The Secret Journal of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala: I Always Knew I’d Win More Gold’s Than Michael Phelps, Only That I’d Do It In London And Not Beijing

Monday, August 18, 2008

I Always Knew I’d Win More Gold’s Than Michael Phelps, Only That I’d Do It In London And Not Beijing

Damn that Michael Phelps. Never ever has the world been fascinated by a half-boy/ half-man as they have with Michael Phelps. I don’t understand how people can pay to watch a guy who wins different variations of the same event and that too wearing Rubber pants that stifle the breathing of one’s reproductive organs.

Michael Phelps only knows the Butterfly stroke. Because the Americans want more medals and know that they can’t win the real events like the 100 meters they follow a basic stock market principle. One that I perfected. It’s called diversification.

Just like I invest in different shares in the same sector the Americans train their athletes to win only in one sector. They pick one guy in this case Michael Phelps and teach him how to win the same event over and over again.

That’s the only thing Phelps has done properly in Beijing, win the same event again and again. There really is no big deal in winning a 200 meter medley and a 400 meter medley. Then 3 relays where he performs the Butterfly stroke. Then the 100 meter Butterfly stroke and the 200 meter Butterfly stroke and some other race that I can’t remember.

The Chinese have also fallen for the charms of Michael Phelps. Even before he came to Beijing they had named the swimming pool where the Olympic races would be held as the ‘WATER CUBE’.

How could the Chinese known for such precise calculations make such a fundamental mistake?

Firstly the pool in Beijing is rectangular in shape. My advanced knowledge of Mathematics allows me to say that Beijing’s swimming pool is a CUBOID and not a CUBE because a cuboid is:

“A solid figure bounded by six rectangular faces. All angles are right angles, and opposite faces of a cuboid are equal. It is also a right rectangular prism. The term "rectangular or oblong prism" is ambiguous. Also the term rectangular parallelepiped is used.”

And a cube on the other hand is:

“A three-dimensional solid object bounded by six square faces, facets or sides, with three meeting at each vertex. The cube can also be called a regular hexahedron and is one of the five Platonic solids. It is a special kind of square prism, of rectangular parallelepiped and of 3-sided trapezohedron.”

Therefore Beijing’s Aquatic Center where Phelps won 8 Gold’s is a Cuboid and should be called the WATER CUBOID instead of the WATER CUBE.

The only explanation for this fallacy is that the Chinese were persuaded by the Americans to name their pool as a cube and not as a cuboid.

Nonetheless,

At the next Olympics in London My team and I will be competing and I am sure that I will win at least 10 Olympic Gold medals thereby breaking Michael Phelps’ record.

Tt These are the events that I will win Gold’s in. All in World Record time:
1. 1000 Points Equity Investing
2. 2000 Points Equity Investing
3. 500 Points Intra-Day Rally
4. 1000 Point Swap
5. 1000 Point Inter –Day Futures Trading.
6. 800 Points Security Attraction
7. Intra Day Bull Charge
8. 4 x 1000 Points Equity Investing Relay w/Team: