So
I was watching the following interview last night.
After
this I summoned Shekhar Gupta and
this happened:
Me:
Shekhar Gupta, our paths cross again
Gupta:Yes Sir! How are you?
Me:
Better than you for sure. Amazing journalism. Really first class. Gotta admire
your “journalistic instinct” or whatever the hell that was which made the
implication the Army Chief was planning a coup
Gupta:
Thank you Sir!
Me:
I WAS BEING SARCASTIC, JACKASS!!
Gupta:
Oh! But I was only putting facts out there Rakesh Sir. 2 Army units moved were
indeed moved to Delhi after the General of the Indian Army sued the government.
Isme galat kya likha hai maine?
Me:
YOU KNOW SHEKHAR. YOU THINK YOU'RE REALLY SMART.
THAT’S THE PROBLEM. YOU WRITE AN ARTICLE THAT IS BASICALLY HORSE SHIT. YOU
SPRINKLE A LITTLE TALCUM POWDER ON THIS HORSE SHIT AND CALL IT
"RESPONSIBLE JOURNALISM".
Even someone with half a brain
can make the connection. You guys were trying to imply that those Army units
were moved with some sort of devious intent by the Army General. Of course you
stopped short of calling it a coup because that would then lead to trouble for
you. Now you put on this dog and pony show on TV saying you only reported the
facts and leave it to the readers to decide if the General was planning a coup
or not.
Gupta:
But that’s exactly what I did Rakesh Sir! I am a super duper awesome
responsible journalist and I definitely reported the facts. Now if people draw
their own conclusions it’s up to them!
Me:
DON'T BULLSHIT ME SHEKHAR. I’VE BEEN
DEALING WITH BULLSHITTERS BIGGER THAN YOU ALL MY LIFE. DON’T TRY AND PULL THE
WOOL OVER MY EYES WITH YOUR "I ONLY REPORTED THE FACTS, LET PEOPLE DRAW
THEIR OWN CONCLUSIONS" NONSENSE. I STILL REMEMBER THAT STUNT YOU PULLED MENTIONING MY GREAT NAME AND TWITTER ACCOUNT IN YOUR EDITORIAL.
NOW
YOU PAINT A PICTURE WITH FACTS BUT YOU DO IT VERY SMARTLY, YOU ARRANGE THEM IN
SUCH A WAY THAT PEOPLE WHO READ YOUR STORY ARE LED TO BUT ONE CONCLUSION. YOU
DRAW A PICTURE WITH THE FACTS AND ASK THE READERS TO CONNECT THE DOTS BUT YOU
ASK THEM TO CONNECT THE DOTS IN SUCH A MANNER THAT WHEN THE FULL PICTURE
EMERGES IT’S A PICTURE YOU WANT THEM TO SEE, NOT THE PICTURE ITS ACTUALLY MEANT
TO BE.... RIGHT?
SO WHEN YOU WRITE THAT THE ARMY
GENERAL MOVED 2 UNITS ON THE NIGHT HE BECOMES THE FIRST INDIAN GENERAL TO TAKE
HIS GOVERNMENT TO COURT YOU PRETTY MUCH SAY THAT HE WAS PLANNING A COUP BUT YOU
SAY IT WITHOUT SAYING IT....
VERY
SMART. IT CREATES A NICE LITTLE CONTROVERSY, STIRS THE HORNET'S NEST. SELLS A
LOT OF PAPERS. YOU MAKE MONEY. EVERYONE IS HAPPY. OF COURSE YOU FORGOT ABOUT
THE INDIAN SOLDIER WHO'S BUSTING HIS ASS EVERY SINGLE DAY TO KEEP THE REST OF
US SAFE.
Gupta:
But Rakesh Sir! I have only shown the divide between civil-military relations
in our country.
Me:
We already knew there was a divide in
civil-military relations you dumbass! We knew that the day the Army Chief sued
the government itself. Your cock and bull story about the government getting
spooked only shows that there is a deep divide between your intelligence and
your understanding of the situation.
Gupta:
Rakesh Sir. You are beginning to sound like all those retired Army people on TV
who are blaming me! These Army people don't know the truth. They are not in the
Army now, they are retired. They don't know what is going on these days so they
like you are blaming me!
