Monday, April 28, 2008

Why Billy Wants More H1-B Visas

Why Billy Wants More H1-B Visas

Yesterday made me a very happy man. I was in my house worshipping 25 idols of Ganesh and Nandi. I could have worshipped just one idol of Ganesh but I believe in diversification.Heck, that’s the reason I’ve got so many damn shares and I worship Nandi simply because he’s a bull.

I was admiring the way my fat head was bouncing of Ganesha’s big golden tummy when I heard the phone ring. A servant I treat badly for the sake of capitalism brought it to me and on the other side of the phone was my good friend Billy a.k.a Billy gates.

Billy: Yo, I’m Rich

Me:yeah, me too.

Billy: I mean filthy rich

Me: Listen geeky freaky, I’m richer than you, people just think that you’re the world’s richest man .They don’t know that IN REALITY I’M THE RICHEST ONE OUT THERE. Don’t you ever forget that or I’ll suck the blood out right through your soda bottle covered eyelids and sell it to the mosquitoes of Zambia and Nigeria for a hefty price which I shall then invest into a Trust Fund I set up in your memory”

Billy-Your phenomenal description of violence combined with your foresight into selling my blood and then proceeding to set up a Trust Fund in my name is truly remarkable. I beg your forgiveness. Will the Trust Fund be 100% tax free?

Me: Of course! Duh! Who do you take me for? You shall however be forgiven on one condition; simply that you start putting pressure on the U.S Congress to issue more Visas to Indians. I want them to work anywhere but in India.

Billy: May I ask why?

Me: You don’t know anything do you- Fish Brain. This country is divided into 3 types of people:

1.) Those that aren’t rich.

2.) Those that’re already rich.

3.) Those who want to become rich.

I have no interest in the first category. I treat them with contempt and use them to do my dirty deeds. Meanwhile, I form powerful alliances with the second category and when they let their guard down I usurp all their wealth.

The third category is filled with lambs I like to slaughter. These are those who aspire to be like me and work hard their entire lives only so that I can usurp all their money if they do get rich.

The problem is they aren’t of use to me here. In order for them to become richer they need to work for maggots like you, there…not here.

Besides, if they stay here, they’ll have way too much time thinking about marriage and family. I want a tyrant to overwork them till they drop like Dead Oxen while at the same time presenting an illusion of the good life.

Billy: But if they die overworked, they won’t get rich and you can’t usurp all their money because…..they’re dead.

Me: Exactly-then we’d have killed off a prospective candidate for richness. We can then steal all their cash and invest it in hard to trace transactionaries like my favorite hunting ground-the Bombay Sensex.”

Billy-How does this scheme of yours benefit me?

Me: You’re a flamboyantly dumb piece of sticky tape, aren’t you? You get cheap labor, you get high quality work at extremely low prices plus you get a whole ARMY of people who could come up with a way to destroy Google.


Me: So when are you getting started.

Billy: My minions have already begun proceedings.

Me: Good boy.”

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