The Fine Art Of Subtexting

In light of all the hectic economic activity occurring the past few days, a savvy investor like me should be able to read the sub text of what is being said. The ability to read subtext is an important skill that many don’t possess.

But because I do I can take advantage of the markets irrespective of whether they rise or fall. Given below are examples of how I sub texted statements by various people and used them to my advantage.

Montek Singh Ahluwalia ,Deputy Chairman, Planning Commission, Government of India:

“Progress is there. Growth is taking place, but poverty is not going down as fast as it should have been. Over 22 percent of the population still lives below the poverty line.”

Sub text: I can’t believe I’ve had this job for 4 years but because I can talk like this I can get away with it.

Petroleum Minister Shri Murli Deora, 19th World Petroleum Congress at Madrid:

“I am delighted to be present in this historic city of Madrid with professionals of oil and gas sector from all over the world sharing ideas on the challenges facing us. India’s population has crossed the 1 billion mark. To maintain high growth rate of the economy, we need substantial amount of oil and natural gas.”

Sub text: Wow! How cool is it that I got here just when Spain won Euro 2008.I’m gonna party all night and present a huge bill to the External Affairs Ministry. We’ll also give Oil contracts to those who give us the Cheapest Tender. Government is important, Quality is not.

CNBC-TV18's Executive Editor, Udayan Mukherjee:

“From sub 3900 levels on the Nifty, we have now clawed back to about 3960, still down a massive 130 points but at least some sign of buying or short covering has emerged over the last few minutes ditto with the Sensex, which is down 700 points is now down about 400 points.”

Sub text: I can’t believe I do this every single day of my life. No wonder I don’t have a girlfriend and the Backstreet Boys won’t even accept me as a band member.

The Union Finance Minister, Hon-her-able P. Chidambaram

“I may point out that giving up revenues and borrowing an equivalent amount in the market in order to finance expenditure would also be inflationary. Nevertheless, I will take Mr. (Yashwant) Sinha’s suggestion on board and will explore the options”

Sub text: How the hell did I screw this inflation thing so bad that I have to take advice from a dork like Yashwant Sinha?

Amar Singh, The SP General Secretary

“We have been asking the government to impose windfall tax on oil companies. But Mr. Deora is allowing windfall profit of oil companies to appreciate during his charge of the ministry. This approach of the minister is both sinful and shameful.”

Sub text: I don’t like that dehydrated skeleton Deora. I should have gone to Spain and partied with their football fans instead I’m stuck here .All this matter of the SP supporting the UPA work has been put on my head by Mulayam Singh while he himself parties with Amitabh.

Technical Analyst, Rajat K Bose:

“The whole IT pack led by Infosys that is also looking pretty strong on the charts. Chances are that one would see good buying into IT stocks, Reliance, Reliance Petroleum, Aban, Sesa Goa since they have corrected quite a bit."

Sub text: I’m no Rakesh Jhunjhunwala. When in doubt I always tell people to buy Infosys and Reliance. The sad part is that even a kindergartener knows all this. What’s even sadder is that CNBC pays me to say this.

Ad Guru Prahlad Kakkar:

“It's all about serving the ego of the buyer.”

Sub text: I heard myself speak. I rule!!!

VHP General Secretary Pravin Togadia :

"Haj subsidy must be cancelled. No flights for Haj should be sent as it is wastage of precious fuel the cost of which has to be borne from the taxpayers,"

Sub text #1: Riot

Sub text # 2-Bharat Bandh.

Sub text #3- This is proof India is diversifying. Earlier our Bandh calls were limited to states only but the booming economy has meant an expansion nationwide. That’s why we’re calling a nationwide BANDH even though most of the country has nothing to do with our issues.

Sub text #4: Riot + Bandh.