Thursday, August 13, 2009

OK Indiblogger, You Asked For It, This Is A Show Of Strength Because I Am Not A 45.

Dear Readers of my journal,

An attempt has been made to malign the image of your hero (me) master stockbreaker, legendary investor and The World’s 1062nd Richest Man.

Dalal Street is in a grim mood because its guide has been insulted.

I know that you guys know that there is a site out there called Indiblogger. In an effort to make themselves famous Indiblogger has done the unthinkable. They’ve created a system of ranking Indian blogs, this is a scandalous concept.

What’s worse is that my Secret Journal has been ranked FORTY FIVE OUT OF 100, that’s right my philosophical concepts have only managed to create a rank score of 45/100 on the Indiblogger ranking system.

To quote Emraan Hashmi “I Have Been Denied A House Ranked 45/100 because I Am A Muslim Legendary Investor”

Just like Mahesh Bhatt came out to support Emraan I expect you guys to support me in the same way and complain to Indiblogger about this great prejudice against me. Also if you guys could break some shop windows and set a few buses on fire, it would be awesome but if the police ask me anything about you people creating a riot I’ll deny any and all existence of you and say that you are Shankar Sharma’s cronies and this whole thing is “A Political Conspiracy” and “The Rumors Are Baseless And Politically Motivated”.

So while I rally the forces on Dalal Street the wheels are already in motion to create a mass civil disobedience movement highlighting Indiblogger’s dumbass ranking of my SECRET JOURNAL.

O lord have sweet mercy on the Indiblogger people. They asked for it, they wanted my attention and now they’ve got it.

By ranking me 45/100 they’ve INDIBLOGGIED MY ASS.

The outrageousness has people talking. I’m touched by all the things my famous celebrity buddies and journal readers are saying in the media. Their support means a lot to me.

Who’s saying what?

Rennie Ravin , Founder Of Indiblogger -“ I put a picture of a tiger on my blog, then used Indiblogger’s ranking system to give my own site a ranking of 63/100 while Rakesh only got a 45,this is what happens when the only pictures he seems to put on his blog are those of monkeys”

Concerned Mother- “He’s a bloody sexist pig.

Serves him right, if it were me I would have given his blog -694/100.My hardworking son used to spend all his time reading and learning, even while taking a dump he used to read the newspaper but ever since that bloody Jhunjhunwala fellow started to blog my son does nothing but read that stupid thing trying to form an alliance with Rakesh because the market is his altar and he is it’s God”

Devina Mehra, Crazy Kung Fu Hair Lady- “He’s so selfish. He’s talking about himself as usual at a time when the country is going through crisis after crisis. Bloody fellow is complaining about his stupid Indiblogger rank when people in Pune are dying of swine flu. Shankar would never do that”

Rashmi Bansal, Career Cracker, and Youth Curry Maker -“I hate Rakesh, he thinks he’s so bloody cool but he’s a dipshit moron. I’d rather tell people to go to IIPM instead of becoming a stockbroker like him on my TV show Cracking Careers, Saturdays At 6 pm only on UTVi”

Gautam Ghosh, Management Consultant -“What are you asking me for? I got an Indiblogger rank of 87 /100. I’m not complaining.

This is completely Rakesh’s fault.”

Sucheta Dalal, Editor Moneylife Magazine -“I regret the day I formed an alliance with Rakesh and told people I read his SECRET JOURNAL .I should just go ahead and punk his ass out like I did with Harshad Mehta and then I’ll wallop his hundred pound backside with my Padmashri”

Desi Prime Minister -Career Path UPA, are you ready?

Nesil Staney, Mint Journalist -“Worst assignment of my life covering Rakesh Jhunjhunwala and his so called cult status. Now I suffer from recurring nightmares every night.”

Shiv Kumar Mishra, Journal Reader -“My life has been ruined ever since I started to read The Secret Journal of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala.”

Preetam Singh, Comment Leaver -“The standard of his so called 'jokes' is so low, his 'humor' is so juvenile. He only likes to do toilet humor and FART JOKES”

Random Member Of Indiblogger Team -“Most unprofessional Indian blogger. Has no long term plans and definitely not funny. The ranking is completely justified. We’re sticking to it unless Rakesh buys Indiblogger out in a secret deal then we’ll rank it as #1 but by that time I will put in my resignation. ”

The guy who makes pictures for The Secret Journal Of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala- “This is the same guy who forced me to make superheroes out of Varun Gandhi and Yash Chopra. He’s not even going to have half a problem simply making himself a fake Indiblogger badge as the top ranked blogger to put it in his sidebar.”

Sathyanarain, Blog Reader -“I’m going to spam his head with this e-mail and clog up his inbox:

HI,We sell electronic product, welcome to visit our website you should find out some product you want. If you become our agent,so you will get more profit.

Our msn or email:

Good luck.”

Hobo, Secret Journal Reader- “Worst Blog Everrrrr. I’m never reading again.”

Sidz, Reader -“He sucks AND his poetry sucks AND he’s full of crap.”

ARUN GIRI, UTVi- “He better not make fun of my moustache. I know Mohan Parasaran’s phone number


Anil Ambani, Gas Fighter - “He said I’ll do anything for gas

Deve Gowda - “He Misinterprets My Penchant for Resting My Body as a Serious Defect. Bloody Bastard”

The Notorious Colton-I never even stole his portfolio, he should hammer Indiblogger BUT in a nice way”

Indiblogger, now you know what happens when you mess with me. My friends gather and morally support me.

Jhunjhunwala is like this only, welcome to the show, please come inside.

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