Wednesday, March 18, 2009

The Notorious Colton Strikes Back,But Thirushkamini Is......Coming

Cricket is a game but people call it a sport.

When men play cricket, it is called IPL.

When women play cricket it is called “Women’s Empowerment”, “Gender Equality” and mentioned in India’s Five Year Plan under the chapter “Steps the Government Has Taken To Promote Women’s Sport in India”.

Ten people watch whenever the women’s cricket team plays cricket. I am one of those ten and I am currently watching the Indian women’s cricket team playing in the Women’s World Cup in Australia.

I am a huge fan of one woman cricketer; her name is Murugesan Dickeshwashankar Thirushkamini.

Thirushkamini is a batswoman more destructive than Virender Sehwag and Sanath Jayasuriya combined because her talent is to combine the time occupancy rate of one Rahul Dravid and the strike rate of one jumping sardarji named Monty Panesar.

Forbes Magazine has committed the cardinal sin of omitting my name from this year’s list of Billionaires.

When I learnt of this I immediately wrote to Forbes Magazine and informed them that I am still a billionaire. I know that I’m a billionaire because I have scientifically verified that I am a billionaire.

My process of scientific verification is compliant with all international standards and has won many international awards in the fields of ‘Processes Used To Scientifically Verify If Rakesh Jhunjhunwala Is A Billionaire Or Not’.

This system of billionaire verification involves the patented system of COUNTING.

Every weekend I go to my vault and count the number of 1 Dollar coins that I have. My latest count which was on the day of the release of the Forbes Billionaire list has revealed my Dollar count at exactly 1.1 Billion.

This means that I have exactly 1.1 billion coins of denomination 1 American Dollar.

Therefore it proves that I’m a billionaire.

But the shitheads at Forbes replied to my letter saying that they choose to verify billionaires using a system which does not involve counting. They prefer to verify if I am a billionaire or not by looking at websites created by the man who seems to have no other job in life than to track down the value of my portfolio: The Notorious Colton.

After stealing my portfolio, Colton has now dedicated his life to making sure that I never make it to Forbes' list of billionaires ever again. He has posted fraudulent and blatantly misleading details which has led Forbes magazine to believe that the value of my portfolio is down therefore I am no longer a billionaire.

It’s a conspiracy I tell you, Colton and Forbes have decided to make sure that I’m not a billionaire even though I am. My 1.1 billion coins of denomination 1 American Dollar prove it.

SEBI has also told me that their brand ambassador being insulted like this is a national insult and that they have decided to have the matter investigated by a senior Supreme Court Judge.

But SEBI also told me that the Supreme Court Judge has to be appointed by March 31st.

Unluckily for me all Supreme Court judges are extremely busy hearing cases of candidates with criminal records and deciding if they are fit to stand for election or not.

Not to be outdone I decided that if a Supreme Court Judge from India couldn’t investigate the case it might as well be a judge from somewhere else like Pakistan.

It’s because of my efforts that Iftekhar Choudhury from Pakistan has been reinstated and Nawaz Sharif’s LONG MARCH has been cancelled.

Nawaz is hand in hand with Colton and wanted to increase the number of days in the month of March from 31 to 45 thus making it a LOOOOOOOOONG MARCH.

By doing this he’d be able to make sure that I wouldn’t be able to get a Judge to investigate my omission from Forbes’ billionaire list.

But thanks to my pressure on Zardari which I exerted by going to Pakistan and sitting on him until he agreed to reinstate Choudhury ,has made sure that in a matter of time my name will reappear on Forbes’ billionaire list.

As for Colton he’d better be careful because not only is Tops Group Security after him but also the newest member of Rare Enterprises, The Sexy Femme Fatale: Thirushkamini.

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