportions and ensuing a fiasco across every market in the world.

The media monkeys called yesterday a ‘Black Monday ’ which would by default make today a ‘Terrible Tuesday’ and tomorrow a ‘Weak Wednesday’. Thursday should be ‘Torturous Thursday’ and Friday should be ‘Manic Friday’. Now I’m seriously confused .Our media monkeys use these terms only when there is a BOMB BLAST somewhere and not when there is a STOCK MARKET CRASH.

When there is a stock market crash on Monday, the benevolent Indian media uses the term ‘Manic Monday ’ not ‘Black Monday ’. ‘Black’ is used to denote bomb blasts on Mondays and ‘Manic’ for stock market crashes on Mondays.

Now if they’ve used the term ‘Black Monday’ it can mean only one thing : Yesterday’s market crash and today’s drubbing of the Sensex has been caused by a bomb blast in New York which sent their shares to tank, Lehman Brothers to close and every other market in the world to drop.

All this crap about Lehman being a victim of the sub-prime crisis is nonsense. They just don’t want to admit that it was a terrorist bombing at Wall Street that caused this bloody mess.

So I’ve decided to expose the truth myself. Without wasting any time I‘ve already hired the best investigative agency in the world .The men responsible for the path breaking criminal investigation of the Aarushi Talwar murder case: The NOIDA Police Force.

The NOIDA police force has already told me that after intensive investigation they have reached the conclusion that this bomb blast is based on the bomb blasts which occurred this past Saturday in Delhi. They have arrived at this conclusion based on the fact that both events had bombs and they blasted leading to bomb blasts.

Crucial leads have also been obtained from high ranking state officials like the hon-her-able Home Minister Shivraj Patil and Gujarat’s CM Narendra Modi. These 2 guys have been telling the media that they knew that these blasts were about to take place beforehand.

Based on all the data collected the NOIDA police have made their first arrest. A high ranking member of the terror group called the Indian Cat Mujahideen.They have arrested the chief of this organization called CAT-UL-HASAN .CAT-UL –HASAN has a bad habit of sending e-mails to the media describing his actions. It was this action of his that led to his arrest by the NOIDA police. They even captured his arrest in a camera.

Some of CAT-UL-HASAN’s accomplices have escaped but the NOIDA police are sure that someone in the public will be able to identify them. To speed up this process they even released a computer generated image of one suspect who according to them looks like this:

The formal declaration of all these arrests will be made in a press conference by Mr. Singh who is the best person to hold press conferences in the NOIDA police department.

In future the NOIDA police plan to arrest more people, and then re-arrest them, and then let them go out on bail and finally transfer the case to the CBI; BUT NOT TO WORRY; this is just a plan to capture the entire terrorist organization behind this current financial situation.

Even the RBI takes advice from the NOIDA police. I still can’t understand why everyone calls them a bunch of sloppy, hopeless, useless, lazy, fat bastards because if there’s anyone that can solve the current financial problem, it’s the NOIDA police.

Sub-Prime Woes in the USA

Well the sub-prime mess in the US is affecting India but it’s not rationale. Only 2% of all home purchases in India are funded with a mortgage so what’s the problem folks? I don’t think India needs to pay for the US sub-prime mess and it should not be reflected in our stocks. Those obnoxious speculators need panic situations to make money selling short and are creating it worldwide. Repeat after me – there is no connection between sub-prime rich US and non-sub-prime India.

Spreading panic makes these speculating clowns money because as investors sell their short positions make money. These vermin switch to the long side when the panic dies down actually buying the same stock back at a discount to true value. Let the vermin scurry about - I remain a bull as always.

4 Pegasus ARC directors quit today

I noticed the Economic Times picked up a stunning development at Pegasus ARC today. I have been promoting this stock for months now but now it appears to be unraveling due to these four fools. You see Pegasus ARC finds investors who will fund the purchase of bad loans from lenders. I can see the headlines now, "Is Pegasus ARC the Start of the Next Sub-Prime Disaster for India?"

The folks down at the Reserve Bank of India (RBI) may yet regret that Pegasus was the first private asset reconstruction company to be officially licensed. Good thing the stock is not traded or I'd be taking a pounding. I thought for sure we'd take this company public.

I may have to get out while the getting out is good…