Saturday, September 13, 2008

Arindam Planned And Managed This

If it’s one thing I hate more than an institute that teaches people to MANAGE things like the IIM, it’s an institute that teaches people to PLAN and MANAGE. An institute like this has been around for quite a while in India and is called the IIPM (Indian Institute Of Planning And Management).It is also endorsed by Monty Ahluwalia, the hon-her-able deputy chairman of the Planning Commission.

It’s headed by a fellow called Arindam Chaudhuri who is basically the Paris Hilton of the corporate world. People keep giving him work despite not being sure what he does exactly. Thank God he didn’t at least make a sex tape.

He irritates me to such an extent that the day I see him ,I’m going to yank him by his ridiculously oily ponytail and flush him down the nearest toilet. Oil prices are going up because this loose character uses almost all of it in combing his hair.

Now this guy has gone ahead and started producing movies. His latest movie is one called ‘The Last Lear’ starring Amitabh Bachchan.

No one in their right mind would have ever seen this film, so what does Arindam do?

He tells the Bachchans to piss Raj Thackeray off to such an extent that his MNS goons go ahead and vandalize every poster of this movie.

All this started when Jaya Bachchan insisted on speaking Hindi instead of Marathi at a function. She insisted because at the same function Priyanka Chopra was not sure which language to speak in.Priyanka finally decided to speak in Hindi.Priyanka is also the same person who taught Katrina Kaif and Lara Dutta how to speak in Hindi.

Raj Thackeray was pissed at all this and sent his Marathi army after any medium that showed or endorsed anything connected to the Bachchans. Those guys vented their anger at posters and theatres showing ‘The Last Lear’.

The media considered this to be ‘Breaking News’ and gave it extreme importance.

The result of all this is a massive publicity campaign for this film which no one would have seen but will now see since it is a film considered to be ‘Highly Controversial’ or ‘Breathtaking’ or one that contains ‘Splendid Camera Work’ or ‘Highlights Arjun Rampal’s Charisma As An Actor’. All these are not my views but those endorsed by highly educated film critics.

It’s a brilliant way to bring attention to a movie which would have been a sure fire flop. This method of marketing a film is taught exclusively at the IIPM.Special lectures are delivered on the subject by none other than the oily headed pony tail bearer: Arindam Chaudhuri.

Much of this method is also found in the book authored by Arindam Chaudhuri called ‘Count Your Chickens Before They Hatch’ which is also the most preferred book of poultry farmers worldwide. Its sales almost double whenever there is an epidemic of Bird Flu.

I needed to learn more about this guy so I had Mini-J dig up all the information possible about him. He could only get this information from Arindam’s website which also contains pictures of Arindam describing him as ‘The Management Guru’, ‘The Economist’ and ‘The Philosopher’. These terms were coined by the same film critics mentioned above.

I will add one more term to describe him: ‘The PONYTAILED JACKASS’.

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