Thursday, March 26, 2009

I Pee L

The country is in shock. The much hyped I PEE L or Indian Pissing League will now be held in South Africa. As a concerned Indian I decided to delegate the task of finding out what other people think about this move.

I have published my findings found out by Mini-J in the international daily The Jhunjhunwala Times, a paper based on the pillars of bold journalism, loud shouting and credibility as learnt from the Pigeon Head Barkha Dutt.



Employee of the Week, Rare Enterprises and Part Time Pigeon Head Journalist.

March 26, 2009.

With the shocking movement of the I Pee L better known as the Indian Pissing League to South Africa, the level of sadness and anger in the country has reached a new low. As a paper we say new low every time there’s a new low. But this low is even lower than the old new lows, making this low the newest and lowest new low.

To get a pulse of the nation. This brave correspondent braved the call of nature to ask people what they actually thought of the I Pee L moving to South Africa.

Lalit Modi, Chairman, I Pee L: “Indians have nothing to be worried about. The pissing facilities in South Africa are just as good if not better than pissing facilities in India. Everyone watching on TV will be 100% entertained.”

Narendra Modi, Chief Minister, Gujarat: “The Congress government wants to ruin India by moving away our favorite pastime of pissing to another country. We will definitely make this an election issue.

After all the Congress is anti-pissing,their symbol is the HAND and if you piss on your hand you have to wash it but my party’s symbol is the LOTUS which one cannot piss on because it’s a holy flower.”

Sourav Ganguly, 1/4th captain of the Kolkata Knight Pissers: “It’s a conspiracy to undermine my leadership. John Buchanan thinks that Australian piss is better than Indian piss. He wants to remove me as captain for stupid reasons.

So what if I’m 37 years old? I can piss much better than the younger Knight Pissers.My bladder has more experience in pissing.Doesn’t that count for something?"

“This is what happens when a dude who is full of shit buys a pissing team.”

Fake Doctor Vijay Mallya, Owner, Bangalore Royal Challenging Pissers: “Who the fu@$ is going to translate my team’s theme song ‘Royal Challengers Ka Piss Hain’ into the South African Zulu language?

I just paid 160,000 dollars for Jesse Ryder to join my team.Now all the alcohol I feed him will never get a chance to turn into piss in India.”

Ashwani Gujral, Inferior Stock Trader and analyst on CNBC-TV18: “I would advise investors to invest in companies that make protective piss gear for the short term. The I Pee L being held in South Africa will be affected by the weather patterns.

In India the piss doesn’t splatter because the wind conditions are favorable to piss but in a windy place like South Africa the piss will splatter and thus players and umpires will wear piss protective gear. My Technical Analysis indicates that there will be an increase in short term demand for piss protection gear. So it is good to invest in companies making the same.”

The Common Man: “I cannot afford to go to South Africa and I don’t want to go there even if I had the money. The I Pee L should always be held in India because my lungs have become used to the smell of piss. If I watch the I Pee L in South Africa ,my lungs will become infected with the smell of pure air. I am not used to the alien smell of pure air.I will fall sick because of all the clean air.”

Manjit Singh, Chairman, Set Max: “All fears are unwarranted; in fact my channel paid more for the I Pee L rights to the Board of Control for Pissing in India because we think the event will be a big hit. Like our ads say:

“Have You Ever Seen One Billion People And One Elephant All Pissing At The Same Time?”

(The above article was written in collaboration with the Indian Association for Auto Urine Therapy)

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