Thursday, August 14, 2008

Don't Worry Hutchinson,Your Friend Is Here

Piyush Pandey made this ad for Independence Day.

Why can’t everyone leave Hutchinson.D.Pug alone?

Ever since the Chairman of Vodafone became an international icon and sex symbol, a World Record holder in cuteness, the filthy paparazzos have been following him around non-stop.

Hutchinson can’t do anything in private. He can’t pee, he can’t crap.He can’t even smell other dogs’ butts in peace.

No respected CEO of a major World Telecom Company should be treated like this.

All of this was a deliberate ploy by Arun Sarin.Ex-CEO of Vodafone .Back in May, Hutchinson and I came up with a plan to fire Arun Sarin and since then he’s been on Hutchinson’s tail seeking revenge.

People think Arun Sarin is a great man. He isn’t. He’s a selfish prick who always wanted to displace Hutchinson as the boss of Vodafone. Not only that, he wanted to displace Hutchinson from Vodafone’s Board of Directors.

Luckily for Hutchinson, a friend like me came to his aid and we turned the tables on Arun Sarin.

Back in 2007 itself Arun Sarin teamed up with ad film maker and intellectual jackass-Piyush Pandey and drew top secret plans to humiliate Hutchinson. They had Hutchinson follow a little boy in their ads back when Vodafone India was still Hutch. This led to Hutchinson losing face in the Dog World as many other dogs not only thought he was gay but also a pedophile who preys on little boys.

This resulted in the dogs arresting him and throwing him in jail where he served a 7 month sentence. Thanks to my impressive team of lawyers Hutchinson was released as no evidence of pedophilia was found.

Having cleared his name Hutchinson returned as the rightful chairman of Vodafone but Arun Sarin was still jealous. He tried to humiliate him further this time by making Piyush Pandey persuade Hutchinson to stalk little girls instead of boys.

This wasn’t even the worst part. The worst part was how easily the duo of Arun Sarin and Piyush Pandey humiliated the chairman of the World’s largest and richest Telecom company by performing paltry deeds in front of a little girl.

They had him lick stamps...

They had him lick even more stamps…

They had him carry DIRTY, FILTHY, Fungi infested Bacterial socks in his mouth. Hutchinson caught Pneumonia because of this and almost died.

Once again thanks to me he survived. I took him to the best available Veterinary Doctor on this planet. The Chief Veterinary Officer of Orbit White Chewing Gum. Dr. Bhatavdekar, Animal Specialist. It is a true...

There was an assassination attempt made on his life by Arun Sarin who used the pretext of an ad film to have him chase a bus with a tie in his mouth and almost ran him over with a vehicle.

I brought this serious matter to the attention of the Animal Welfare Board of India who prevented further assassination attempts on Hutchinson’s life. I also asked Diwan Nanda of Tops Group to provide him 24 x 7 ‘Z+++’ category security.

After realizing that taking Hutchinson’s life wouldn’t be so easy. Arun Sarin used the paparazzi to create a nervous breakdown in him. He had them photograph every movement of his.

The paparazzi snapped photographs when ever Hutchinson slipped and fell while climbing stairs…

When Hutchinson tried to be a Good Samaritan and helped injured girls…

This was the worst. They snuck into his house and took disgusting photographs of his private parts when he was sleeping..

This was the last straw for me. No one treats my friend like this and gets away with it. Afterall I am Bhai, Rakesh Bhai.

Immediately I had my lawyers stall the release of those photos by obtaining a High Court Injunction. The lawyers were headed by Ram Jethmalani who proved it was a Sardarji from Planet Jupiter in the photos and not Hutchinson.

And now using my status as Bhai, I sent the underworld after Arun Sarin.

He’s pissing in his pants, scared for his life. So much so that he’s decided to hide in the Himalayas.

Problem solved. With Hutchinson I rule the Indian Telecom scene.

At the end of the day, Hutchinson is lucky to have a friend like me. What would he do without me?

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