Thursday, July 17, 2008

Celestial New Delhi Derby

So the markets have been falling. The morale at Dalal Street is very low. Many brokers are seeking psychiatric help to deal with market falling issues.

At Rare Enterprises economic experts have been showing me graphs that look like a Picasso painting insipidly pointing at high’s and lows finding every convenient excuse from crude oil to inflation.

Top secret sources have revealed to me that a rare celestial event that occurs every now and then is about to occur. My top secret sources include the astrologers on Aaj Tak and the award winning channel India TV.

When the 6th planet diagonally cuts across the trapezoid hexagonal formation of Mars and Venus resulting in a Pythagorean locus to interject the 87th polygonal angle, a horse race of epic proportions called the New Delhi Derby occurs. This is not a conventional horse race. It does not involve 18 or 20 horses to race but rather 543 to race.

The horses are divided into two camps; one camp is pro nuclear and the other anti nuclear. In order for a camp to win 272 of its horses need to cross the finish line.

India TV’s astrology experts have said that this phenomenon can be beneficial if the horses wear white on July 22nd, 2008 and race in a huge hall. A communist horse that wants to speak but is prevented from doing so by a 24 Karat horse should referee the race much against the wishes of the other red horses of its own tribe.

However horses these days are very expensive and make unusual demands. One particular group of horses from Jharkhand are experts in racing in the New Delhi Derby. They were purchased for a huge price in 1993 to save the hand camp which they did very well. This time their racing skills are being negotiated for a high price. However the leader of the Jharkhand horses called Shibu likes to eat coal instead of grass. So he won’t run for the hand camp unless he gets coal in crores.

Another 3 horses from Karnataka headed by a horse who himself lost the race in 1996 because horses from the hand camp pulled the rug from under his feet is still pissed but he’s even more pissed that a lotus eating horse beat his ass in an election and took away his mines in Bellary.

A group of horses in Kashmir are still undecided about running the New Delhi Derby but will definitely decide if they get paid well. They will decide to run after a National Conference.

Some horses are in jail accused of murder, theft and violating half the provisions of the IPC. Special provisions are being made by a secular hand to shift them from jail to the veterinary hospitals because the horses have suddenly fallen sick before the Derby. In the hospitals they will be well looked after under the supervision of India’s Attorney General who will ensure their safe passage on to greener pastures.

Many horses are stubborn and don’t like being whipped especially on race day. No matter what happens their rearing expenses are high and directly imported from the R.B.I.

Horse trading in India is very lucrative. The Sensex is simply falling because the government is selling it’s holdings in its own companies on the BSE and NSE to buy horses.

Can’t anyone understand that?

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