The Secret Journal of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala: It's Their Fault We Don't Win More Olympic Medals

Monday, August 11, 2008

It's Their Fault We Don't Win More Olympic Medals

Four days ago I was in Beijing. I was invited by the secret Capitalists in China’s Communist Party. In Beijing’s Bird’s Nest Stadium, I enjoyed watching Chinese people running around doing things I didn’t understand.

While the fireworks were going off, I met Mr. K.A.A. Arunachalam, the CEO of Standard Fireworks based in Sivakasi. Apparently Standard Fireworks won the contract to supply fireworks for the Beijing Olympics. Either he was lying which meant he was trying to figure out how to make better fireworks or he was telling the truth which I find hard to believe since Standard’s Diwali fireworks always fizzle out instead of blowing up.

After the opening ceremony, I ordered a Gobi Manchurian at a posh Beijing restaurant. The waitress thought I was crazy especially after I told her that the Gobi Manchurian is an authentic Chinese dish. She said that no where in China is a dish called Gobi Manchurian ever served and it was definitely not made in China.

After that I returned, I do wish I had stayed back and watched Abhinav Bindra win the Gold Medal at the shooting event.

Instead I caught the ensuing fiasco on TV. It’s ironic how everybody else kept talking about the Gold Medal but not Abhinav himself.

The media monkeys went and talked to every Tom, Dick and Harry on the street and asked them how they felt that a guy they had never even heard of won a Gold Medal. Celebrities hailed Abhinav as a Hero.TV anchors asked people to SMS their comments that Abhinav will not read congratulating his victory.

So much gallata! for a Gold Medal.

Surely we can win MORE.I believe in the India growth story. We can win a lot more Gold Medals. The only reason we do not is because the International Community doesn’t allow events that Indians are good at in the Olympics.

Saurav Ganguly and Stephen Fleming made a case for Twenty 20 as an Olympic sport. Surely we’d win at that. However, the IOC is still ‘considering’ it because a sport that is watched by a third of the planet is less of an Olympic sport compared to something like Pole-Vault.

A sport that some genius high on cocaine invented when he decided to give some peckerhead a long stick and told him to jump over another stick way up in the air. Even Ice Skating is an Olympic sport. The IOC thinks that watching a guy and a girl moving around in tight rubber pants is more exciting than seeing Yuvraj Singh hit Stuart Broad for 6 sixes in an over.

For the foreigners, 1 more time--> The Dumb Shits.

Some other sports that if allowed India will undoubtedly excel in are:

Pissing:

We practice this all the time. Sometimes a technical genius like this fellow prefers to train alone….

These 2 guys would have definitely won a Gold Medal in Synchronized Pissing, see how hard they train despite the lure of sexy women. Such dedication moves me to tears….

These guys train even in the night. They had to make do with training privately on streets because Indian pissing facilities are simply not world class, just like Abhinav said…..