Me:
You're telling me you know more about the Indian Army
than people who have spent most of their life actually serving in the Army and
know how things in the Army work compared to you who only reports on the Army
once in a while that too only when there is a controversy?
Gupta:
Err.....
Me:
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU MAN? I USED TO READ YOUR
PAPER IN THE 80'S AND THE 90'S. YOU GUYS USED TO KICK ASS. YOU WATCHED THE
COUNTRY LIKE A HAWK. YOU WERE ON THE GOVERNMENT'S CASE 24X7. THOSE GUYS WERE
SCARED OF YOU. YOU WERE HARDCORE ANTI ESTABLISHMENT WATCHDOGS THAT GAVE THE
MEDIA A GOOD NAME. I WAS PROUD THAT THIS COUNTRY HAD AN HONEST PAPER LIKE THE
INDIAN EXPRESS. SINCE WHEN DID THE INDIAN
EXPRESS START KISSING ASS INSTEAD OF KICKING IT?
Gupta:
I object Rakesh Sir. If we are really pro establishment instead of being anti
establishment then how come we report that the government was spooked by the Army
that night? If we were pro establishment we wouldn't have said the government
was scared of the Army and had to recall the Defence Secretary immediately from
an overseas trip to deal with this!
Me:
Look at you acting like you don't know there’s a larger agenda at play here.
You are BEING PRO ESTABLISHMENT by being anti
establishment
Gupta:
Whaaaaa?
Me:
TWO
NEGATIVES MAKE A POSITIVE. BY DISCREDITING THE ARMY CHIEF YOU END UP BENEFITING WHO THE ARMY CHIEF HAS BEEN FIGHTING ALL ALONG. CORRUPT ARMS
DEALERS, DEFENCE CONTRACTORS WHO BRIBE, SUCKY TRUCK SELLERS, IDIOT MINISTERS
AND SCAM RIDDEN BUREAUCRATS.
OF
COURSE WHILE ALL THIS HAPPENS YOU FORGET YET AGAIN THAT OUR SOLDIERS MIGHT
ACTUALLY READ YOUR CRAP.
THERE
IS SOMETHING CALLED MORALE AND YOU ARE DRAGGING AN HONEST GENERAL AND AN
EXCELLENT ARMY INTO THE DIRT WHEN YOU TRY TO IMPLY THAT THOSE WHO GUARD OUR
BORDERS AND PROTECT US IN PLACES LIKE SIACHEN,LADAKH, WAGAH,THE ENTIRE
COASTLINE, EVERY SINGLE NOOK AND CRANNY OF THIS NATION WHERE THE INDIAN SOLDIER
BREATHES IS INTERESTED IN OVERTHROWING THE VERY DEMOCRACY THEY STRIVE TO
SAFEGUARD EVERY SINGLE DAY OF THEIR LIVES.
Gupta:
Allow me to defend myself Rakesh Sir!
Me:
No need.
I've seen your Defence on TV the past 24 hours. Your stupid little personal
life greeting card type anecdotes, telling people to read books, making
yourself out to be some kind of journalist crusader. No thanks. I’ve had enough
of your nonsense.
Gupta:
What should I do now Rakesh Sir?
Me:
Sort out the issue.
Gupta:
How?
Me:
Do a special Walk the Talk episode with yourself as interviewer and guest.
Maybe that'll knock some sense into your head.
Now buzz off!
Environment
research nut Sunita Narain said in connection to the issue “Rakesh Jhunjhunwala
has been radiating way more than permitted levels of awesomeness. Our
awesomeness measuring devices or awesome-o-meters are all breaking due to his
awesomeness overloading our systems!Therefore the government must tell the Executive to tell the CBI to tell the Intelligence Bureau to tell the State
Police to tell Mr.Jhunjhunwala to reduce his awesomeness or else the Earth will
spin off its axis due to a steep increase in the Awesomeness Average Index or
the AAI.”
Asked
if this could all be an insider conspiracy by someone at Rare, Niraj commented
"It is entirely possible someone here at Rare like Rajiv Agarwal who has
the World's scariest haircut is encouraging people like Gupta to file faltoo
cases against Rakesh sir"
