Tuesday, September 23, 2008

14 Reasons To Ban This Film

As someone who works closely with the BSE and SEBI, I am forced to recommend ways and means to improve morale of the stock brokers in the Indian markets. The only morale booster I need is the prospect of buying another new company and watch as it’s shares triple or quadruple in value but younger brokers need to be reminded how important it is to buy and sell shares which will by default increase the value of my own shares.

As part of this bogus effort to increase morale, I am often asked to recommend movies that brokers may watch and then increase their morale. I don’t like doing it but the SEBI forces me to.

I don’t have to listen to those jokers but since I get to watch a movie for free, I do so anyway.

I recently saw ‘Saas, Bahu Aur Sensex’ and was lucky to escape with my life. This movie must be banned as it is harmful to the well being of everyone who invests in the stock market. I therefore made the following recommendations to SEBI to ensure that this film is immediately stopped from being screened across India.

1.The film does not follow Indian movie making traditions. All the songs are less than five minutes long.

2.Fardeen Khan, the greatest actor of this generation does not act in this film.

3.There are no Miss Worlds or Miss Universes in this film.Tanushree Dutta does not count as she never won the title.

4.All the heroines speak Hindi instead of someone dubbing it for them.

5.Important details such as what the heroine’s bathroom looks like have been ignored because there isn’t a single scene which shows the heroine bathing in slow motion as a result of which stock brokers cannot anticipate which soap company to invest in.

6.This is an original idea which is a travesty of justice. A Hindi movie which is not based or ‘inspired’ from an English film does not warrant attention.

7.Raj Thackeray and Shiva’s army did not consider this film important enough to deface its posters and cinema halls. This is a shame.

8.Sanjay Leela Bhansali does not direct this film thus eliminating the chance to use Ranbir Kapoor’s butt for promotional purposes as in ‘Saawariya’.

9.The plot does not involve brothers being separated at birth and reunited years later through the ‘Mole on hand/leg/chest’ recognition system.

10.The hero does not have a brain tumor which is removed completely when a bullet fired from the villain’s gun accidentally cuts it.

11.The film was not controversial before its release as the kissing scenes were not objectionable enough to be rejected by the Censor Board.

12.A Saas, Bahu story not produced by Ekkkkta Kkkkapoor deletes the prospect of continuing it till the end of time thereby proving it to be an extreme short term investment.

13.The film is based on women investing in the market which is a dangerous idea as they think that Bulls and Bears are ‘cute’ creatures which must be adorned with jewels and other ornaments.

14.A company called Lehman Brothers went bankrupt after watching this film. Their employees were busy dancing to Indian songs after watching the film instead of working, which as everyone knows is a sure way to destroy a company.

Most importantly, the film does not highlight my achievements in the Sensex.That one reason alone is good enough to ban it.

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