Friday, September 19, 2008

People Saw Me On TV Yesterday

Now that the markets of the world are in trouble, my importance has been highlighted even more than before.

I told people a long time ago not to give unnecessary attention to people like Michael Phelps and events like the Olympics. They didn’t listen to me; they ran after him and paraded him around like a hero, especially in the media.

Since markets have been crashing I haven’t heard squat about him .Does anyone know where that fellow is or what he’s doing?

Everyone only wants to know how to avoid getting mauled by the Sensex.The government wants to know ,Nikolas Sarkozy wants to know,Rakhi Sawant wants to know and so do people from abroad. Even CNBC TV18 and NDTV want to know. So I’ve been giving non-stop interviews for the past 2 days enlightening them with my expertise.

CNBC TV18 interviewed me in the morning yesterday. At least those bloody smiley clown faced bubbleheads sent down cute chick Mitali Mukherjee to interview me instead of that irritating pest of a tie wearing Backstreet Boy wannabe, Udayan Mukherjee.

So Mitali asked me some questions with her girlish charms. It’s quite clear to everyone who saw it that she has a huge crush on me. Why wouldn’t she? I’m a sexy beast.

By the use of advanced subtexting and Montynalysis it becomes pretty clear that my statements indicate my ability to tell the truth in such a manner that no one will be able to understand it.

“What is a bear market, what is a bull market?”

Subtext: Unlike me, journalists like you are way too busy figuring out what type of a market we’re in instead of making money in it.

“I don't think the long-term Indian stock bull market has ended”

Subtext: The Indian stock bull market does not end till I, the biggest bull, say so.

“I have made presentations to show in October (2007) that this is going to be an unprecedented fall. And I have reasoned out how much is the lending to subprime, and that this problem cannot be stopped by reducing interest rates.”

Subtext: I told people in October of last year itself that those damn Americans would mess up the financial markets. Nobody listened to me. Now they’re all screwed while I have once again proved that I am a genius.

“What is wrong in being cautious?”

Subtext: All my money is safe; you will never know where it is.

Never believe that the BoE (Bank of England) cannot fail, or if the BoE may not fail.”

Subtext: British people don’t understand finance. Their main bank got tricked by that geezer George Soros.

“I always question; suppose I have to pay margin tomorrow, to Lehman Brothers, I would have questioned it.”

Subtext: I am actively involved in finding newer and newer ways of making sure that my profits never leave me. I had to pay Lehman Brothers my stock profits but since they don’t exist anymore, it’s no longer a problem.

“The mother of all bull runs is still to come. But I think the next high and the next bull market will be far bigger and have far more participation, and far more excesses than we had in the last one year.”

Subtext: I’m going to get even richer than I already am. Don’t be surprised if I buy my own country one day.

After all this I was interviewed by NDTV in the evening.Prannoy Toy bored the hell out of me so I left the studio in a huff. He still wanted answers so he sent a girl from his army of female journalists. She begged me to answer her questions. I don’t like to see women sad so I agreed to an interview and answered a few of her questions which were exactly the same as Mitali had asked me earlier in the day.

How many times do I have to prove to everyone that I’m a friggin genius?

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