Friday, July 25, 2008

A Letter From Heaven

Heaven’s courier service delivered this to me:-
Dear Rakesh,

It is with great sadness that I write this letter to you.

Heaven is a very difficult place to live in. Inflation is affecting not only you but me as well. The angels have stopped shining their feathers for fear that feather polish might become even more expensive. God has also started to tax us to moderate the budget up here.

However I am writing this because I am in dire need of help. My name is being used to create a lot of problems.

As you know I sat under a coconut tree day in and out and wrote the Ramayana. In those days there was no computer or anything. I used a pigeon feather to write the Ramayana on palm leaves. Struggle was the order of the day. Even Sage Valmiki whose work inspired mine was extremely happy with my efforts. Now, unfortunately the both of us are looking at the Earth and deeply saddened by all that is happening to our legacy.

At first the Government goes to the Court and says the Ram Setu never existed. This after years of having it taught as Adam’s Bridge in textbooks. After saying it existed they then said Ram didn’t commission its building. I know he built it because he applied for a permit with the sea department headed by Lord Varuna.

The Vanaras and he used state of the art technology to build the bridge. That’s the reason why the bridge bricks floated. After all this the government went ahead and said Ram himself never existed. This shocked me. Ravana and his entire family are laughing at me from hell because they find it funny that the government thinks the Lord never existed. To back all of this they keep flaunting the affidavit the Government filed in the Supreme Court from hell in my face.

Then they said Lord Ram did exist in a matter of a few days. All this confusion has us doubting if we ourselves ever existed.

After this they once again said that there was no Ram Setu.

Now they’re saying that the bridge was there but Lord Ram himself destroyed it. They found proof of this in the Ramayana written by me. They’re quoting my statements to say that Lord Ram destroyed the Setu. I know for a fact that Lord Ram didn’t destroy the Setu at least not in my book because I wrote it. That’s why my version of the Ramayana bears my name.

I consulted with Valmiki as well who said he doesn’t know for sure who destroyed the Setu. Even Lord Rama is not sure if the Setu was destroyed going by the way the VHP claims it’s still there. Lord Ram has now ordered an investigation to find out who destroyed the Setu.

Meanwhile I am pissed that the government is saying that I said Ram destroyed the Setu.

I need help from Ram not Lord Ram but Ram Jethmalani. You need to arrange for Ram Jethmalani even though he’s currently fighting for Anil Ambani, to file a defamation suit on my behalf against the government. Ram Jethmalani can convert any story into anything else. He can prove something that happened to have never happened to have happened again just like how he proved Jessica Lal was shot by a Sardarji.

Ask him to prove that it was a Sardarji who destroyed the Ram Setu.

When the case is in my favor then force the government to build a new Setu. You can invest in a cement company on the Sensex and watch it rise as that company sells more cement to the Government to build the new Setu.

History is indeed funny. Everything happened so damn long ago that I can’t remember. I just learnt that the Taj Mahal was actually a Shiva temple. I’m off to mount Kailas to confirm that from Shiva himself.

Till next time, take care and remember I never said Lord Ram destroyed the Setu.

Yours sincerely,


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