Friday, May 8, 2009

NOIDA Police On The State Of The Country:A Jhunjhunwala Times Exclusive!!!!

When there is a recession IIM graduates start doing jobs that are not IIM worthy. Some become journalists like my friend IIM Kapoor. I sent him to report on the state of affairs in the country and he interviewed the highest authority on this subject Chief Inspector Harpal Singh of the NOIDA Police Force.


IIM Kapoor (Unemployed Management Graduate/Employed Pigeon Head Journalist)

Jhunjhunwala News Network – NOIDA.

Chief Inspector Harpal Singh from the NOIDA police is a happy man and why not? His team of brave police officers have managed to singlehandedly curb the crime rate in India.

“It is due to our efforts that no bomb blast has occurred in the past three months. Yes there have been some random cases of election violence especially by the Naxals but let’s all face it, those guys are simply nut cases.”

Inspector Harpal Singh has personally been criticized for the handling of the Moninder and Surinder child kidnapping, murder, molestation and cannibalism case.

“See I have always propagated the importance of a healthy balanced diet. This Surinder Kohli is unnecessarily being crucified especially by the media. All that fellow was doing was eating small children because he was hungry and he was only eating those children who themselves were eating a balanced diet. This is why he is so healthy at a time when many people are falling sick.”

“I mean what can the poor fellow do; the farmers are killing themselves so there’s nobody to grow crops. The chickens have Bird Flu, the pigs have Swine Flu and in our country we can’t eat Cows. No wonder that fellow was eating small children.”

Quietly he adds “The government must propagate eating small children. That way at least we can all keep our country’s growing population in check.”

On being asked about the recent SWINE FLU epidemic Inspector Singh had this to say:

“Thanks to our proactive methods the SWINE FLU has not yet threatened India. The moment we realized that the SWINE FLEW, we went and arrested all the pigs in the country,”

“Not only that we seized their Pilot Licenses to prevent them from flying in future. This way the bloody Sour Ke Bacches will never be able to fly and no one will get the Swine Flu again.”

Inspector Harpal Singh has also earned praise for his quick handling of the Anil Ambani chopper mystery.

He quips with a grin “When we were asked to look into the Anil Ambani chopper sabotage we were determined to find the culprit. Our investigations have concluded that the reason those stones have got into the gearbox of the Ambani chopper is because of EVAPORATION,”

He continued “See, during the summer time because of too much heat the water turns into gas so the water under Mr.Ambani’s chopper turned into gas and the gas lifted the pebbles into the gearbox but unfortunately our lab delivered the results too late and Mr.Bharat Borge had to die.”

Asked what his future plans are inspector Harpal Singh remains upbeat, “Right now we are investigating whether Ajmal Kasab was actually involved in the 26/11 attacks. He has said in court that he is 'not guilty' and we are inclined to believe him. Why would he lie after all?”

“But just to be sure we have enlisted the help of our special investigating officer Mr.A.R Antulay who is an authority on the 26/11 case.”

He finishes saying “Our motto has always been that innocent people should never go to jail even if we have to arrest the wrong guy again and again and again and again and then let him off again and again and again like we did in the case of Aarushi Talwar.”

“However the immediate priority is to arrest the Bachchan family for indecent behavior in public. First that Abhishek Bachchan makes a crap film like DRONA and then his entire family gives us the finger. We will throw them all behind bars.”

(Excerpts from this interview can also be found online)

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